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-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/backoffutil/backoffutil.go43
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/backoffutil/default.nix14
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/clbot.go289
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/default.nix19
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/gerrit/default.nix18
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/default.nix10
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/events.go321
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/time.go38
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/types.go221
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/gerrit/watcher.go252
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/gerrit/watcher_test.go190
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/go.mod12
-rw-r--r--fun/clbot/go.sum31
-rw-r--r--fun/defer_rs/.gitignore3
-rw-r--r--fun/defer_rs/Cargo.toml6
-rw-r--r--fun/defer_rs/README.md53
-rw-r--r--fun/defer_rs/examples/defer-with-error.rs72
-rw-r--r--fun/defer_rs/examples/defer.rs31
-rw-r--r--fun/defer_rs/examples/undefer.rs40
-rw-r--r--fun/elblog/.gitignore1
-rw-r--r--fun/elblog/README.md11
-rw-r--r--fun/elblog/blog.css37
-rw-r--r--fun/elblog/blog.el123
-rw-r--r--fun/elblog/postamble.html9
-rw-r--r--fun/elblog/preamble.html6
-rw-r--r--fun/gemma/CODE_OF_CONDUCT.md20
-rw-r--r--fun/gemma/LICENSE674
-rw-r--r--fun/gemma/README.md96
-rw-r--r--fun/gemma/config.lisp21
-rw-r--r--fun/gemma/default.nix56
-rw-r--r--fun/gemma/frontend/Main.elm221
-rw-r--r--fun/gemma/frontend/elm-package.json17
-rw-r--r--fun/gemma/src/gemma.lisp192
-rw-r--r--fun/idual/README.md34
-rw-r--r--fun/idual/default.nix25
-rw-r--r--fun/idual/idual/__init__.py65
-rw-r--r--fun/idual/idualctl39
-rw-r--r--fun/idual/setup.py15
-rw-r--r--fun/owothia/.envrc1
-rw-r--r--fun/owothia/.gitignore30
-rw-r--r--fun/owothia/chatter.patch19
-rw-r--r--fun/owothia/default.nix13
-rw-r--r--fun/owothia/hie.yaml4
-rw-r--r--fun/owothia/owothia.cabal53
-rw-r--r--fun/owothia/pkg.nix34
-rw-r--r--fun/owothia/regex-tdfa-text.patch40
-rw-r--r--fun/owothia/shell.nix22
-rw-r--r--fun/owothia/src/Main.hs168
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/.gitignore5
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/Cargo.lock1733
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/Cargo.toml22
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/OWNERS1
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/README.md19
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/default.nix14
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/docker/default.nix7
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181209140247_initial/down.sql2
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181209140247_initial/up.sql15
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181218142013_fix_unique/down.sql1
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181218142013_fix_unique/up.sql1
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/src/cfg.rs12
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/src/keyword.rs219
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/src/main.rs395
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/src/models.rs36
-rw-r--r--fun/paroxysm/src/schema.rs18
-rw-r--r--fun/quinistry/.gitignore2
-rw-r--r--fun/quinistry/README.md63
-rw-r--r--fun/quinistry/const.go12
-rw-r--r--fun/quinistry/default.nix11
-rw-r--r--fun/quinistry/image.go150
-rw-r--r--fun/quinistry/k8s/child.yaml27
-rw-r--r--fun/quinistry/k8s/parent.yaml27
-rw-r--r--fun/quinistry/main.go57
-rw-r--r--fun/quinistry/types.go79
-rw-r--r--fun/tvl-ebooks/OWNERS1
-rw-r--r--fun/tvl-ebooks/default.nix7
-rw-r--r--fun/tvl-ebooks/ebook-client/main.go170
-rw-r--r--fun/tvl-ebooks/go.mod8
-rw-r--r--fun/tvl-ebooks/go.sum11
-rw-r--r--fun/tvl-ebooks/irc-ingest/main.go99
-rw-r--r--fun/tvl-ebooks/make-v6/main.go26
-rw-r--r--fun/tvl-ebooks/mkov-engine/main.go246
-rw-r--r--fun/tvl-ebooks/parse-logs/main.go174
-rw-r--r--fun/uggc/default.nix21
-rw-r--r--fun/uggc/main.go38
-rw-r--r--fun/uggc/uggc.desktop7
-rw-r--r--fun/uggc/uggc.reg23
-rw-r--r--fun/watchblob/README.md35
-rw-r--r--fun/watchblob/default.nix13
-rw-r--r--fun/watchblob/main.go108
-rw-r--r--fun/watchblob/main_test.go96
-rw-r--r--fun/watchblob/urls.go37
-rw-r--r--fun/wcl/default.nix14
-rw-r--r--fun/wcl/wc.lisp34
-rw-r--r--fun/πŸ•°οΈ/OWNERS1
-rw-r--r--fun/πŸ•°οΈ/bin.lisp91
-rw-r--r--fun/πŸ•°οΈ/default.nix44
-rw-r--r--fun/πŸ•°οΈ/lib.lisp32
97 files changed, 7973 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/fun/clbot/backoffutil/backoffutil.go b/fun/clbot/backoffutil/backoffutil.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..1b1ea5f9d012
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/backoffutil/backoffutil.go
@@ -0,0 +1,43 @@
+// Package backoffutil provides useful utilities for backoff.
+package backoffutil
+
+import (
+	"time"
+
+	backoff "github.com/cenkalti/backoff/v4"
+)
+
+// ZeroStartingBackOff is a backoff.BackOff that returns "0" as the first Duration after a reset.
+// This is useful for constructing loops and just enforcing a backoff duration on every loop, rather than incorporating this logic into the loop directly.
+type ZeroStartingBackOff struct {
+	bo      backoff.BackOff
+	initial bool
+}
+
+// NewZeroStartingBackOff creates a new ZeroStartingBackOff.
+func NewZeroStartingBackOff(bo backoff.BackOff) *ZeroStartingBackOff {
+	return &ZeroStartingBackOff{bo: bo, initial: true}
+}
+
+// NewDefaultBackOff creates a sensibly configured BackOff that starts at zero.
+func NewDefaultBackOff() backoff.BackOff {
+	ebo := backoff.NewExponentialBackOff()
+	ebo.MaxElapsedTime = 0
+	return NewZeroStartingBackOff(ebo)
+}
+
+// NextBackOff returns the next back off duration to use.
+// For the first call after a call to Reset(), this is 0. For each subsequent duration, the underlying BackOff is consulted.
+func (bo *ZeroStartingBackOff) NextBackOff() time.Duration {
+	if bo.initial == true {
+		bo.initial = false
+		return 0
+	}
+	return bo.bo.NextBackOff()
+}
+
+// Reset resets to the initial state, and also passes a Reset through to the underlying BackOff.
+func (bo *ZeroStartingBackOff) Reset() {
+	bo.initial = true
+	bo.bo.Reset()
+}
diff --git a/fun/clbot/backoffutil/default.nix b/fun/clbot/backoffutil/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..78585da236e3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/backoffutil/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+{ depot, ... }:
+
+let
+  inherit (depot.third_party) gopkgs;
+in
+depot.nix.buildGo.package {
+  name = "code.tvl.fyi/fun/clbot/backoffutil";
+  srcs = [
+    ./backoffutil.go
+  ];
+  deps = [
+    gopkgs."github.com".cenkalti.backoff.gopkg
+  ];
+}
diff --git a/fun/clbot/clbot.go b/fun/clbot/clbot.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..e5a5990ef25a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/clbot.go
@@ -0,0 +1,289 @@
+package main
+
+import (
+	"context"
+	"crypto/tls"
+	"flag"
+	"fmt"
+	"io/ioutil"
+	"net"
+	"os"
+	"os/signal"
+	"strings"
+	"time"
+
+	"code.tvl.fyi/fun/clbot/backoffutil"
+	"code.tvl.fyi/fun/clbot/gerrit"
+	"code.tvl.fyi/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents"
+	log "github.com/golang/glog"
+	"golang.org/x/crypto/ssh"
+	"gopkg.in/irc.v3"
+)
+
+var (
+	gerritAddr       = flag.String("gerrit_host", "cl.tvl.fyi:29418", "Gerrit SSH host:port")
+	gerritSSHHostKey = flag.String("gerrit_ssh_pubkey", "ecdsa-sha2-nistp256 AAAAE2VjZHNhLXNoYTItbmlzdHAyNTYAAAAIbmlzdHAyNTYAAABBBIUNYBYPCCBNDFSd0BuCR+8kgeuJ7IA5S2nTNQmkQUYNyXK+ot5os7rHtCk96+grd5+J8jFCuFBWisUe8h8NC0Q=", "Gerrit SSH public key")
+	gerritSSHTimeout = flag.Duration("gerrit_tcp_timeout", 5*time.Second, "Gerrit SSH TCP connect timeout")
+
+	gerritAuthUsername = flag.String("gerrit_ssh_auth_username", "", "Gerrit SSH username")
+	gerritAuthKeyPath  = flag.String("gerrit_ssh_auth_key", "", "Gerrit SSH private key path")
+
+	ircServer    = flag.String("irc_server", "irc.hackint.org:6697", "IRC server to connect to")
+	ircTls       = flag.Bool("irc_tls", false, "Does the server connection need TLS?")
+	ircNick      = flag.String("irc_nick", "clbot", "Nick to use when connecting to IRC")
+	ircUser      = flag.String("irc_user", "clbot", "User string to use for IRC")
+	ircName      = flag.String("irc_name", "clbot", "Name string to use for IRC")
+	ircChannel   = flag.String("irc_channel", "#tvl", "Channel to send messages to")
+	ircPassword  = flag.String("irc_pass", "", "Password to use for IRC")
+	ircSendLimit = flag.Duration("irc_send_limit", 100*time.Millisecond, "Delay between messages")
+	ircSendBurst = flag.Int("irc_send_burst", 10, "Number of messages which can be sent in a burst")
+
+	notifyRepo     = flag.String("notify_repo", "depot", "Repo name to notify about")
+	notifyBranches = stringSetFlag{}
+
+	neverPing = flag.String("never_ping", "marcus", "Comma-separated terms that should never ping users")
+)
+
+func init() {
+	flag.Var(&notifyBranches, "notify_branches", "Branch names (comma-separated, or repeated flags, or both) to notify users about")
+}
+
+type stringSetFlag map[string]bool
+
+func (f stringSetFlag) String() string {
+	return fmt.Sprintf("%q", map[string]bool(f))
+}
+func (f stringSetFlag) Set(s string) error {
+	if s == "" {
+		return nil
+	}
+	for _, k := range strings.Split(s, ",") {
+		if k != "" {
+			f[k] = true
+		}
+	}
+	return nil
+}
+
+func mustFixedHostKey(f string) ssh.HostKeyCallback {
+	pk, _, _, _, err := ssh.ParseAuthorizedKey([]byte(f))
+	if err != nil {
+		log.Exitf("ParseAuthorizedKey(%q): %v", f, err)
+	}
+	return ssh.FixedHostKey(pk)
+}
+
+func mustPrivateKey(p string) ssh.AuthMethod {
+	pkBytes, err := ioutil.ReadFile(p)
+	if err != nil {
+		log.Exitf("reading SSH private key from %q: %v", p, err)
+	}
+	pk, err := ssh.ParsePrivateKey(pkBytes)
+	if err != nil {
+		log.Exitf("parsing private key from %q: %v", p, err)
+	}
+	return ssh.PublicKeys(pk)
+}
+
+var shutdownFuncs []func()
+
+func callOnShutdown(f func()) {
+	shutdownFuncs = append(shutdownFuncs, f)
+}
+
+// Unicode U+200B zero-width-space, to avoid triggering other bots
+// or highlighting people on IRC.
+const zeroWidthSpace = "\u200b"
+
+func runIRC(ctx context.Context, ircCfg irc.ClientConfig, sendMsg <-chan string) {
+	bo := backoffutil.NewDefaultBackOff()
+	ircCfg.Handler = irc.HandlerFunc(func(c *irc.Client, m *irc.Message) {
+		if m.Command == "NOTICE" && m.Prefix.Name == "NickServ" && strings.Contains(m.Trailing(), "dentified") {
+			// We're probably identified now, go join the channel.
+			c.Writef("JOIN %s", *ircChannel)
+		}
+	})
+	for {
+		timer := time.NewTimer(bo.NextBackOff())
+		select {
+		case <-ctx.Done():
+			timer.Stop()
+			return
+		case <-timer.C:
+			break
+		}
+
+		(func() {
+			connectedStart := time.Now()
+
+			var ircConn net.Conn
+			var err error
+
+			if *ircTls {
+				ircConn, err = tls.Dial("tcp", *ircServer, nil)
+			} else {
+				ircConn, err = net.Dial("tcp", *ircServer)
+			}
+
+			if err != nil {
+				log.Errorf("connecting to IRC at tcp/%s (tls: %v): %v", *ircServer, *ircTls, err)
+				return
+			}
+
+			ircClient := irc.NewClient(ircConn, ircCfg)
+			ircClientCtx, cancel := context.WithCancel(ctx)
+			defer cancel()
+			go func() {
+				for {
+					select {
+					case <-ircClientCtx.Done():
+						return
+					case msg := <-sendMsg:
+						log.Infof("sending message %q to %v", msg, *ircChannel)
+						ircClient.Writef("PRIVMSG %s :%s%s", *ircChannel, zeroWidthSpace, msg)
+					}
+				}
+			}()
+			log.Infof("connecting to IRC on tcp/%s", *ircServer)
+			if err := ircClient.RunContext(ircClientCtx); err != nil {
+				connectedEnd := time.Now()
+				connectedFor := connectedEnd.Sub(connectedStart)
+				if connectedFor > 60*time.Second {
+					bo.Reset()
+				}
+				log.Errorf("IRC RunContext: %v", err)
+				return
+			}
+		})()
+	}
+}
+
+func username(a gerritevents.Account) string {
+	options := []string{
+		a.Username,
+		a.Name,
+		a.Email,
+	}
+	for _, opt := range options {
+		if opt != "" {
+			return opt
+		}
+	}
+	return "UNKNOWN USER"
+}
+
+// noping inserts a Unicode zero-width space between the first and rest characters of `user`
+// in an effort to avoid pinging that user on IRC.
+func noping(user string) string {
+	un := []rune(user)
+	return string(un[0:1]) + zeroWidthSpace + string(un[1:])
+}
+
+// Apply noping to each instance of the username in the supplied
+// message. With this users will not be pinged for their own CLs, but
+// they will be notified if someone else writes a CL that includes
+// their username.
+//
+// Also applies noping to all instances of the words in `neverPing`.
+func nopingAll(username, message string) string {
+	for _, word := range strings.Split(*neverPing, ",") {
+		message = strings.ReplaceAll(message, word, noping(word))
+	}
+
+	return strings.ReplaceAll(message, username, noping(username))
+}
+
+func patchSetURL(c gerritevents.Change, p gerritevents.PatchSet) string {
+	return fmt.Sprintf("https://cl.tvl.fyi/%d", c.Number)
+}
+
+func main() {
+	flag.Parse()
+	failed := false
+	if *gerritAuthUsername == "" {
+		log.Errorf("gerrit_ssh_auth_username must be set")
+		failed = true
+	}
+	if *gerritAuthKeyPath == "" {
+		log.Errorf("gerrit_ssh_auth_key must be set")
+		failed = true
+	}
+	if failed {
+		os.Exit(2)
+	}
+
+	shutdownCh := make(chan os.Signal)
+	signal.Notify(shutdownCh, os.Interrupt)
+	go func() {
+		<-shutdownCh
+		signal.Reset(os.Interrupt)
+		for n := len(shutdownFuncs) - 1; n >= 0; n-- {
+			shutdownFuncs[n]()
+		}
+	}()
+
+	ctx, cancel := context.WithCancel(context.Background())
+	callOnShutdown(cancel)
+	cfg := &ssh.ClientConfig{
+		User:            *gerritAuthUsername,
+		Auth:            []ssh.AuthMethod{mustPrivateKey(*gerritAuthKeyPath)},
+		HostKeyCallback: mustFixedHostKey(*gerritSSHHostKey),
+		Timeout:         *gerritSSHTimeout,
+	}
+	cfg.SetDefaults()
+
+	gw, err := gerrit.New(ctx, "tcp", *gerritAddr, cfg)
+	if err != nil {
+		log.Exitf("gerrit.New(%q): %v", *gerritAddr, err)
+	}
+	callOnShutdown(func() {
+		ctx, cancel := context.WithTimeout(context.Background(), 1*time.Second)
+		defer cancel()
+		gw.Close(ctx)
+	})
+
+	sendMsgChan := make(chan string, 5)
+	go func() {
+		for e := range gw.Events() {
+			var parsedMsg string
+			switch e := e.(type) {
+			case *gerritevents.PatchSetCreated:
+				if e.Change.Project != *notifyRepo || !notifyBranches[e.Change.Branch] || e.PatchSet.Number != 1 {
+					continue
+				}
+				user := username(e.PatchSet.Uploader)
+				parsedMsg = nopingAll(user, fmt.Sprintf("CL/%d proposed by %s - %s - %s", e.Change.Number, user, e.Change.Subject, patchSetURL(e.Change, e.PatchSet)))
+			case *gerritevents.ChangeMerged:
+				if e.Change.Project != *notifyRepo || !notifyBranches[e.Change.Branch] {
+					continue
+				}
+				owner := username(e.Change.Owner)
+				submitter := e.Submitter.Username
+				url := patchSetURL(e.Change, e.PatchSet)
+
+				if submitter != owner && submitter == "clbot" {
+					parsedMsg = nopingAll(owner, fmt.Sprintf("CL/%d by %s autosubmitted - %s - %s", e.Change.Number, owner, e.Change.Subject, url))
+				} else {
+					parsedMsg = nopingAll(owner, fmt.Sprintf("CL/%d applied by %s - %s - %s", e.Change.Number, owner, e.Change.Subject, url))
+				}
+			}
+			if parsedMsg != "" {
+				sendMsgChan <- parsedMsg
+			}
+		}
+	}()
+
+	ircCtx, ircCancel := context.WithCancel(ctx)
+	callOnShutdown(ircCancel)
+	go runIRC(ircCtx, irc.ClientConfig{
+		Nick: *ircNick,
+		User: *ircUser,
+		Name: *ircName,
+		Pass: *ircPassword,
+
+		SendLimit: *ircSendLimit,
+		SendBurst: *ircSendBurst,
+	}, sendMsgChan)
+
+	<-ctx.Done()
+}
diff --git a/fun/clbot/default.nix b/fun/clbot/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..e6b9c2fb9bf9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,19 @@
+{ depot, ... }@args:
+
+let
+  clbot = depot.fun.clbot;
+  gopkgs = depot.third_party.gopkgs;
+in
+depot.nix.buildGo.program {
+  name = "clbot";
+  srcs = [
+    ./clbot.go
+  ];
+  deps = [
+    clbot.gerrit
+    gopkgs."github.com".davecgh.go-spew.spew.gopkg
+    gopkgs."github.com".golang.glog.gopkg
+    gopkgs."golang.org".x.crypto.ssh.gopkg
+    gopkgs."gopkg.in"."irc.v3".gopkg
+  ];
+}
diff --git a/fun/clbot/gerrit/default.nix b/fun/clbot/gerrit/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..3b6ce0a7392f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/gerrit/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,18 @@
+{ depot, ... }:
+
+let
+  inherit (depot.fun) clbot;
+  inherit (depot.third_party) gopkgs;
+in
+depot.nix.buildGo.package {
+  name = "code.tvl.fyi/fun/clbot/gerrit";
+  srcs = [
+    ./watcher.go
+  ];
+  deps = [
+    clbot.gerrit.gerritevents
+    clbot.backoffutil
+    gopkgs."github.com".golang.glog.gopkg
+    gopkgs."golang.org".x.crypto.ssh.gopkg
+  ];
+}
diff --git a/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/default.nix b/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..024451858bbc
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
+{ depot, ... }:
+
+depot.nix.buildGo.package {
+  name = "code.tvl.fyi/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents";
+  srcs = [
+    ./time.go
+    ./types.go
+    ./events.go
+  ];
+}
diff --git a/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/events.go b/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/events.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..c02b30f76ea8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/events.go
@@ -0,0 +1,321 @@
+package gerritevents
+
+import (
+	"encoding/json"
+	"fmt"
+)
+
+var events = map[string]func() Event{}
+
+func registerEvent(e func() Event) {
+	t := e().EventType()
+	if _, ok := events[t]; ok {
+		panic(fmt.Sprintf("%s already registered", t))
+	}
+	events[t] = e
+}
+
+// These events are taken from https://cl.tvl.fyi/Documentation/cmd-stream-events.html.
+
+// Event is implemented by Gerrit event structs.
+type Event interface {
+	EventType() string
+}
+
+type simpleEvent struct {
+	Type string `json:"type"`
+}
+
+// Parse parses a Gerrit event from JSON.
+func Parse(bs []byte) (Event, error) {
+	var s simpleEvent
+	if err := json.Unmarshal(bs, &s); err != nil {
+		return nil, fmt.Errorf("unmarshalling %q as Gerrit Event: %v", string(bs), err)
+	}
+	ef, ok := events[s.Type]
+	if !ok {
+		return nil, fmt.Errorf("unknown event type %q", s.Type)
+	}
+	e := ef()
+	if err := json.Unmarshal(bs, e); err != nil {
+		return nil, fmt.Errorf("unmarshalling %q as Gerrit Event %q: %v", string(bs), e.EventType(), err)
+	}
+	return e, nil
+}
+
+// AssigneeChanged indicates that a change's assignee has been changed.
+type AssigneeChanged struct {
+	Type           string  `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change  `json:"change"`
+	Changer        Account `json:"changer"`
+	OldAssignee    Account `json:"oldAssignee"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time    `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (AssigneeChanged) EventType() string { return "assignee-changed" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &AssigneeChanged{} })
+}
+
+// ChangeAbandoned indicates that a change has been abandoned.
+type ChangeAbandoned struct {
+	Type           string   `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change   `json:"change"`
+	PatchSet       PatchSet `json:"patchSet"`
+	Abandoner      Account  `json:"abandoner"`
+	Reason         string   `json:"reason"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time     `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (ChangeAbandoned) EventType() string { return "change-abandoned" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &ChangeAbandoned{} })
+}
+
+// ChangeDeleted indicates that a change has been deleted.
+type ChangeDeleted struct {
+	Type    string  `json:"type"`
+	Change  Change  `json:"change"`
+	Deleter Account `json:"deleter"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (ChangeDeleted) EventType() string { return "change-deleted" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &ChangeDeleted{} })
+}
+
+// ChangeMerged indicates that a change has been merged into the target branch.
+type ChangeMerged struct {
+	Type           string   `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change   `json:"change"`
+	PatchSet       PatchSet `json:"patchSet"`
+	Submitter      Account  `json:"submitter"`
+	NewRev         string   `json:"newRev"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time     `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (ChangeMerged) EventType() string { return "change-merged" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &ChangeMerged{} })
+}
+
+// ChangeRestored indicates a change has been restored (i.e. un-abandoned).
+type ChangeRestored struct {
+	Type           string   `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change   `json:"change"`
+	PatchSet       PatchSet `json:"patchSet"`
+	Restorer       Account  `json:"restorer"`
+	Reason         string   `json:"reason"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time     `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (ChangeRestored) EventType() string { return "change-restored" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &ChangeRestored{} })
+}
+
+// CommentAdded indicates someone has commented on a patchset.
+type CommentAdded struct {
+	Type           string     `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change     `json:"change"`
+	PatchSet       PatchSet   `json:"patchSet"`
+	Author         Account    `json:"author"`
+	Approvals      []Approval `json:"approvals"`
+	Comment        string     `json:"comment"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time       `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (CommentAdded) EventType() string { return "comment-added" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &CommentAdded{} })
+}
+
+// DroppedOutput indicates that some events may be missing from the stream.
+type DroppedOutput struct {
+	Type string `json:"type"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (DroppedOutput) EventType() string { return "dropped-output" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &DroppedOutput{} })
+}
+
+// HashtagsChanged indicates that someone has added or removed hashtags from a change.
+type HashtagsChanged struct {
+	Type           string   `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change   `json:"change"`
+	Editor         Account  `json:"editor"`
+	Added          []string `json:"added"`
+	Removed        []string `json:"removed"`
+	Hashtags       []string `json:"hashtags"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time     `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (HashtagsChanged) EventType() string { return "hashtags-changed" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &HashtagsChanged{} })
+}
+
+// ProjectCreated indicates that a new project has been created.
+type ProjectCreated struct {
+	Type           string `json:"type"`
+	ProjectName    string `json:"projectName"`
+	ProjectHead    string `json:"projectHead"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time   `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (ProjectCreated) EventType() string { return "project-created" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &ProjectCreated{} })
+}
+
+// PatchSetCreated indicates that a new patchset has been added to a change.
+type PatchSetCreated struct {
+	Type           string   `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change   `json:"change"`
+	PatchSet       PatchSet `json:"patchSet"`
+	Uploader       Account  `json:"uploader"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time     `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (PatchSetCreated) EventType() string { return "patchset-created" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &PatchSetCreated{} })
+}
+
+// RefUpdated indicates that a ref has been updated.
+type RefUpdated struct {
+	Type           string    `json:"type"`
+	Submitter      Account   `json:"submitter"`
+	RefUpdate      RefUpdate `json:"refUpdate"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time      `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (RefUpdated) EventType() string { return "ref-updated" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &RefUpdated{} })
+}
+
+// ReviewerAdded indicates that a reviewer has been added to a change.
+type ReviewerAdded struct {
+	Type           string   `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change   `json:"change"`
+	PatchSet       PatchSet `json:"patchSet"`
+	Reviewer       Account  `json:"reviewer"`
+	Adder          Account  `json:"adder"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time     `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (ReviewerAdded) EventType() string { return "reviewer-added" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &ReviewerAdded{} })
+}
+
+// ReviewerDeleted indicates that a reviewer has been removed from a change, possibly removing one or more approvals.
+type ReviewerDeleted struct {
+	Type           string     `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change     `json:"change"`
+	PatchSet       PatchSet   `json:"patchSet"`
+	Reviewer       Account    `json:"reviewer"`
+	Remover        Account    `json:"remover"`
+	Approvals      []Approval `json:"approvals"`
+	Comment        string     `json:"comment"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time       `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (ReviewerDeleted) EventType() string { return "reviewer-deleted" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &ReviewerDeleted{} })
+}
+
+// TopicChanged indicates that the topic attached to a change has been changed.
+type TopicChanged struct {
+	Type           string  `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change  `json:"change"`
+	Changer        Account `json:"changer"`
+	OldTopic       string  `json:"oldTopic"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time    `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (TopicChanged) EventType() string { return "topic-changed" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &TopicChanged{} })
+}
+
+// WIPStateChanged indicates that the work-in-progress state of a change has changed.
+type WIPStateChanged struct {
+	Type           string   `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change   `json:"change"`
+	PatchSet       PatchSet `json:"patchSet"`
+	Changer        Account  `json:"changer"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time     `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (WIPStateChanged) EventType() string { return "wip-state-changed" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &WIPStateChanged{} })
+}
+
+// PrivateStateChanged indicates that the private state of a change has changed.
+type PrivateStateChanged struct {
+	Type           string   `json:"type"`
+	Change         Change   `json:"change"`
+	PatchSet       PatchSet `json:"patchSet"`
+	Changer        Account  `json:"changer"`
+	EventCreatedOn Time     `json:"eventCreatedOn"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (PrivateStateChanged) EventType() string { return "private-state-changed" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &PrivateStateChanged{} })
+}
+
+// VoteDeleted indicates that an approval vote has been deleted from a change.
+type VoteDeleted struct {
+	Type      string     `json:"type"`
+	Change    Change     `json:"change"`
+	PatchSet  PatchSet   `json:"patchSet"`
+	Reviewer  Account    `json:"reviewer"`
+	Remover   Account    `json:"remover"`
+	Approvals []Approval `json:"approvals"`
+	Comment   string     `json:"comment"`
+}
+
+// EventType implements Event.
+func (VoteDeleted) EventType() string { return "vote-deleted" }
+
+func init() {
+	registerEvent(func() Event { return &VoteDeleted{} })
+}
diff --git a/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/time.go b/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/time.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..7fbfaa3f5c47
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/time.go
@@ -0,0 +1,38 @@
+package gerritevents
+
+import (
+	"fmt"
+	"strconv"
+	"time"
+)
+
+// Time is a time.Time that is formatted as a Unix timestamp in JSON.
+type Time struct {
+	time.Time
+}
+
+// UnmarshalJSON unmarshals a Unix timestamp into a Time.
+func (t *Time) UnmarshalJSON(bs []byte) error {
+	if string(bs) == "null" {
+		return nil
+	}
+	u, err := strconv.ParseInt(string(bs), 10, 64)
+	if err != nil {
+		return err
+	}
+	t.Time = time.Unix(u, 0)
+	return nil
+}
+
+// MarshalJSON marshals a Time into a Unix timestamp.
+func (t *Time) MarshalJSON() ([]byte, error) {
+	if t.IsZero() {
+		return []byte("null"), nil
+	}
+	return []byte(fmt.Sprintf("%d", t.Unix())), nil
+}
+
+// IsSet returns true if the time.Time is non-zero.
+func (t *Time) IsSet() bool {
+	return !t.IsZero()
+}
diff --git a/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/types.go b/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/types.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..75987a2da601
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents/types.go
@@ -0,0 +1,221 @@
+package gerritevents
+
+// These types are taken from https://cl.tvl.fyi/Documentation/json.html.
+
+// Account is a Gerrit account (or just a Git name+email pair).
+type Account struct {
+	Name     string `json:"name"`
+	Email    string `json:"email"`
+	Username string `json:"username"`
+}
+
+// ChangeStatus represents the states a change can be in.
+type ChangeStatus string
+
+const (
+	// ChangeStatusNew is the state a change is in during review.
+	ChangeStatusNew ChangeStatus = "NEW"
+
+	// ChangeStatusMerged indicates a change was merged to the target branch.
+	ChangeStatusMerged ChangeStatus = "MERGED"
+
+	// ChangeStatusAbandoned indicates a change was marked as abandoned.
+	ChangeStatusAbandoned ChangeStatus = "ABANDONED"
+)
+
+// Message is a message left by a reviewer.
+type Message struct {
+	Timestamp Time    `json:"timestamp"`
+	Reviewer  Account `json:"reviewer"`
+	Message   string  `json:"message"`
+}
+
+// TrackingID allows storing identifiers from external systems, i.e. bug trackers.
+type TrackingID struct {
+	System string `json:"system"`
+	ID     string `json:"id"`
+}
+
+// ChangeKind indicates the different changes that can be made to a change.
+type ChangeKind string
+
+const (
+	// ChangeKindRework indicates a non-trivial content change.
+	ChangeKindRework ChangeKind = "REWORK"
+
+	// ChangeKindTrivialRebase indicates a conflict-free merge between the new parent and the prior patch set.
+	ChangeKindTrivialRebase ChangeKind = "TRIVIAL_REBASE"
+
+	// ChangeKindMergeFirstParentUpdate indicates a conflict-free change of the first parent of a merge commit.
+	ChangeKindMergeFirstParentUpdate ChangeKind = "MERGE_FIRST_PARENT_UPDATE"
+
+	// ChangeKindNoCodeChange indicates no code change (the tree and parent trees are unchanged) - commit message probably changed.
+	ChangeKindNoCodeChange ChangeKind = "NO_CODE_CHANGE"
+
+	// ChangeKindNoChange indicates nothing changes: the commit message, tree, and parent tree are unchanged.
+	ChangeKindNoChange ChangeKind = "NO_CHANGE"
+)
+
+// Approval represents the current and past state of an approval label.
+type Approval struct {
+	Type        string   `json:"type"`
+	Description string   `json:"description"`
+	Value       string   `json:"value"`
+	OldValue    *string  `json:"oldValue"`
+	GrantedOn   *Time    `json:"grantedOn"`
+	By          *Account `json:"by"`
+}
+
+// PatchSetComment is a single comment left on a patchset.
+type PatchSetComment struct {
+	File     string  `json:"file"`
+	Line     int     `json:"line"`
+	Reviewer Account `json:"reviewer"`
+	Message  string  `json:"message"`
+}
+
+// FilePatchType represents the different modifications that can be made to a file by a patchset.
+type FilePatchType string
+
+const (
+	// FilePatchTypeAdded indicates the file did not exist, and this patchset adds it to the tree.
+	FilePatchTypeAdded FilePatchType = "ADDED"
+
+	// FilePatchTypeModified indicates the file exists before and after this patchset.
+	FilePatchTypeModified FilePatchType = "MODIFIED"
+
+	// FilePatchTypeDeleted indicates the file is removed by this patchset.
+	FilePatchTypeDeleted FilePatchType = "DELETED"
+
+	// FilePatchTypeRenamed indicates the file has a different name before this patchset than after.
+	FilePatchTypeRenamed FilePatchType = "RENAMED"
+
+	// FilePatchTypeCopied indicates the file was copied from a different file.
+	FilePatchTypeCopied FilePatchType = "COPIED"
+
+	// FilePatchTypeRewrite indicates the file had a significant quantity of content changed.
+	FilePatchTypeRewrite FilePatchType = "REWRITE"
+)
+
+// File represents a file in a patchset as well as how it is being modified.
+type File struct {
+	File    string        `json:"file"`
+	FileOld string        `json:"fileOld"`
+	Type    FilePatchType `json:"type"`
+}
+
+// PatchSet represents a single patchset within a change.
+type PatchSet struct {
+	Number         int               `json:"number"`
+	Revision       string            `json:"revision"`
+	Parents        []string          `json:"parents"`
+	Ref            string            `json:"ref"`
+	Uploader       Account           `json:"uploader"`
+	Author         Account           `json:"author"`
+	CreatedOn      Time              `json:"createdOn"`
+	Kind           ChangeKind        `json:"kind"`
+	Approvals      []Approval        `json:"approvals"`
+	Comments       []PatchSetComment `json:"comments"`
+	Files          []File            `json:"file"`
+	SizeInsertions int               `json:"sizeInsertions"`
+	SizeDeletions  int               `json:"sizeDeletions"`
+}
+
+// Dependency represents a change on which this change is dependent.
+type Dependency struct {
+	ID                string `json:"id"`
+	Number            int    `json:"number"`
+	Revision          string `json:"revision"`
+	Ref               string `json:"ref"`
+	IsCurrentPatchSet bool   `json:"isCurrentPatchSet"`
+}
+
+// SubmitStatus indicates whether this change has met the submit conditions and is ready to submit.
+type SubmitStatus string
+
+const (
+	// SubmitStatusOK indicates this change is ready to submit - all submit requirements are met.
+	SubmitStatusOK SubmitStatus = "OK"
+
+	// SubmitStatusNotReady indicates this change cannot yet be submitted.
+	SubmitStatusNotReady SubmitStatus = "NOT_READY"
+
+	// SubmitStatusRuleError indicates the submit rules could not be evaluted. Administrator intervention is required.
+	SubmitStatusRuleError SubmitStatus = "RULE_ERROR"
+)
+
+// LabelStatus indicates whether this label permits submission and if the label can be granted by anyone.
+type LabelStatus string
+
+const (
+	// LabelStatusOK indicates that this label provides what is necessary for submission (e.g. CR+2).
+	LabelStatusOK LabelStatus = "OK"
+
+	// LabelStatusReject indicates this label prevents submission (e.g. CR-2).
+	LabelStatusReject LabelStatus = "REJECT"
+
+	// LabelStatusNeed indicates this label is required for submission, but has not been satisfied (e.g. CR0).
+	LabelStatusNeed LabelStatus = "NEED"
+
+	// LabelStatusMay indicates this label is not required for submission. It may or may not be set.
+	LabelStatusMay LabelStatus = "MAY"
+
+	// LabelStatusImpossible indicates this label is required for submission, but cannot be satisfied. The ACLs on this label may be set incorrectly.
+	LabelStatusImpossible LabelStatus = "IMPOSSIBLE"
+)
+
+// Label represents the status of a particular label.
+type Label struct {
+	Label  string      `json:"label"`
+	Status LabelStatus `json:"status"`
+	By     Account     `json:"by"`
+}
+
+// Requirement represents a submit requirement.
+type Requirement struct {
+	FallbackText string `json:"fallbackText"`
+	Type         string `json:"type"`
+	// TODO(lukegb): data
+}
+
+// SubmitRecord represents the current submission state of a change.
+type SubmitRecord struct {
+	Status       SubmitStatus  `json:"status"`
+	Labels       []Label       `json:"labels"`
+	Requirements []Requirement `json:"requirements"`
+}
+
+// Change represents a Gerrit CL.
+type Change struct {
+	Project         string         `json:"project"`
+	Branch          string         `json:"branch"`
+	Topic           string         `json:"topic"`
+	ID              string         `json:"id"`
+	Number          int            `json:"number"`
+	Subject         string         `json:"subject"`
+	Owner           Account        `json:"owner"`
+	URL             string         `json:"url"`
+	CommitMessage   string         `json:"commitMessage"`
+	CreatedOn       Time           `json:"createdOn"`
+	LastUpdated     *Time          `json:"lastUpdated"`
+	Open            bool           `json:"open"`
+	Status          ChangeStatus   `json:"status"`
+	Private         bool           `json:"private"`
+	WIP             bool           `json:"wip"`
+	Comments        []Message      `json:"comments"`
+	TrackingIDs     []TrackingID   `json:"trackingIds"`
+	CurrentPatchSet *PatchSet      `json:"currentPatchSet"`
+	PatchSets       []PatchSet     `json:"patchSets"`
+	DependsOn       []Dependency   `json:"dependsOn"`
+	NeededBy        []Dependency   `json:"neededBy"`
+	SubmitRecords   []SubmitRecord `json:"submitRecord"`
+	AllReviewers    []Account      `json:"allReviewers"`
+}
+
+// RefUpdate represents a change in a ref.
+type RefUpdate struct {
+	OldRev  string `json:"oldRev"`
+	NewRev  string `json:"newRev"`
+	RefName string `json:"refName"`
+	Project string `json:"project"`
+}
diff --git a/fun/clbot/gerrit/watcher.go b/fun/clbot/gerrit/watcher.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..d45876129b3a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/gerrit/watcher.go
@@ -0,0 +1,252 @@
+// Package gerrit implements a watcher for Gerrit events.
+package gerrit
+
+import (
+	"context"
+	"errors"
+	"fmt"
+	"net"
+	"strings"
+	"time"
+
+	"code.tvl.fyi/fun/clbot/backoffutil"
+	"code.tvl.fyi/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents"
+	log "github.com/golang/glog"
+	"golang.org/x/crypto/ssh"
+)
+
+// closer provides an embeddable implementation of Close which awaits a main loop acknowledging it has stopped.
+type closer struct {
+	stop    chan struct{}
+	stopped chan struct{}
+}
+
+// newCloser returns a closer with the channels initialised.
+func newCloser() closer {
+	return closer{
+		stop:    make(chan struct{}),
+		stopped: make(chan struct{}),
+	}
+}
+
+// Close stops the main loop, waiting for the main loop to stop until it stops or the context is cancelled, whichever happens first.
+func (c *closer) Close(ctx context.Context) error {
+	select {
+	case <-c.stopped:
+		return nil
+	case <-c.stop:
+		return nil
+	case <-ctx.Done():
+		return ctx.Err()
+	default:
+	}
+	close(c.stop)
+	select {
+	case <-c.stopped:
+		return nil
+	case <-ctx.Done():
+		return ctx.Err()
+	}
+}
+
+// lineWriter is an io.Writer which splits on \n and outputs each line (with no trailing newline) to its output channel.
+type lineWriter struct {
+	buf string
+	out chan string
+}
+
+// Write accepts a slice of bytes containing zero or more new lines.
+// If the contained channel is non-buffering or is full, this will block.
+func (w *lineWriter) Write(p []byte) (n int, err error) {
+	w.buf += string(p)
+	pieces := strings.Split(w.buf, "\n")
+	w.buf = pieces[len(pieces)-1]
+	for n := 0; n < len(pieces)-1; n++ {
+		w.out <- pieces[n]
+	}
+	return len(p), nil
+}
+
+// restartingClient is a simple SSH client that repeatedly connects to an SSH server, runs a command, and outputs the lines output by it on stdout onto a channel.
+type restartingClient struct {
+	closer
+
+	network string
+	addr    string
+	cfg     *ssh.ClientConfig
+
+	exec     string
+	output   chan string
+	shutdown func()
+}
+
+var (
+	errStopConnect = errors.New("gerrit: told to stop reconnecting by remote server")
+)
+
+func (c *restartingClient) runOnce() error {
+	netConn, err := net.Dial(c.network, c.addr)
+	if err != nil {
+		return fmt.Errorf("connecting to %v/%v: %w", c.network, c.addr, err)
+	}
+	defer netConn.Close()
+
+	sshConn, newCh, newReq, err := ssh.NewClientConn(netConn, c.addr, c.cfg)
+	if err != nil {
+		return fmt.Errorf("creating SSH connection to %v/%v: %w", c.network, c.addr, err)
+	}
+	defer sshConn.Close()
+
+	goAway := false
+	passedThroughReqs := make(chan *ssh.Request)
+	go func() {
+		defer close(passedThroughReqs)
+		for req := range newReq {
+			if req.Type == "goaway" {
+				goAway = true
+				log.Warningf("remote end %v/%v told me to go away!", c.network, c.addr)
+				sshConn.Close()
+				netConn.Close()
+			}
+			passedThroughReqs <- req
+		}
+	}()
+
+	cl := ssh.NewClient(sshConn, newCh, passedThroughReqs)
+
+	sess, err := cl.NewSession()
+	if err != nil {
+		return fmt.Errorf("NewSession on %v/%v: %w", c.network, c.addr, err)
+	}
+	defer sess.Close()
+
+	sess.Stdout = &lineWriter{out: c.output}
+
+	if err := sess.Start(c.exec); err != nil {
+		return fmt.Errorf("Start(%q) on %v/%v: %w", c.exec, c.network, c.addr, err)
+	}
+
+	log.Infof("connected to %v/%v", c.network, c.addr)
+
+	done := make(chan struct{})
+	go func() {
+		sess.Wait()
+		close(done)
+	}()
+	go func() {
+		select {
+		case <-c.stop:
+			sess.Close()
+		case <-done:
+		}
+		return
+	}()
+	<-done
+
+	if goAway {
+		return errStopConnect
+	}
+	return nil
+}
+
+func (c *restartingClient) run() {
+	defer close(c.stopped)
+	bo := backoffutil.NewDefaultBackOff()
+	for {
+		timer := time.NewTimer(bo.NextBackOff())
+		select {
+		case <-c.stop:
+			timer.Stop()
+			return
+		case <-timer.C:
+			break
+		}
+		if err := c.runOnce(); err == errStopConnect {
+			if c.shutdown != nil {
+				c.shutdown()
+				return
+			}
+		} else if err != nil {
+			log.Errorf("SSH: %v", err)
+		} else {
+			bo.Reset()
+		}
+	}
+}
+
+// Output returns the channel on which each newline-delimited string output by the executed command's stdout can be received.
+func (c *restartingClient) Output() <-chan string {
+	return c.output
+}
+
+// dialRestartingClient creates a new restartingClient.
+func dialRestartingClient(network, addr string, config *ssh.ClientConfig, exec string, shutdown func()) (*restartingClient, error) {
+	c := &restartingClient{
+		closer:   newCloser(),
+		network:  network,
+		addr:     addr,
+		cfg:      config,
+		exec:     exec,
+		output:   make(chan string),
+		shutdown: shutdown,
+	}
+	go c.run()
+	return c, nil
+}
+
+// Watcher watches
+type Watcher struct {
+	closer
+	c *restartingClient
+
+	output chan gerritevents.Event
+}
+
+// Close shuts down the SSH client connection, if any, and closes the output channel.
+// It blocks until shutdown is complete or until the context is cancelled, whichever comes first.
+func (w *Watcher) Close(ctx context.Context) {
+	w.c.Close(ctx)
+	w.closer.Close(ctx)
+}
+
+func (w *Watcher) run() {
+	defer close(w.stopped)
+	defer close(w.output)
+	for {
+		select {
+		case <-w.stop:
+			return
+		case o := <-w.c.Output():
+			ev, err := gerritevents.Parse([]byte(o))
+			if err != nil {
+				log.Errorf("failed to parse event %v: %v", o, err)
+				continue
+			}
+			w.output <- ev
+		}
+	}
+}
+
+// Events returns the channel upon which parsed Gerrit events can be received.
+func (w *Watcher) Events() <-chan gerritevents.Event {
+	return w.output
+}
+
+// New returns a running Watcher from which events can be read.
+// It will begin connecting to the provided address immediately.
+func New(ctx context.Context, network, addr string, cfg *ssh.ClientConfig) (*Watcher, error) {
+	wc := newCloser()
+	rc, err := dialRestartingClient(network, addr, cfg, "gerrit stream-events", func() {
+		wc.Close(context.Background())
+	})
+	if err != nil {
+		return nil, fmt.Errorf("dialRestartingClient: %w", err)
+	}
+	w := &Watcher{
+		closer: wc,
+		c:      rc,
+		output: make(chan gerritevents.Event),
+	}
+	go w.run()
+	return w, nil
+}
diff --git a/fun/clbot/gerrit/watcher_test.go b/fun/clbot/gerrit/watcher_test.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..ae69b2fc4c18
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/gerrit/watcher_test.go
@@ -0,0 +1,190 @@
+package gerrit
+
+import (
+	"context"
+	"crypto/ecdsa"
+	"crypto/elliptic"
+	"crypto/rand"
+	"crypto/subtle"
+	"fmt"
+	"net"
+	"testing"
+	"time"
+
+	"code.tvl.fyi/fun/clbot/gerrit/gerritevents"
+	log "github.com/golang/glog"
+	"github.com/google/go-cmp/cmp"
+	"golang.org/x/crypto/ssh"
+)
+
+var (
+	sshServerSigner, sshServerPublicKey = mustNewKey()
+	sshClientSigner, sshClientPublicKey = mustNewKey()
+)
+
+func mustNewKey() (ssh.Signer, ssh.PublicKey) {
+	key, err := ecdsa.GenerateKey(elliptic.P384(), rand.Reader)
+	if err != nil {
+		panic(err)
+	}
+	signer, err := ssh.NewSignerFromKey(key)
+	if err != nil {
+		panic(err)
+	}
+	publicKey, err := ssh.NewPublicKey(key.Public())
+	if err != nil {
+		panic(err)
+	}
+	return signer, publicKey
+}
+
+func newSSHServer(lines string) (addr string, cleanup func(), err error) {
+	config := &ssh.ServerConfig{
+		PublicKeyCallback: func(c ssh.ConnMetadata, pubKey ssh.PublicKey) (*ssh.Permissions, error) {
+			pkBytes := pubKey.Marshal()
+			wantPKBytes := sshClientPublicKey.Marshal()
+			if subtle.ConstantTimeCompare(pkBytes, wantPKBytes) == 0 {
+				return nil, fmt.Errorf("unauthorized")
+			}
+			return &ssh.Permissions{}, nil
+		},
+	}
+	config.AddHostKey(sshServerSigner)
+
+	ln, err := net.Listen("tcp", ":0")
+	if err != nil {
+		log.Fatalf("Listen on tcp/:0: %v", err)
+	}
+	handle := func(conn net.Conn) {
+		defer conn.Close()
+
+		sc, newchch, newreqch, err := ssh.NewServerConn(conn, config)
+		if err != nil {
+			log.Fatalf("NewServerConn: %v", err)
+		}
+		go ssh.DiscardRequests(newreqch)
+		for newCh := range newchch {
+			if newCh.ChannelType() != "session" {
+				newCh.Reject(ssh.UnknownChannelType, "unknown channel type")
+				continue
+			}
+
+			channel, reqs, err := newCh.Accept()
+			if err != nil {
+				log.Fatalf("Could not accept channel: %v", err)
+			}
+			go func(in <-chan *ssh.Request) {
+				for req := range in {
+					req.Reply(req.Type == "exec", nil)
+				}
+			}(reqs)
+			channel.Write([]byte(lines))
+			sc.SendRequest("goaway", false, nil)
+		}
+	}
+	go func() {
+		for {
+			conn, err := ln.Accept()
+			if err != nil {
+				return
+			}
+			go handle(conn)
+		}
+	}()
+
+	cleanup = func() {
+		ln.Close()
+	}
+	return ln.Addr().String(), cleanup, err
+}
+
+func ts(s string) gerritevents.Time {
+	t, err := time.Parse("2006-01-02 15:04:05 -0700 MST", s)
+	if err != nil {
+		panic(err)
+	}
+	return gerritevents.Time{t}
+}
+
+func optStr(s string) *string { return &s }
+
+func TestWatcher(t *testing.T) {
+	tcs := []struct {
+		name  string
+		lines string
+		want  []gerritevents.Event
+	}{{
+		name: "no events",
+	}, {
+		name: "single test event",
+		lines: `{"author":{"name":"tazjin","email":"mail@tazj.in","username":"tazjin"},"approvals":[{"type":"Code-Review","description":"Code-Review","value":"2","oldValue":"0"}],"comment":"Patch Set 3: Code-Review+2","patchSet":{"number":3,"revision":"6fe272d3f82c6efdfe1167fab98bf918efc03fe5","parents":["d984b6018cf68c7e8b7169b475d90134fbcee767"],"ref":"refs/changes/44/244/3","uploader":{"name":"tazjin","email":"mail@tazj.in","username":"tazjin"},"createdOn":1592081910,"author":{"name":"tazjin","email":"mail@tazj.in","username":"tazjin"},"kind":"REWORK","sizeInsertions":83,"sizeDeletions":-156},"change":{"project":"depot","branch":"master","id":"I546c701145fa204b7ba7518a8a56a783588629e0","number":244,"subject":"refactor(ops/nixos): Move my NixOS configurations to //users/tazjin","owner":{"name":"tazjin","email":"mail@tazj.in","username":"tazjin"},"url":"https://cl.tvl.fyi/c/depot/+/244","commitMessage":"refactor(ops/nixos): Move my NixOS configurations to //users/tazjin\n\nNixOS modules move one level up because it\u0027s unlikely that //ops/nixos\nwill contain actual systems at this point (they\u0027re user-specific).\n\nThis is the first users folder, so it is also added to the root\nreadTree invocation for the repository.\n\nChange-Id: I546c701145fa204b7ba7518a8a56a783588629e0\n","createdOn":1592081577,"status":"NEW"},"project":"depot","refName":"refs/heads/master","changeKey":{"id":"I546c701145fa204b7ba7518a8a56a783588629e0"},"type":"comment-added","eventCreatedOn":1592081929}
+`,
+		want: []gerritevents.Event{
+			&gerritevents.CommentAdded{
+				Type: "comment-added",
+				Change: gerritevents.Change{
+					Project:       "depot",
+					Branch:        "master",
+					ID:            "I546c701145fa204b7ba7518a8a56a783588629e0",
+					Number:        244,
+					Subject:       "refactor(ops/nixos): Move my NixOS configurations to //users/tazjin",
+					Owner:         gerritevents.Account{Name: "tazjin", Email: "mail@tazj.in", Username: "tazjin"},
+					URL:           "https://cl.tvl.fyi/c/depot/+/244",
+					CommitMessage: "refactor(ops/nixos): Move my NixOS configurations to //users/tazjin\n\nNixOS modules move one level up because it's unlikely that //ops/nixos\nwill contain actual systems at this point (they're user-specific).\n\nThis is the first users folder, so it is also added to the root\nreadTree invocation for the repository.\n\nChange-Id: I546c701145fa204b7ba7518a8a56a783588629e0\n",
+					CreatedOn:     ts("2020-06-13 21:52:57 +0100 BST"),
+					Status:        "NEW",
+				},
+				PatchSet: gerritevents.PatchSet{
+					Number:         3,
+					Revision:       "6fe272d3f82c6efdfe1167fab98bf918efc03fe5",
+					Parents:        []string{"d984b6018cf68c7e8b7169b475d90134fbcee767"},
+					Ref:            "refs/changes/44/244/3",
+					Uploader:       gerritevents.Account{Name: "tazjin", Email: "mail@tazj.in", Username: "tazjin"},
+					Author:         gerritevents.Account{Name: "tazjin", Email: "mail@tazj.in", Username: "tazjin"},
+					CreatedOn:      ts("2020-06-13 21:58:30 +0100 BST"),
+					Kind:           "REWORK",
+					SizeInsertions: 83,
+					SizeDeletions:  -156,
+				},
+				Author:         gerritevents.Account{Name: "tazjin", Email: "mail@tazj.in", Username: "tazjin"},
+				Approvals:      []gerritevents.Approval{{Type: "Code-Review", Description: "Code-Review", Value: "2", OldValue: optStr("0")}},
+				Comment:        "Patch Set 3: Code-Review+2",
+				EventCreatedOn: ts("2020-06-13 21:58:49 +0100 BST"),
+			},
+		},
+	}}
+	for _, tc := range tcs {
+		tc := tc
+		t.Run(tc.name, func(t *testing.T) {
+			t.Parallel()
+
+			ctx, cancel := context.WithCancel(context.Background())
+			defer cancel()
+
+			serverAddr, cleanup, err := newSSHServer(tc.lines)
+			if err != nil {
+				t.Fatalf("newSSHServer: %v", err)
+			}
+			t.Cleanup(cleanup)
+
+			config := &ssh.ClientConfig{
+				User:            "bert",
+				Auth:            []ssh.AuthMethod{ssh.PublicKeys(sshClientSigner)},
+				HostKeyCallback: ssh.FixedHostKey(sshServerPublicKey),
+				Timeout:         10 * time.Millisecond,
+			}
+			w, err := New(ctx, "tcp", serverAddr, config)
+			if err != nil {
+				t.Fatalf("New: %v", err)
+			}
+
+			var gotEvents []gerritevents.Event
+			for ev := range w.Events() {
+				gotEvents = append(gotEvents, ev)
+			}
+			if diff := cmp.Diff(gotEvents, tc.want); diff != "" {
+				t.Errorf("got events != want events: diff:\n%v", diff)
+			}
+		})
+	}
+}
diff --git a/fun/clbot/go.mod b/fun/clbot/go.mod
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..f1e366ba9d21
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/go.mod
@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
+module code.tvl.fyi/fun/clbot
+
+go 1.14
+
+require (
+	github.com/cenkalti/backoff/v4 v4.0.2
+	github.com/davecgh/go-spew v1.1.1 // indirect
+	github.com/golang/glog v0.0.0-20160126235308-23def4e6c14b
+	github.com/google/go-cmp v0.4.1
+	golang.org/x/crypto v0.0.0-20200604202706-70a84ac30bf9
+	gopkg.in/irc.v3 v3.1.3
+)
diff --git a/fun/clbot/go.sum b/fun/clbot/go.sum
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..d5434526e875
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/clbot/go.sum
@@ -0,0 +1,31 @@
+github.com/cenkalti/backoff/v4 v4.0.2 h1:JIufpQLbh4DkbQoii76ItQIUFzevQSqOLZca4eamEDs=
+github.com/cenkalti/backoff/v4 v4.0.2/go.mod h1:eEew/i+1Q6OrCDZh3WiXYv3+nJwBASZ8Bog/87DQnVg=
+github.com/davecgh/go-spew v1.1.0/go.mod h1:J7Y8YcW2NihsgmVo/mv3lAwl/skON4iLHjSsI+c5H38=
+github.com/davecgh/go-spew v1.1.1 h1:vj9j/u1bqnvCEfJOwUhtlOARqs3+rkHYY13jYWTU97c=
+github.com/davecgh/go-spew v1.1.1/go.mod h1:J7Y8YcW2NihsgmVo/mv3lAwl/skON4iLHjSsI+c5H38=
+github.com/golang/glog v0.0.0-20160126235308-23def4e6c14b h1:VKtxabqXZkF25pY9ekfRL6a582T4P37/31XEstQ5p58=
+github.com/golang/glog v0.0.0-20160126235308-23def4e6c14b/go.mod h1:SBH7ygxi8pfUlaOkMMuAQtPIUF8ecWP5IEl/CR7VP2Q=
+github.com/google/go-cmp v0.4.1 h1:/exdXoGamhu5ONeUJH0deniYLWYvQwW66yvlfiiKTu0=
+github.com/google/go-cmp v0.4.1/go.mod h1:v8dTdLbMG2kIc/vJvl+f65V22dbkXbowE6jgT/gNBxE=
+github.com/pmezard/go-difflib v1.0.0 h1:4DBwDE0NGyQoBHbLQYPwSUPoCMWR5BEzIk/f1lZbAQM=
+github.com/pmezard/go-difflib v1.0.0/go.mod h1:iKH77koFhYxTK1pcRnkKkqfTogsbg7gZNVY4sRDYZ/4=
+github.com/stretchr/objx v0.1.0/go.mod h1:HFkY916IF+rwdDfMAkV7OtwuqBVzrE8GR6GFx+wExME=
+github.com/stretchr/testify v1.4.0 h1:2E4SXV/wtOkTonXsotYi4li6zVWxYlZuYNCXe9XRJyk=
+github.com/stretchr/testify v1.4.0/go.mod h1:j7eGeouHqKxXV5pUuKE4zz7dFj8WfuZ+81PSLYec5m4=
+golang.org/x/crypto v0.0.0-20190308221718-c2843e01d9a2/go.mod h1:djNgcEr1/C05ACkg1iLfiJU5Ep61QUkGW8qpdssI0+w=
+golang.org/x/crypto v0.0.0-20200604202706-70a84ac30bf9 h1:vEg9joUBmeBcK9iSJftGNf3coIG4HqZElCPehJsfAYM=
+golang.org/x/crypto v0.0.0-20200604202706-70a84ac30bf9/go.mod h1:LzIPMQfyMNhhGPhUkYOs5KpL4U8rLKemX1yGLhDgUto=
+golang.org/x/net v0.0.0-20190404232315-eb5bcb51f2a3/go.mod h1:t9HGtf8HONx5eT2rtn7q6eTqICYqUVnKs3thJo3Qplg=
+golang.org/x/sys v0.0.0-20190215142949-d0b11bdaac8a/go.mod h1:STP8DvDyc/dI5b8T5hshtkjS+E42TnysNCUPdjciGhY=
+golang.org/x/sys v0.0.0-20190412213103-97732733099d h1:+R4KGOnez64A81RvjARKc4UT5/tI9ujCIVX+P5KiHuI=
+golang.org/x/sys v0.0.0-20190412213103-97732733099d/go.mod h1:h1NjWce9XRLGQEsW7wpKNCjG9DtNlClVuFLEZdDNbEs=
+golang.org/x/text v0.3.0/go.mod h1:NqM8EUOU14njkJ3fqMW+pc6Ldnwhi/IjpwHt7yyuwOQ=
+golang.org/x/xerrors v0.0.0-20191204190536-9bdfabe68543 h1:E7g+9GITq07hpfrRu66IVDexMakfv52eLZ2CXBWiKr4=
+golang.org/x/xerrors v0.0.0-20191204190536-9bdfabe68543/go.mod h1:I/5z698sn9Ka8TeJc9MKroUUfqBBauWjQqLJ2OPfmY0=
+gopkg.in/check.v1 v0.0.0-20161208181325-20d25e280405 h1:yhCVgyC4o1eVCa2tZl7eS0r+SDo693bJlVdllGtEeKM=
+gopkg.in/check.v1 v0.0.0-20161208181325-20d25e280405/go.mod h1:Co6ibVJAznAaIkqp8huTwlJQCZ016jof/cbN4VW5Yz0=
+gopkg.in/irc.v3 v3.1.3 h1:yeTiJ365882L8h4AnBKYfesD92y5R5ZhGiylu9DfcPY=
+gopkg.in/irc.v3 v3.1.3/go.mod h1:shO2gz8+PVeS+4E6GAny88Z0YVVQSxQghdrMVGQsR9s=
+gopkg.in/yaml.v2 v2.2.2/go.mod h1:hI93XBmqTisBFMUTm0b8Fm+jr3Dg1NNxqwp+5A1VGuI=
+gopkg.in/yaml.v2 v2.2.8 h1:obN1ZagJSUGI0Ek/LBmuj4SNLPfIny3KsKFopxRdj10=
+gopkg.in/yaml.v2 v2.2.8/go.mod h1:hI93XBmqTisBFMUTm0b8Fm+jr3Dg1NNxqwp+5A1VGuI=
diff --git a/fun/defer_rs/.gitignore b/fun/defer_rs/.gitignore
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..6aa106405a4b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/defer_rs/.gitignore
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+/target/
+**/*.rs.bk
+Cargo.lock
diff --git a/fun/defer_rs/Cargo.toml b/fun/defer_rs/Cargo.toml
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..0fcd60373ff7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/defer_rs/Cargo.toml
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+[package]
+name = "defer"
+version = "0.1.0"
+authors = ["Vincent Ambo <tazjin@gmail.com>"]
+
+[dependencies]
diff --git a/fun/defer_rs/README.md b/fun/defer_rs/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..160158d177b8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/defer_rs/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,53 @@
+defer in Rust
+=============
+
+After a Hacker News discussion about implementing Go's `defer` keyword in C++,
+I stumbled upon [this comment](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=15523589)
+and more specifically this response to it by "Occivink":
+
+> There's plenty of one-time cases where you don't want to declare an entire
+> class but still enjoy scope-based functions.
+
+Specificall the "don't want to declare an entire class" suggests that languages
+like C++ have high friction for explaining your desired invariant (cleanup is
+run when `$thing` is destroyed) to the compiler.
+
+It seems like most languages either hand-wave this away (*cough* Java *cough*)
+or use what seems like a workaround (`defer`).
+
+Rust has the so-called `Drop` trait, which is a typeclass that contains a single
+method with no return value that is run when a variable is dropped (i.e. goes out
+of scope).
+
+This works fine for most general cases - i.e. closing file handlers - but can
+get complicated if other use-cases of `defer` are considered:
+
+* returning an error-value by mutating a reference in the enclosing scope (oh boy)
+* deferring a decision about when/whether to run cleanup to the caller
+
+While thinking about how to do this with the `Drop` trait I realised that `defer`
+can actually be trivially implemented in Rust, using `Drop`.
+
+A simple implementation of `defer` can be seen in [defer.rs](examples/defer.rs),
+an implementation using shared mutable state for error returns is in the file
+[defer-with-error.rs](examples/defer-with-error.rs) and an implementation that
+allows cleanup to be *cancelled* (don't _actually_ do this, it leaks a pointer)
+is in [undefer.rs](examples/undefer.rs).
+
+Whether any of this is actually useful is not up to me to decide. I haven't
+actually had a real-life need for this.
+
+You can run the examples with `cargo run --example defer`, etc.
+
+## Notes
+
+* `Drop` is not guaranteed to run in case of panics or program aborts, if you
+  need support for that check out [scopeguard](https://github.com/bluss/scopeguard)
+* `undefer` could be implemented safely by, for example, carrying a boolean that
+  by default causes execution to happen but can be flipped to disable it
+
+## Further reading:
+
+* [The Pain Of Real Linear Types in Rust](https://gankro.github.io/blah/linear-rust/)
+* [Go's defer](https://tour.golang.org/flowcontrol/12)
+* [Rust's Drop](https://doc.rust-lang.org/std/ops/trait.Drop.html)
diff --git a/fun/defer_rs/examples/defer-with-error.rs b/fun/defer_rs/examples/defer-with-error.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..f8b8a014131f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/defer_rs/examples/defer-with-error.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,72 @@
+// Go's defer in Rust, with error value return.
+
+use std::rc::Rc;
+use std::sync::RwLock;
+
+struct Defer<F: Fn()> {
+    f: F,
+}
+
+impl<F: Fn()> Drop for Defer<F> {
+    fn drop(&mut self) {
+        (self.f)()
+    }
+}
+
+// Only added this for Go-syntax familiarity ;-)
+fn defer<F: Fn()>(f: F) -> Defer<F> {
+    Defer { f }
+}
+
+// Convenience type synonym. This is a reference-counted smart pointer to
+// a shareable, mutable variable.
+// Rust does not allow willy-nilly mutation of shared variables, so explicit
+// write-locking must be performed.
+type ErrorHandle<T> = Rc<RwLock<Option<T>>>;
+
+///////////////////
+// Usage example //
+///////////////////
+
+#[derive(Debug)] // Debug trait for some default way to print the type.
+enum Error {
+    DropError,
+}
+
+fn main() {
+    // Create a place to store the error.
+    let drop_err: ErrorHandle<Error> = Default::default(); // create empty error
+
+    // Introduce an arbitrary scope block (so that we still have control after
+    // the defer runs):
+    {
+        let mut i = 1;
+
+        // Rc types are safe to clone and share for multiple ownership.
+        let err_handle = drop_err.clone();
+
+        // Call defer and let the closure own the cloned handle to the error:
+        let token = defer(move || {
+            // do something!
+            println!("Value is: {}", i);
+
+            // ... oh no, it went wrong!
+            *err_handle.write().unwrap() = Some(Error::DropError);
+        });
+
+        i += 1;
+        println!("Value is: {}", i);
+
+        // token goes out of scope here - drop() is called.
+    }
+
+    match *drop_err.read().unwrap() {
+        Some(ref err) => println!("Oh no, an error occured: {:?}!", err),
+        None => println!("Phew, everything went well."),
+    };
+}
+
+// Prints:
+// Value is: 2
+// Value is: 1
+// Oh no, an error occured: DropError!
diff --git a/fun/defer_rs/examples/defer.rs b/fun/defer_rs/examples/defer.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..0c99d00c82df
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/defer_rs/examples/defer.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,31 @@
+// Go's defer in Rust!
+
+struct Defer<F: Fn()> {
+    f: F,
+}
+
+impl<F: Fn()> Drop for Defer<F> {
+    fn drop(&mut self) {
+        (self.f)()
+    }
+}
+
+// Only added this for Go-syntax familiarity ;-)
+fn defer<F: Fn()>(f: F) -> Defer<F> {
+    Defer { f }
+}
+
+fn main() {
+    let mut i = 1;
+
+    // Calling it "token" ... could be something else. The lifetime of this
+    // controls when the action is run.
+    let _token = defer(move || println!("Value is: {}", i));
+
+    i += 1;
+    println!("Value is: {}", i);
+}
+
+// Prints:
+// Value is: 2
+// Value is: 1
diff --git a/fun/defer_rs/examples/undefer.rs b/fun/defer_rs/examples/undefer.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..fa659de8910e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/defer_rs/examples/undefer.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
+// Go's defer in Rust, with a little twist!
+
+struct Defer<F: Fn()> {
+    f: F,
+}
+
+impl<F: Fn()> Drop for Defer<F> {
+    fn drop(&mut self) {
+        (self.f)()
+    }
+}
+
+// Only added this for Go-syntax familiarity ;-)
+fn defer<F: Fn()>(f: F) -> Defer<F> {
+    Defer { f }
+}
+
+// Changed your mind about the defer?
+// (Note: This leaks the closure! Don't actually do this!)
+fn undefer<F: Fn()>(token: Defer<F>) {
+    use std::mem;
+    mem::forget(token);
+}
+
+fn main() {
+    let mut i = 1;
+
+    // Calling it "token" ... could be something else. The lifetime of this
+    // controls when the action is run.
+    let token = defer(move || println!("Value is: {}", i));
+
+    i += 1;
+    println!("Value is: {}", i);
+
+    // Oh, now I changed my mind about the previous defer:
+    undefer(token);
+}
+
+// Prints:
+// Value is: 2
diff --git a/fun/elblog/.gitignore b/fun/elblog/.gitignore
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..c531d9867f6c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/elblog/.gitignore
@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+*.elc
diff --git a/fun/elblog/README.md b/fun/elblog/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..994b1138ef8f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/elblog/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+elblog
+======
+
+This is a simple blogging software written in Emacs Lisp.
+
+The idea is that it should be able to do most of the things [my actual blog][]
+does at the moment.
+
+No documentation exists for now besides the commit messages, but it works!
+
+[my actual blog]: https://www.tazj.in/
diff --git a/fun/elblog/blog.css b/fun/elblog/blog.css
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..0d021f78e89b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/elblog/blog.css
@@ -0,0 +1,37 @@
+<style type="text/css">
+body {
+    margin: 40px auto;
+    max-width: 800px;
+    line-height: 1.6;
+    font-size: 18px;
+    color: #383838;
+    padding: 0 10px
+}
+h1, h2, h3 {
+    line-height: 1.2
+}
+.footer {
+    text-align: right;
+}
+.lod {
+    text-align: center;
+}
+.unstyled-link {
+    color: inherit;
+    text-decoration: none;
+}
+.uncoloured-link {
+    color: inherit;
+}
+.date {
+    text-align: right;
+    font-style: italic;
+    float: right;
+}
+.inline {
+    display: inline;
+}
+.navigation {
+    text-align: center;
+}
+</style>
diff --git a/fun/elblog/blog.el b/fun/elblog/blog.el
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..102aa3791481
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/elblog/blog.el
@@ -0,0 +1,123 @@
+;;; blog.el --- A simple org-mode & elnode blog software.
+;;; -*- lexical-binding: t; -*-
+
+(require 'dash)
+(require 'elnode)
+(require 'f)
+(require 'ht)
+
+;; Definition of customization options
+
+(defgroup elblog nil
+  "Configuration for the Emacs Lisp blog software"
+  :link '(url-link "https://github.com/tazjin/elblog"))
+
+(defcustom elblog-port 8010
+  "Port to run elblog's HTTP server on"
+  :group 'elblog
+  :type 'integer)
+
+(defcustom elblog-host "localhost"
+  "Host for elblog's HTTP server to listen on"
+  :group 'elblog
+  :type 'string)
+
+(defcustom elblog-title "Elblog"
+  "Title text for this elblog instance"
+  :group 'elblog
+  :type 'string)
+
+(defcustom elblog-article-directory nil
+  "Directory in which elblog articles are stored"
+  :group 'elblog
+  :type 'string)
+
+(defcustom elblog-additional-routes '()
+  "Additional Elnode routes to register in the Elblog instance"
+  :group 'elblog
+  :type '(alist :key-type regexp :value-type function))
+
+;; Declare user-configurable variables needed at runtime.
+
+(defvar elblog-articles (ht-create)
+  "A hash-table of blog articles. This is used for looking up articles from
+   URL fragments as well as for rendering the index.")
+
+;; HTML templating setup
+
+(defun template-preamble ()
+  "Templates the preamble snippet with the correct blog title."
+  (format (f-read-text "preamble.html") elblog-title))
+
+(defun configure-org-html-export ()
+  "Configure org-mode settings for elblog's HTML templating to work correctly."
+  (setq org-html-postamble t)
+  (setq org-html-doctype "html5")
+  (setq org-html-head-include-scripts nil)
+  (setq org-html-style-default (f-read-text "blog.css"))
+  (setq org-html-preamble-format `(("en" ,(template-preamble))))
+  (setq org-html-postamble-format `(("en" ,(f-read-text "postamble.html")))))
+
+;; Article fetching & rendering functions
+
+(defun render-org-buffer (input-buffer &optional force)
+  "Renders an org-mode buffer as HTML and returns the name of the output buffer."
+  (letrec ((output-buffer (concat (buffer-name input-buffer) "-rendered"))
+           ;; Don't re-render articles unless forced.
+           (must-render (or force
+                            (not (get-buffer output-buffer)))))
+    (if (and input-buffer must-render)
+        (with-current-buffer input-buffer
+          (org-export-to-buffer 'html output-buffer nil nil t)))
+    (if input-buffer output-buffer nil)))
+
+(defun get-buffer-string (buffer)
+  "Returns the contents of the specified buffer as a string."
+  (with-current-buffer (get-buffer buffer)
+    (buffer-string)))
+
+(defvar-local article-not-found
+  '(404 . "<html><body><p>Oh no, the article was not found.</p></body></html>"))
+
+(defvar-local text-html '("Content-Type" . "text/html"))
+
+(defun render-article (article)
+  "Renders an article, if it exists."
+  (letrec ((rendered (-some->>
+                      (ht-get elblog-articles article)
+                      (concat elblog-article-directory)
+                      (find-file)
+                      (render-org-buffer))))
+    (if rendered `(200 . ,(get-buffer-string rendered))
+      article-not-found)))
+
+(defun blog-post-handler (httpcon)
+  "This handler servers a blog post from the configured blog post directory."
+  (let ((response (render-article (elnode-http-mapping httpcon 1))))
+    (elnode-http-start httpcon  (car response) text-html)
+    (elnode-http-return httpcon (cdr response))))
+
+;; Web server implementation
+
+(defvar elblog-routes
+  '(("^.*//\\(.*\\)" . blog-post-handler))
+  "The default routes available in elblog. They can be extended by the user
+by setting the elblog-additional-routes customize option.")
+
+(defun elblog-handler (httpcon)
+  (elnode-hostpath-dispatcher
+   httpcon
+   (-concat elblog-additional-routes elblog-routes)))
+
+(defun start-elblog ()
+  (interactive)
+  (configure-org-html-export)
+  (elnode-start 'elblog-handler
+              :port elblog-port
+              :host elblog-host))
+
+(defun stop-elblog ()
+  (interactive)
+  (elnode-stop elblog-port))
+
+(provide 'elblog)
diff --git a/fun/elblog/postamble.html b/fun/elblog/postamble.html
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..16a26218a0c0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/elblog/postamble.html
@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+<hr>
+<footer><p class="footer">Served with <a class="uncoloured-link" href="https://github.com/tazjin/elblog">Emacs</a>.</p>
+  <p class="footer">
+    <a class="uncoloured-link" href="https://twitter.com/tazjin">Twitter</a>
+    |
+    <a class="uncoloured-link" href="mailto:blog@tazj.in">Mail</a>
+  </p>
+  <p class="lod">ΰ² _ΰ² </p>
+</footer>
diff --git a/fun/elblog/preamble.html b/fun/elblog/preamble.html
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..be74b9207e72
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/elblog/preamble.html
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+<header>
+  <h1>
+    <a class="unstyled-link" href="/">%s</a>
+  </h1>
+  <hr>
+</header>
diff --git a/fun/gemma/CODE_OF_CONDUCT.md b/fun/gemma/CODE_OF_CONDUCT.md
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..c4013ac13ebc
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/gemma/CODE_OF_CONDUCT.md
@@ -0,0 +1,20 @@
+A SERMON ON ETHICS AND LOVE
+===========================
+
+One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice said **YES?**
+
+"O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord! Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burden from my heart!"
+
+**WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON'T SOUND WELL.**
+
+"I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain. Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe."
+
+**WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?**
+
+"But nobody Wants it! Everybody hates it."
+
+**OH. WELL, THEN *STOP*.**
+
+At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial and left The Polyfather stranded alone with his species.
+
+SINISTER DEXTER HAS A BROKEN SPIROMETER.
diff --git a/fun/gemma/LICENSE b/fun/gemma/LICENSE
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..94a9ed024d38
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/gemma/LICENSE
@@ -0,0 +1,674 @@
+                    GNU GENERAL PUBLIC LICENSE
+                       Version 3, 29 June 2007
+
+ Copyright (C) 2007 Free Software Foundation, Inc. <http://fsf.org/>
+ Everyone is permitted to copy and distribute verbatim copies
+ of this license document, but changing it is not allowed.
+
+                            Preamble
+
+  The GNU General Public License is a free, copyleft license for
+software and other kinds of works.
+
+  The licenses for most software and other practical works are designed
+to take away your freedom to share and change the works.  By contrast,
+the GNU General Public License is intended to guarantee your freedom to
+share and change all versions of a program--to make sure it remains free
+software for all its users.  We, the Free Software Foundation, use the
+GNU General Public License for most of our software; it applies also to
+any other work released this way by its authors.  You can apply it to
+your programs, too.
+
+  When we speak of free software, we are referring to freedom, not
+price.  Our General Public Licenses are designed to make sure that you
+have the freedom to distribute copies of free software (and charge for
+them if you wish), that you receive source code or can get it if you
+want it, that you can change the software or use pieces of it in new
+free programs, and that you know you can do these things.
+
+  To protect your rights, we need to prevent others from denying you
+these rights or asking you to surrender the rights.  Therefore, you have
+certain responsibilities if you distribute copies of the software, or if
+you modify it: responsibilities to respect the freedom of others.
+
+  For example, if you distribute copies of such a program, whether
+gratis or for a fee, you must pass on to the recipients the same
+freedoms that you received.  You must make sure that they, too, receive
+or can get the source code.  And you must show them these terms so they
+know their rights.
+
+  Developers that use the GNU GPL protect your rights with two steps:
+(1) assert copyright on the software, and (2) offer you this License
+giving you legal permission to copy, distribute and/or modify it.
+
+  For the developers' and authors' protection, the GPL clearly explains
+that there is no warranty for this free software.  For both users' and
+authors' sake, the GPL requires that modified versions be marked as
+changed, so that their problems will not be attributed erroneously to
+authors of previous versions.
+
+  Some devices are designed to deny users access to install or run
+modified versions of the software inside them, although the manufacturer
+can do so.  This is fundamentally incompatible with the aim of
+protecting users' freedom to change the software.  The systematic
+pattern of such abuse occurs in the area of products for individuals to
+use, which is precisely where it is most unacceptable.  Therefore, we
+have designed this version of the GPL to prohibit the practice for those
+products.  If such problems arise substantially in other domains, we
+stand ready to extend this provision to those domains in future versions
+of the GPL, as needed to protect the freedom of users.
+
+  Finally, every program is threatened constantly by software patents.
+States should not allow patents to restrict development and use of
+software on general-purpose computers, but in those that do, we wish to
+avoid the special danger that patents applied to a free program could
+make it effectively proprietary.  To prevent this, the GPL assures that
+patents cannot be used to render the program non-free.
+
+  The precise terms and conditions for copying, distribution and
+modification follow.
+
+                       TERMS AND CONDITIONS
+
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+
+  "This License" refers to version 3 of the GNU General Public License.
+
+  "Copyright" also means copyright-like laws that apply to other kinds of
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diff --git a/fun/gemma/README.md b/fun/gemma/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..064742c0091f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/gemma/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,96 @@
+# Gemma
+
+Gemma is a simple application to track *recurring* tasks, named after Gemma
+Hartley who [wrote an article][] about task distribution issues in households.
+
+## Background
+
+(Skip this if you just want the technical bits)
+
+Gemma's article launched a discussion in my friend circle about what causes an
+uneven distribution of household workload. I theorised that this is not so much
+a gender issue, but mostly a discoverability issue.
+
+Usually one person in a household is aware of what needs to be done, but in many
+cases the "overhead" of delegating the tasks would actually take more time than
+simply doing the task.
+
+I theorise further that the person (or people) who do a smaller share of the
+household work would often do the work if they had a convenient way to become
+aware of what needs to be done. Many times the "household manager" has the
+function of tracking non-obvious tasks like when bedsheets were last changed -
+shouldn't it be possible to actually distribute this information somehow?
+
+## The Project
+
+This project is an initial attempt at sketching out a little application that
+aids with reminding users of recurring tasks. Some basic ideas:
+
+* The system should be blame-free.
+* There should be as little usage overhead as possible so that people actually
+  do use it.
+* It should work mostly passively without much user interaction.
+
+I believe that the basic (*very* simple) idea behind Gemma solves these issues.
+Unfortunately my living situation changed before I actually got to test this out
+in a real-life situation involving multiple people, but feedback from other
+potential test subjects would be welcome! :)
+
+## Overview
+
+Gemma is a Common Lisp application in which a list of recurring tasks is
+declared, together with the *maximum interval* at which they should be completed
+(in days). Example:
+
+```lisp
+;; Bathroom tasks
+(deftask bathroom/wipe-mirror 7)
+(deftask bathroom/wipe-counter 7)
+
+;; Bedroom tasks
+(deftask bedroom/change-sheets 7)
+(deftask bedroom/vacuum 10)
+
+;; Kitchen tasks
+(deftask kitchen/trash 3)
+(deftask kitchen/wipe-counters 3)
+(deftask kitchen/vacuum 5 "Kitchen has more crumbs and such!")
+
+;; Entire place
+(deftask clean-windows 60)
+```
+
+These tasks are marked with their last completion time and tracked by Gemma. A
+simple Elm-based frontend application displays the tasks sorted by their
+"urgency" and features a button to mark a task as completed:
+
+![Gemma screenshot](http://i.imgur.com/n7FFMJH.png)
+
+Marking a task as completed resets its counter and moves it to the bottom of the
+task list.
+
+In theory this *should be it*, the frontend is made available to household
+members in some easily accessible place (e.g. an old phone glued to the fridge!)
+and people should attempt to develop a habit of checking what needs to be done
+occasionally.
+
+The "household manager" still exists as a role of the household because someone
+is entering the tasks into the application, but if my theory about people not
+actually being actively *unwilling* to do tasks is correct this could help a
+lot.
+
+## Usage
+
+(*Note*: Gemma is alpha software so the below is clearly not the final goal)
+
+Right now using this is non-trivial, but I'll eventually make a better
+distribution. Basically you need to know Common Lisp (in which case you'll know
+how to get the backend running) and have `elm-reactor` installed to run the
+development version of the frontend application.
+
+Gemma is configured via a configuration file that should be located either at
+`/etc/gemma/config.lisp` or at a custom location specified via the environment
+variable `GEMMA_CONFIG`. Have a look at the `config.lisp` file in the repository
+root for an example.
+
+[wrote an article]: http://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/
diff --git a/fun/gemma/config.lisp b/fun/gemma/config.lisp
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..54f8e5f34462
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/gemma/config.lisp
@@ -0,0 +1,21 @@
+;; Example configuration file for Gemma
+
+(config :port 4242
+        :data-dir "/tmp/gemma/")
+
+(deftask bathroom/wipe-mirror 7)
+(deftask bathroom/wipe-counter 7)
+
+;; Bedroom tasks
+(deftask bedroom/change-sheets 7)
+(deftask bedroom/vacuum 10)
+
+;; Kitchen tasks
+(deftask kitchen/normal-trash 3)
+(deftask kitchen/green-trash 5)
+(deftask kitchen/blue-trash 5)
+(deftask kitchen/wipe-counters 3)
+(deftask kitchen/vacuum 5 "Kitchen has more crumbs and such!")
+
+;; Entire place
+(deftask clean-windows 60)
diff --git a/fun/gemma/default.nix b/fun/gemma/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..339b86d26941
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/gemma/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,56 @@
+{ depot, ... }:
+
+let
+  inherit (depot.third_party.elmPackages_0_18) cacert iana-etc libredirect stdenv runCommand writeText elmPackages;
+
+  frontend = stdenv.mkDerivation {
+    name = "gemma-frontend.html";
+    src = ./frontend;
+    buildInputs = [ cacert iana-etc elmPackages.elm ];
+
+    # The individual Elm packages this requires are not packaged and I
+    # can't be bothered to do that now, so lets open the escape hatch:
+    outputHashAlgo = "sha256";
+    outputHash = "000xhds5bsig3kbi7dhgbv9h7myacf34bqvw7avvz7m5mwnqlqg7";
+
+    phases = [ "unpackPhase" "buildPhase" ];
+    buildPhase = ''
+      export NIX_REDIRECTS=/etc/protocols=${iana-etc}/etc/protocols \
+        LD_PRELOAD=${libredirect}/lib/libredirect.so
+
+      export SYSTEM_CERTIFICATE_PATH=${cacert}/etc/ssl/certs
+
+      mkdir .home && export HOME="$PWD/.home"
+      elm-make --yes Main.elm --output $out
+    '';
+  };
+
+  injectFrontend = writeText "gemma-frontend.lisp" ''
+    (in-package :gemma)
+    (setq *static-file-location* "${runCommand "frontend" {} ''
+      mkdir -p $out
+      cp ${frontend} $out/index.html
+    ''}/")
+  '';
+in
+depot.nix.buildLisp.program {
+  name = "gemma";
+
+  deps = with depot.third_party.lisp; [
+    cl-json
+    cl-prevalence
+    hunchentoot
+    local-time
+  ];
+
+  srcs = [
+    ./src/gemma.lisp
+    injectFrontend
+  ];
+
+  # depends on SBCL
+  brokenOn = [
+    "ccl"
+    "ecl"
+  ];
+}
diff --git a/fun/gemma/frontend/Main.elm b/fun/gemma/frontend/Main.elm
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..e449908e499c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/gemma/frontend/Main.elm
@@ -0,0 +1,221 @@
+-- Copyright (C) 2016-2017  Vincent Ambo <mail@tazj.in>
+--
+-- This file is part of Gemma.
+--
+-- Gemma is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify it
+-- under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
+-- the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or
+-- (at your option) any later version.
+
+
+module Main exposing (..)
+
+import Html exposing (Html, text, div, span)
+import Html.Attributes exposing (style)
+import Json.Decode exposing (..)
+import Http
+import Time
+
+
+--  Material design imports
+
+import Material
+import Material.Card as Card
+import Material.Color as Color
+import Material.Grid exposing (grid, cell, size, Device(..))
+import Material.Layout as Layout
+import Material.Scheme as Scheme
+import Material.Options as Options
+import Material.Elevation as Elevation
+import Material.Button as Button
+
+
+-- API interface to Gemma
+
+
+type alias Task =
+    { name : String
+    , description : Maybe String
+    , remaining : Int
+    }
+
+
+emptyStringFilter s =
+    if s == "" then
+        Nothing
+    else
+        Just s
+
+
+decodeEmptyString : Decoder (Maybe String)
+decodeEmptyString =
+    map emptyStringFilter string
+
+
+decodeTask : Decoder Task
+decodeTask =
+    map3 Task
+        (field "name" string)
+        (field "description" decodeEmptyString)
+        (field "remaining" int)
+
+
+loadTasks : Cmd Msg
+loadTasks =
+    let
+        request =
+            Http.get "/tasks" (list decodeTask)
+    in
+        Http.send NewTasks request
+
+
+completeTask : Task -> Cmd Msg
+completeTask task =
+    let
+        request =
+            Http.getString
+                (String.concat
+                    [ "/complete?task="
+                    , task.name
+                    ]
+                )
+    in
+        Http.send (\_ -> LoadTasks) request
+
+
+
+-- Elm architecture implementation
+
+
+type Msg
+    = None
+    | LoadTasks
+    | NewTasks (Result Http.Error (List Task))
+    | Mdl (Material.Msg Msg)
+    | Complete Task
+
+
+type alias Model =
+    { tasks : List Task
+    , error : Maybe String
+    , mdl : Material.Model
+    }
+
+
+update : Msg -> Model -> ( Model, Cmd Msg )
+update msg model =
+    case msg of
+        LoadTasks ->
+            ( model, loadTasks )
+
+        Complete task ->
+            ( model, completeTask task )
+
+        NewTasks (Ok tasks) ->
+            ( { model | tasks = tasks, error = Nothing }, Cmd.none )
+
+        NewTasks (Err err) ->
+            ( { model | error = Just (toString err) }, Cmd.none )
+
+        _ ->
+            ( model, Cmd.none )
+
+
+
+-- View implementation
+
+
+white =
+    Color.text Color.white
+
+
+taskColor : Task -> Color.Hue
+taskColor task =
+    if task.remaining > 2 then
+        Color.Green
+    else if task.remaining < 0 then
+        Color.Red
+    else
+        Color.Yellow
+
+
+within : Task -> String
+within task =
+    if task.remaining < 0 then
+        "This task is overdue!"
+    else if task.remaining > 2 then
+        String.concat
+            [ "Relax, this task has "
+            , toString task.remaining
+            , " days left before it is due."
+            ]
+    else
+        String.concat
+            [ "This task should be completed within "
+            , toString task.remaining
+            , " days. Consider doing it now!"
+            ]
+
+
+renderTask : Model -> Task -> Html Msg
+renderTask model task =
+    Card.view
+        [ Color.background (Color.color (taskColor task) Color.S800)
+        , Elevation.e3
+        ]
+        [ Card.title [] [ Card.head [ white ] [ text task.name ] ]
+        , Card.text [ white ]
+            [ text (Maybe.withDefault "" task.description)
+            , Html.br [] []
+            , text (within task)
+            ]
+        , Card.actions
+            [ Card.border ]
+            [ Button.render Mdl
+                [ 0 ]
+                model.mdl
+                [ white, Button.ripple, Button.accent, Options.onClick (Complete task) ]
+                [ text "Completed" ]
+            ]
+        ]
+
+
+gemmaView : Model -> Html Msg
+gemmaView model =
+    grid []
+        (List.map (\t -> cell [ size All 4 ] [ renderTask model t ])
+            model.tasks
+        )
+
+
+view : Model -> Html Msg
+view model =
+    gemmaView model |> Scheme.top
+
+
+
+-- subscriptions : Model -> Sub Msg
+
+
+subscriptions model =
+    Sub.batch
+        [ Material.subscriptions Mdl model
+        , Time.every (15 * Time.second) (\_ -> LoadTasks)
+        ]
+
+
+main : Program Never Model Msg
+main =
+    let
+        model =
+            { tasks = []
+            , error = Nothing
+            , mdl = Material.model
+            }
+    in
+        Html.program
+            { init = ( model, Cmd.batch [ loadTasks, Material.init Mdl ] )
+            , view = view
+            , update = update
+            , subscriptions = subscriptions
+            }
diff --git a/fun/gemma/frontend/elm-package.json b/fun/gemma/frontend/elm-package.json
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..2ae541ae0b95
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/gemma/frontend/elm-package.json
@@ -0,0 +1,17 @@
+{
+    "version": "1.0.0",
+    "summary": "helpful summary of your project, less than 80 characters",
+    "repository": "https://github.com/user/project.git",
+    "license": "BSD3",
+    "source-directories": [
+        "."
+    ],
+    "exposed-modules": [],
+    "dependencies": {
+        "elm-lang/core": "5.1.1 <= v < 6.0.0",
+        "elm-lang/html": "2.0.0 <= v < 3.0.0",
+        "elm-lang/http": "1.0.0 <= v < 2.0.0",
+        "debois/elm-mdl": "8.1.0 <= v < 9.0.0"
+    },
+    "elm-version": "0.18.0 <= v < 0.19.0"
+}
diff --git a/fun/gemma/src/gemma.lisp b/fun/gemma/src/gemma.lisp
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..20a76caae629
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/gemma/src/gemma.lisp
@@ -0,0 +1,192 @@
+;; Copyright (C) 2016-2020  Vincent Ambo <mail@tazj.in>
+;;
+;; This file is part of Gemma.
+;;
+;; Gemma is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify it
+;; under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
+;; the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or
+;; (at your option) any later version.
+
+(defpackage gemma
+  (:use :cl
+        :local-time
+        :cl-json)
+  (:import-from :sb-posix :getenv)
+  (:shadowing-import-from :sb-posix :getcwd)
+  (:export :start-gemma :config :main))
+(in-package :gemma)
+
+;; TODO: Store an average of how many days it was between task
+;; completions. Some of the current numbers are just guesses
+;; anyways.
+
+(defmacro in-case-of (x &body body)
+  "Evaluate BODY if X is non-nil, binding the value of X to IT."
+  `(let ((it ,x))
+     (when it ,@body)))
+
+;; Set default configuration parameters
+(defvar *gemma-port* 4242
+  "Port on which the Gemma web server listens.")
+
+(defvar *gemma-acceptor* nil
+  "Hunchentoot acceptor for Gemma's web server.")
+
+(defvar *static-file-location* "frontend/"
+  "Folder from which to serve static assets. If built inside of Nix,
+  the path is injected during the build.")
+
+(defvar *p-tasks* nil
+    "All tasks registered in this Gemma instance.")
+
+(defun initialise-persistence (data-dir)
+  (setq *p-tasks* (cl-prevalence:make-prevalence-system data-dir))
+
+  ;; Initialise database ID counter
+  (or (> (length (cl-prevalence:find-all-objects *p-tasks* 'task)) 0)
+      (cl-prevalence:tx-create-id-counter *p-tasks*)))
+
+(defun config (&key port data-dir)
+  "Configuration function for use in the Gemma configuration file."
+
+  (in-package :gemma)
+  (in-case-of port (defparameter *gemma-port* it))
+  (initialise-persistence (or data-dir "data/")))
+
+;;
+;; Define task management system
+;;
+
+(defclass task ()
+  ((id :reader id
+       :initarg :id)
+
+   ;; (Unique) name of the task
+   (name :type symbol
+         :initarg :name
+         :accessor name-of)
+
+   ;; Maximum completion interval
+   (days :type integer
+         :initarg :days
+         :accessor days-of)
+
+   ;; Optional description
+   (description :type string
+                :initarg :description
+                :accessor description-of)
+
+   ;; Last completion time
+   (done-at :type timestamp
+            :initarg :done-at
+            :accessor last-done-at)))
+
+(defmacro deftask (task-name days &optional description)
+  (unless (get-task task-name)
+    `(progn (cl-prevalence:tx-create-object
+             *p-tasks*
+             'task
+             (quote ((name ,task-name)
+                     (days ,days)
+                     (description ,(or description ""))
+                     (done-at ,(now)))))
+            (cl-prevalence:snapshot *p-tasks*))))
+
+(defun get-task (name)
+  (cl-prevalence:find-object-with-slot *p-tasks* 'task 'name name))
+
+(defun list-tasks ()
+  (cl-prevalence:find-all-objects *p-tasks* 'task))
+
+(defun days-remaining (task)
+  "Returns the number of days remaining before the supplied TASK reaches its
+maximum interval."
+  (let* ((expires-at (timestamp+ (last-done-at task)
+                                 (days-of task) :day))
+         (secs-until-expiry (timestamp-difference expires-at (now))))
+    (round (/ secs-until-expiry 60 60 24))))
+
+(defun sort-tasks (tasks)
+  "Sorts TASKS in descending order by number of days remaining."
+  (sort (copy-list tasks)
+        (lambda (t1 t2) (< (days-remaining t1)
+                           (days-remaining t2)))))
+
+(defun complete-task (name &optional at)
+  "Mark the task with NAME as completed, either now or AT specified time."
+  (cl-prevalence:tx-change-object-slots *p-tasks* 'task
+                                        (id (get-task name))
+                                        `((done-at ,(or at (now)))))
+  (cl-prevalence:snapshot *p-tasks*))
+
+;;
+;; Define web API
+;;
+
+(defun response-for (task)
+  "Create a response object to be JSON encoded for TASK."
+  `((:name . ,(name-of task))
+    (:description . ,(description-of task))
+    (:remaining . ,(days-remaining task))))
+
+(defun start-gemma ()
+  (in-package :gemma)
+
+  ;; Load configuration
+  (load (pathname (or (getenv "GEMMA_CONFIG")
+                      "/etc/gemma/config.lisp")))
+
+  ;; Set up web server
+  (setq *gemma-acceptor* (make-instance 'hunchentoot:easy-acceptor
+                                        :port *gemma-port*
+                                        :document-root *static-file-location*))
+  (hunchentoot:start *gemma-acceptor*)
+
+  ;; Task listing handler
+  (hunchentoot:define-easy-handler
+   (get-tasks :uri "/tasks") ()
+
+   (setf (hunchentoot:content-type*) "application/json")
+   (setf (hunchentoot:header-out "Access-Control-Allow-Origin") "*")
+   (encode-json-to-string
+    ;; Construct a frontend-friendly representation of the tasks.
+    (mapcar #'response-for (sort-tasks (list-tasks)))))
+
+  ;; Task completion handler
+  (hunchentoot:define-easy-handler
+   (complete-task-handler :uri "/complete") (task)
+   (setf (hunchentoot:content-type*) "application/json")
+   (let* ((key (find-symbol (camel-case-to-lisp task) "GEMMA")))
+     (format t "Marking task ~A as completed" key)
+     (complete-task key)
+     (encode-json-to-string (response-for (get-task key))))))
+
+(defun main ()
+  "This function serves as the entrypoint for ASDF-built executables.
+  It joins the Hunchentoot server thread to keep the process running
+  for as long as the server is alive."
+
+  (start-gemma)
+  (sb-thread:join-thread
+   (find-if (lambda (th)
+              (string= (sb-thread:thread-name th)
+                       (format nil "hunchentoot-listener-*:~A" *gemma-port*)))
+            (sb-thread:list-all-threads))))
+
+;; Experimentation / testing stuff
+
+(defun randomise-completion-times ()
+  "Set some random completion timestamps for all tasks"
+  (mapcar
+   (lambda (task)
+     (complete-task (name-of task)
+                    (timestamp- (now)
+                                (random 14)
+                                :day)))
+   (cl-prevalence:find-all-objects *p-tasks* 'task)))
+
+(defun clear-all-tasks ()
+  (mapcar (lambda (task) (cl-prevalence:tx-delete-object *p-tasks* 'task (id task)))
+          (cl-prevalence:find-all-objects *p-tasks* 'task)))
+
+;; (randomise-completion-times)
diff --git a/fun/idual/README.md b/fun/idual/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..922047617f25
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/idual/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,34 @@
+# iDual light control
+
+This folder contains some tooling for controlling iDual LED lights
+(which use infrared controls) using a "Broadlink RM Pro" infrared
+controller.
+
+The supported colour codes of the iDual remote are stored in
+`codes.txt`.
+
+The point of this is to make it possible for me to automate my lights
+in the morning, so that I can actually get out of bed.
+
+## Capturing codes
+
+Capturing codes is relatively easy, assuming that the broadlink device
+is set up:
+
+```python
+import broadlink
+import base64
+
+devices = broadlink.discover(timeout=5)
+devices[0].auth()
+```
+
+For each code, the procedure is as follows:
+
+```python
+devices[0].find_rf_packet()
+# wait until this returns True
+
+devices[0].check_data()
+# this will return the code
+```
diff --git a/fun/idual/default.nix b/fun/idual/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..1acf287bfbd7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/idual/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,25 @@
+{ depot, pkgs, lib, ... }:
+
+let
+  inherit (pkgs) python3 python3Packages;
+
+  opts = {
+    pname = "idualctl";
+    version = "0.1";
+    src = ./.;
+
+    propagatedBuildInputs = [
+      depot.third_party.python.broadlink
+    ];
+  };
+  package = python3Packages.buildPythonPackage opts;
+  script = python3Packages.buildPythonApplication opts;
+in
+depot.nix.readTree.drvTargets {
+  inherit script;
+  python = python3.withPackages (_: [ package ]);
+  setAlarm = pkgs.writeShellScriptBin "set-alarm" ''
+    echo "setting an alarm for ''${1}"
+    ${pkgs.systemd}/bin/systemd-run --user --on-calendar="''${1} Europe/London" --unit=light-alarm.service
+  '';
+}
diff --git a/fun/idual/idual/__init__.py b/fun/idual/idual/__init__.py
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..35c3bbae9039
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/idual/idual/__init__.py
@@ -0,0 +1,65 @@
+import base64
+import broadlink
+import time
+import sys
+
+commands = {
+    # system commands
+    'on'       : 'JgBIAAABK5AVERQ2FBEUERQSFBEUERQSFBEUNhQ2FDUUNhQ2FDYUNRU1FBIUERQRFBIUERQRFBIUERQ2FDYUNRQ2FDYUNhQ1FQANBQ==',
+    'off'      : 'JgBIAAABLJAUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDUVNRQ2FDYUNhQRFDYUERQSFBEUERQSFBEUNhQRFDYUNhQ2FDUUNhQ2FAANBQ==',
+    'darker'   : 'JgBIAAABLI8VERQ2FBEUERURFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDYUNRU1FDYUNhQRFBIUERQRFDYUEhQRFBEVNRQ2FDYUNhQRFDYUNhQ1FQANBQ==',
+    'brighter' : 'JgBIAAABLI8VERQ2FBEUERQSFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDUVNRQ2FDYUNRU1FBIUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBEUEhQ1FTUUEhQ1FTUUNhQ2FAANBQ==',
+
+    # presets
+    'candle'   : 'JgBQAAABKZISExI4EhMSFBITEhQRFBITEhQROBI4EjgSOBE4EjgSOBI4ERQSExIUEjgRFBITEhQSExI4EjgROBIUEjcSOBI4EgAFJgABKUkSAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'bulb'     : 'JgBYAAABK5AUERQ2FBEVERQRFBEVERQRFBEVNRQ2FDYUNRU1FDYUNhQRFDYUNRURFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQRFREUNhQ1FDYUNhQ2FAAFIwABKkgVAAxOAAErRxUADQU=',
+    'sun'      : 'JgBQAAABLI8VERQ2FBEUERURFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDYUNRU1FTUUNhQSFDUUEhQ2FBEUERURFBEUNhQSFDUUEhQ2FDUVNRQ2FAAFJQABK0cVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'cold'     : 'JgBQAAABK5AUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDYUNRQ2FDYUNhQ1FTUUEhQRFBEUEhQRFBIUERQRFDYUNhQ2FDYUNRQ2FAAFJAABK0cVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'eve_dark' : 'JgBQAAABK5AUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDYUNRU1FDYUNhQRFDYUERQSFDUUEhQRFBIUNRQSFDUUNhQSFDUUNhQ2FAAFIwABLEYVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'eve_fade' : 'JgBIAAABK5AUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDYUNRQ2FDYUNhQ1FDYUNhQRFDYUERQSFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQSEzYUNhQ2FAANBQ==',
+    'reading'  : 'JgBQAAABK5AUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDUVNRQ2FDYUNhQ1FDYUEhQ1FBIUERQRFBIUERQSFDUUEhQ1FTUUNhQ2FAAFJAABK0YVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'yoga'     : 'JgBYAAABLI8VERQ1FREUERQSFBEUERURFBEUNhQ1FTUUNhQ2FDYUNRURFBEUNhQRFBIUERMSExMTNxM2ExMTNxM2EzcTNxM3EwAFJQABKkgTAAxRAAErRxUADQU=',
+    'morning'  : 'JgBQAAABK5AUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDUVNRQ2FDYUNRU1FDYUERURFDUVERQRFBIUERQRFTUUNhQRFDYUNhQ2FAAFIwABK0cVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'colours'  : 'JgBQAAABLI8VERQ2FBEUERQSFBEUERURFBEUNhQ1FTUUNhQ2FDYUNRQSFBEUERQ2FDYUERQSFBEUNhQ1FTUUEhQRFDYUNRU1FAAFJAABKkcVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'random'   : 'JgBQAAABK5AUEhQ1FREUERQSFBEUERQSExIUNhQ1EzcTNxM3EzYTNxMTEhMTNxM2ExMTEhMSExMTNxM2ExMTEhM3EzcTNhM3EwAFJQABK0cVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'island'   : 'JgBQAAABK5AUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDUVNRQ2FDYUNRU1FBIUNRURFBEUEhQRFBEUEhQ1FREUNhQ1FDYUNhQ2FAAFIwABK0cVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'forest'   : 'JgBQAAABK5AUEhQ1FREUERQSFBEUERQSFBEUNhQ1FTUUNhQ2FDUVNRQSFBEUNhQRFDYUERQSFBEUNhQ2FBEUNhQRFDYUNhQ1FQAFIwABK0cVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'ocean'    : 'JgBQAAABK5AUEhQ1FREUERQSFBEUERQRFREUNhQ1FTUUNhQ2FDUVNRQ2FBEUEhQ1FTUUEhQRFBEUEhQ1FTUUEhQRFDYUNRU1FAAFJAABK0cVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'fire'     : 'JgBQAAABK5AUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBEUEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDUVNRQ2FDYUNRU1FBIUNRU1FBIUERQRFBIUERQ2FBEUEhQ1FTUUNhQ2FAAFIwABLEYVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+    'love'     : 'JgBQAAABL5AUEhQ1FREUERQSFBEUERQSFBEUNhQ1FDYUNhQ2FDUVNRQSFDUUNhQSFBEUERQSFBEUNhQRFBIUNRQ2FDYUNhQ1FAAFJAABK0cVAA0FAAAAAAAAAAA=',
+
+    # colour commands
+    'red'        : 'JgBIAAABK5AUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBEVERQRFBEUNhQ2FDYUNRU1FDYUNhQRFDYUNhQ1FREUERQSFBEUNhQRFBIUERQ2FDUVNRQ2FAANBQ==',
+    'yellow'     : 'JgBIAAABLI8UEhQ2FBEUERQSFBEUEhMSFBEUNhQ2FDUUNhQ2FDYUNRQ2FDYUNhQRFBIUERQRFBIUERQSExIUNhQ1FDYUNhQ2FAANBQ==',
+    'green'      : 'JgBIAAABK5AUEhQ1FREUERQSFBEUERQSFBEUNhQ1FDYUNhQ2FDUVNRQSFBEUERQ2FBIUERQRFBIUNRU1FDYUERQ2FDYUNhQ1FQANBQ==',
+    'blue'       : 'JgBIAAABK5AUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBITEhQRFBEUNhQ2FDYUNRQ2FDYUNhQ2ExIUNhQRFDYUERQSExIUERQ2FBEUNhQSEzYUNhQ2FAANBQ==',
+    'saturate'   : 'JgBIAAABK5AUERQ2FBEUEhQRFBIUERQRFBEUNhQ2FDYUNRU1FDYUNhQRFDYUERQ2FDYUERQSFBEUNhQRFDYUERQSFDUUNhQ2FAANBQ==',
+    'desaturate' : 'JgBIAAABLI8VERQ2FBEUERQSFBEUERURFBEUNhQ1FTUUNhQ2FDYUNRQ2FDYUNhQ1FREUERQSFBEUERQSFBEUERQ2FDYUNhQ1FQANBQ==',
+}
+
+def cmd(name):
+    return base64.b64decode(commands[name])
+
+class LightController:
+    def __init__(self):
+        self.devices = broadlink.discover(timeout=10, max_devices=2)
+        if self.devices == []:
+            raise Exception('no devices found')
+        for device in self.devices:
+            device.auth()
+
+    def send_cmd(self, name, iterations=5):
+        "Send a command, repeatedly for reliability"
+        packet = cmd(name)
+        for i in range(iterations):
+            for device in self.devices:
+                device.send_data(packet)
+
+    def wakey(self):
+        "Turn on the lights in the morning, try repeatedly for reasons."
+        print('Turning on the lights. Wakey, wakey!')
+        for i in range(5):
+            self.send_cmd('random')
+            time.sleep(0.3)
+            self.send_cmd('on')
+            time.sleep(0.3)
diff --git a/fun/idual/idualctl b/fun/idual/idualctl
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..10a85eba0af0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/idual/idualctl
@@ -0,0 +1,39 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env python
+
+import idual
+import sys
+
+def help():
+    print('Available commands:')
+    for cmd in idual.commands:
+        print('- ' + cmd)
+    sys.exit(0)
+
+def handle(ctrl, cmd):
+    if cmd == 'help':
+        help()
+    elif cmd == 'wakey':
+        ctrl.wakey()
+        sys.exit(0)
+    elif cmd == 'on':
+        print('Turning on the lights')
+        ctrl.send_cmd(cmd)
+    elif cmd == 'off':
+        print('Turning off the lights')
+        ctrl.send_cmd(cmd)
+    elif cmd in idual.commands:
+        print('Sending ' + cmd + '-command')
+        ctrl.send_cmd(cmd)
+    else:
+        print('unknown command \'' + cmd + '\'')
+        sys.exit(1)
+
+if __name__ == "__main__":
+    if len(sys.argv) == 1:
+        help()
+
+    print('Initialising light controller')
+    ctrl = idual.LightController()
+
+    for cmd in sys.argv[1:]:
+        handle(ctrl, cmd)
diff --git a/fun/idual/setup.py b/fun/idual/setup.py
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..f10c3b86f24e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/idual/setup.py
@@ -0,0 +1,15 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env python
+# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
+from setuptools import setup
+
+setup(
+    name='idualctl',
+    version='0.1',
+    author='Vincent Ambo',
+    author_email='mail@tazj.in',
+    url='https://git.tazj.in/about/fun/idual',
+    packages=['idual'],
+    scripts = ['idualctl'],
+    install_requires=['broadlink>=0.13.2'],
+    include_package_data=True,
+)
diff --git a/fun/owothia/.envrc b/fun/owothia/.envrc
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..051d09d292a8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/owothia/.envrc
@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+eval "$(lorri direnv)"
diff --git a/fun/owothia/.gitignore b/fun/owothia/.gitignore
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..8e850e7a0af2
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/owothia/.gitignore
@@ -0,0 +1,30 @@
+dist
+dist-*
+build/
+cabal-dev
+*.o
+*.hi
+*.hie
+*.chi
+*.chs.h
+*.dyn_o
+*.dyn_hi
+.hpc
+.hsenv
+.cabal-sandbox/
+cabal.sandbox.config
+*.prof
+*.aux
+*.hp
+*.eventlog
+.stack-work/
+cabal.project.local
+cabal.project.local~
+.HTF/
+.ghc.environment.*
+
+# from nix-build
+result
+
+# grr
+*_flymake.hs
diff --git a/fun/owothia/chatter.patch b/fun/owothia/chatter.patch
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..c2a6179bfbbf
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/owothia/chatter.patch
@@ -0,0 +1,19 @@
+diff --git a/src/NLP/POS/LiteralTagger.hs b/src/NLP/POS/LiteralTagger.hs
+index 913bee8..3c2f71d 100644
+--- a/src/NLP/POS/LiteralTagger.hs
++++ b/src/NLP/POS/LiteralTagger.hs
+@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
+-{-# LANGUAGE OverloadedStrings #-}
++{-# LANGUAGE OverloadedStrings, PackageImports #-}
+ module NLP.POS.LiteralTagger
+     ( tag
+     , tagSentence
+@@ -27,7 +27,7 @@ import NLP.FullStop (segment)
+ import NLP.Types ( tagUNK, Sentence, TaggedSentence(..), applyTags
+                  , Tag, POSTagger(..), CaseSensitive(..), tokens, showTok)
+ import Text.Regex.TDFA
+-import Text.Regex.TDFA.Text (compile)
++import "regex-tdfa" Text.Regex.TDFA.Text (compile)
+ 
+ taggerID :: ByteString
+ taggerID = pack "NLP.POS.LiteralTagger"
diff --git a/fun/owothia/default.nix b/fun/owothia/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..04f98e97fba1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/owothia/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
+{ depot ? (import ../../../. { })
+, pkgs ? depot.third_party.nixpkgs
+, ...
+}:
+
+let
+  basePkg = pkgs.haskellPackages.callPackage ./pkg.nix { };
+in
+
+pkgs.haskell.lib.overrideSrc basePkg {
+  src = depot.third_party.gitignoreSource ./.;
+  version = "canon";
+}
diff --git a/fun/owothia/hie.yaml b/fun/owothia/hie.yaml
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..16a6c1526259
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/owothia/hie.yaml
@@ -0,0 +1,4 @@
+cradle:
+  cabal:
+    - path: './app'
+      component: 'exe:owothia'
diff --git a/fun/owothia/owothia.cabal b/fun/owothia/owothia.cabal
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..ef5477ea1bf2
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/owothia/owothia.cabal
@@ -0,0 +1,53 @@
+cabal-version:       2.2
+name:                owothia
+version:             0.0.1.0
+
+executable owothia
+  main-is:             Main.hs
+  build-depends:       base
+                     , relude
+                     , irc-client
+                     , lens
+                     , chatter
+                     , containers
+                     , text
+                     , bytestring
+                     , random
+                     , envy
+
+  mixins:              base hiding (Prelude)
+                     , relude (Relude as Prelude)
+
+  hs-source-dirs:
+    src
+
+  default-extensions:
+    BlockArguments
+    ConstraintKinds
+    DataKinds
+    DeriveAnyClass
+    DeriveGeneric
+    DerivingStrategies
+    DerivingVia
+    FlexibleContexts
+    FlexibleInstances
+    FunctionalDependencies
+    GADTSyntax
+    GeneralizedNewtypeDeriving
+    KindSignatures
+    LambdaCase
+    MultiWayIf
+    NoStarIsType
+    OverloadedStrings
+    PolyKinds
+    RankNTypes
+    ScopedTypeVariables
+    TupleSections
+    TypeApplications
+    TypeFamilies
+    TypeOperators
+    ViewPatterns
+
+  ghc-options: -Wall -threaded -rtsopts -with-rtsopts=-N -O2
+
+  default-language:    Haskell2010
diff --git a/fun/owothia/pkg.nix b/fun/owothia/pkg.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..c812e5e11633
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/owothia/pkg.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,34 @@
+{ mkDerivation
+, base
+, bytestring
+, chatter
+, containers
+, envy
+, irc-client
+, lens
+, lib
+, random
+, relude
+, text
+}:
+mkDerivation {
+  pname = "owothia";
+  version = "0.0.1.0";
+  src = ./.;
+  isLibrary = false;
+  isExecutable = true;
+  executableHaskellDepends = [
+    base
+    bytestring
+    chatter
+    containers
+    envy
+    irc-client
+    lens
+    random
+    relude
+    text
+  ];
+  license = "unknown";
+  hydraPlatforms = lib.platforms.none;
+}
diff --git a/fun/owothia/regex-tdfa-text.patch b/fun/owothia/regex-tdfa-text.patch
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..6b2c34654382
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/owothia/regex-tdfa-text.patch
@@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
+diff --git a/Text/Regex/TDFA/Text.hs b/Text/Regex/TDFA/Text.hs
+index c4ef9db..9299272 100644
+--- a/Text/Regex/TDFA/Text.hs
++++ b/Text/Regex/TDFA/Text.hs
+@@ -38,13 +38,6 @@ import Text.Regex.TDFA.NewDFA.Uncons(Uncons(uncons))
+ import qualified Text.Regex.TDFA.NewDFA.Engine as Engine(execMatch)
+ import qualified Text.Regex.TDFA.NewDFA.Tester as Tester(matchTest)
+ 
+-instance Extract T.Text where
+-  before = T.take; after = T.drop; empty = T.empty
+-
+-instance Uncons T.Text where
+-  {- INLINE uncons #-}
+-  uncons = T.uncons
+-
+ instance RegexContext Regex T.Text T.Text where
+   match = polymatch
+   matchM = polymatchM
+diff --git a/Text/Regex/TDFA/Text/Lazy.hs b/Text/Regex/TDFA/Text/Lazy.hs
+index 73ca4a0..52958fb 100644
+--- a/Text/Regex/TDFA/Text/Lazy.hs
++++ b/Text/Regex/TDFA/Text/Lazy.hs
+@@ -38,17 +38,10 @@ import Text.Regex.TDFA.NewDFA.Uncons(Uncons(uncons))
+ import qualified Text.Regex.TDFA.NewDFA.Engine as Engine(execMatch)
+ import qualified Text.Regex.TDFA.NewDFA.Tester as Tester(matchTest)
+ 
+-instance Extract L.Text where
+-  before = L.take . toEnum; after = L.drop . toEnum; empty = L.empty
+-
+ instance RegexContext Regex L.Text L.Text where
+   match = polymatch
+   matchM = polymatchM
+ 
+-instance Uncons L.Text where
+-  {- INLINE uncons #-}
+-  uncons = L.uncons
+-
+ instance RegexMaker Regex CompOption ExecOption L.Text where
+   makeRegexOptsM c e source = makeRegexOptsM c e (L.unpack source)
+ 
diff --git a/fun/owothia/shell.nix b/fun/owothia/shell.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..0304581d9d4a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/owothia/shell.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,22 @@
+{ pkgs ? (import ../../../. { }).third_party, ... }:
+
+let
+  inherit (pkgs)
+    haskellPackages
+    haskell
+    gitignoreSource
+    ;
+in
+
+(haskellPackages.extend (haskell.lib.packageSourceOverrides {
+  owothia = gitignoreSource ./.;
+})).shellFor {
+  packages = p: [ p.owothia ];
+  withHoogle = true;
+  doBenchmark = true;
+  buildInputs = with haskellPackages; [
+    cabal-install
+    hlint
+    haskell-language-server
+  ];
+}
diff --git a/fun/owothia/src/Main.hs b/fun/owothia/src/Main.hs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..3bf5e51dba2f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/owothia/src/Main.hs
@@ -0,0 +1,168 @@
+{-# LANGUAGE TemplateHaskell #-}
+module Main where
+
+import           Network.IRC.Client
+import           Control.Lens
+import           NLP.POS
+import           NLP.Types (POSTagger)
+import qualified NLP.Types.Tags as Tags
+import           NLP.Types.Tree
+import qualified NLP.Corpora.Conll as Conll
+import           NLP.Corpora.Conll (Tag)
+import qualified Data.ByteString as BS
+import           System.Random
+import           System.Envy
+import           System.IO as S
+import           Data.Maybe
+import           Data.Foldable (traverse_)
+import qualified Data.Text
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
+
+data Config = Config
+  { _owoChance :: Int
+  , _ircServer :: ByteString
+  , _ircPort :: Int
+  , _ircServerPassword :: Maybe Text
+  , _nickservPassword :: Maybe Text
+  , _ircNick :: Maybe Text
+  , _ircIdent :: Maybe Text
+  , _ircChannels :: [Text]
+  }
+  deriving stock (Show, Eq, Generic)
+makeLenses ''Config
+
+instance Var [Text] where
+  toVar ts = show ts
+  fromVar s = readMaybe s >>= (pure . map Data.Text.pack)
+
+instance FromEnv Config where
+  fromEnv _ =
+    Config <$> env "OWO_CHANCE"
+       <*> env "IRC_SERVER"
+       <*> env "IRC_PORT"
+       <*> envMaybe "IRC_SERVER_PASSWORD"
+       <*> envMaybe "NICKSERV_PASSWORD"
+       <*> envMaybe "IRC_NICK"
+       <*> envMaybe "IRC_IDENT"
+       <*> env "IRC_CHANNELS"
+
+stopWord :: Text -> Bool
+stopWord "'s"   = True
+stopWord "\""   = True
+stopWord "is"   = True
+stopWord "are"  = True
+stopWord "am"   = True
+stopWord "were" = True
+stopWord "was"  = True
+stopWord "be"   = True
+stopWord _      = False
+
+pickVerb :: POS Tag -> Maybe Text
+pickVerb (POS Conll.VB (Token verb)) = Just verb
+pickVerb (POS Conll.VBD (Token verb)) = Just verb
+pickVerb (POS Conll.VBG (Token verb)) = Just verb
+pickVerb (POS Conll.VBN (Token verb)) = Just verb
+pickVerb (POS Conll.VBZ (Token verb)) = Just verb
+pickVerb _ = Nothing
+
+pickNoun :: POS Tag -> Maybe Text
+pickNoun (POS Conll.NN (Token noun)) = Just noun
+pickNoun _ = Nothing
+
+randomPOS
+  :: Tags.Tag tag
+  => (POS tag -> Maybe Text)
+  -> POSTagger tag
+  -> Text
+  -> IO (Maybe Text)
+randomPOS pickPOS tagger s = do
+  let candidates
+        = filter (not . stopWord)
+        . mapMaybe pickPOS
+        $ tag tagger s >>= \(TaggedSent ps) -> ps
+  i <- randomRIO (0, length candidates - 1)
+  pure $ candidates ^? ix i
+
+doOwo :: MonadIO m => Config -> m Bool
+doOwo conf = do
+  n <- liftIO (randomRIO @Int (0, conf ^. owoChance))
+  pure $ n == 0
+
+data OwoType = Noun | Verb
+  deriving stock (Show, Eq)
+
+instance Random OwoType where
+  random = over _1 (bool Noun Verb) . random
+  randomR = const random
+
+vowels :: [Char]
+vowels = "aeiou"
+
+article :: Text -> Text
+article (x :< _) | x `elem` vowels = "an"
+article _ = "a"
+
+owo :: OwoType -> Text -> Text
+owo Noun n = mconcat
+  [ "I'm "
+  , article n
+  , " "
+  , n
+  , if "o" `Data.Text.isSuffixOf` n
+    then "wo"
+    else " owo"
+  ]
+owo Verb v = v <> " me owo"
+
+pickOwo :: OwoType -> POS Tag -> Maybe Text
+pickOwo Verb = pickVerb
+pickOwo Noun = pickNoun
+
+randomOwo :: OwoType -> POSTagger Tag -> Text -> IO (Maybe Text)
+randomOwo = randomPOS . pickOwo
+
+owothiaHandler :: Config -> Text -> IORef Bool -> POSTagger Tag -> EventHandler s
+owothiaHandler conf nick state tagger = EventHandler Just $ \src ev -> do
+  hasIdentified <- readIORef state
+  when (not hasIdentified) $ do
+    nickservAuth
+    traverse_ (send . Join) (conf ^. ircChannels)
+    writeIORef state True
+
+  when ("You are now identified" `BS.isInfixOf` (ev ^. raw)) $
+    traverse_ (send . Join) (conf ^. ircChannels)
+
+  case (src, ev ^. message) of
+    (Channel chan nick, Privmsg _ (Right m)) -> do
+      willOwo <- doOwo conf
+      when willOwo $ owoMessage chan m
+    _ -> pure()
+
+  pure ()
+
+  where
+    owoMessage chan m = do
+      owoType <- liftIO randomIO
+      mWord <- liftIO $ randomOwo owoType tagger m
+      for_ mWord $ \word -> send $ Privmsg chan $ Right $ owo owoType word
+    nickservAuthMsg = "IDENTIFY " <> nick <> " " <> fromJust (conf ^. nickservPassword)
+    nickservAuth = send $ Privmsg "NickServ" $ Right nickservAuthMsg
+
+main :: IO ()
+main = do
+  conf <- either fail pure =<< decodeEnv
+  tagger <- defaultTagger
+  state <- newIORef $ not . isJust $ (conf ^. nickservPassword)
+  S.hSetBuffering stdout LineBuffering
+  let nick = fromMaybe "owothia" (conf ^. ircNick)
+      conn =
+        plainConnection (conf ^. ircServer) (conf ^. ircPort)
+          & realname .~ "Owothia RevstrΓΆwΓΆ"
+          & password .~ (conf ^. ircServerPassword)
+          & username .~ fromMaybe "owothia" (conf ^. ircIdent)
+          & logfunc .~ stdoutLogger
+      cfg =
+        defaultInstanceConfig nick
+          & channels .~ (conf ^. ircChannels)
+          & handlers %~ (owothiaHandler conf nick state tagger : )
+  runClient conn cfg ()
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/.gitignore b/fun/paroxysm/.gitignore
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..8cb01f2e3d35
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/.gitignore
@@ -0,0 +1,5 @@
+/target
+irc.toml
+paroxysm-irc.toml
+paroxysm.toml
+**/*.rs.bk
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/Cargo.lock b/fun/paroxysm/Cargo.lock
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..2340612c2eb2
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/Cargo.lock
@@ -0,0 +1,1733 @@
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+ "windows_aarch64_msvc",
+ "windows_i686_gnu",
+ "windows_i686_msvc",
+ "windows_x86_64_gnu",
+ "windows_x86_64_msvc",
+]
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+dependencies = [
+ "winapi 0.2.8",
+ "winapi-build",
+]
+
+[[package]]
+name = "yaml-rust"
+version = "0.4.5"
+source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
+checksum = "56c1936c4cc7a1c9ab21a1ebb602eb942ba868cbd44a99cb7cdc5892335e1c85"
+dependencies = [
+ "linked-hash-map 0.5.6",
+]
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/Cargo.toml b/fun/paroxysm/Cargo.toml
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..4d282285fd97
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/Cargo.toml
@@ -0,0 +1,22 @@
+[package]
+authors = ["eeeeeta <eta@theta.eu.org>"]
+edition = "2018"
+name = "paroxysm"
+version = "0.1.0"
+
+[dependencies]
+chrono = "0.4"
+config = "0.9"
+crimp = "0.2"
+env_logger = "0.7"
+failure = "0.1"
+irc = "0.13"
+lazy_static = "1.4"
+log = "0.4"
+rand = "0.7"
+regex = "1.3"
+serde = { version = "1.0", features = [ "derive" ] }
+
+[dependencies.diesel]
+features = [ "postgres", "chrono", "r2d2" ]
+version = "1.4"
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/OWNERS b/fun/paroxysm/OWNERS
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..1120d0dcc8db
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/OWNERS
@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+eta
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/README.md b/fun/paroxysm/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..a595530982da
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,19 @@
+paroxysm
+========
+
+`paroxysm` is a bot for [internet relay chat
+(IRC)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_Relay_Chat) that lets you store
+small pieces of information, called *factoids*, and retrieve them later. It's
+useful for organising frequently-used information to avoid repeating oneself in
+a busy chatroom, as well as making little todo lists or notes to self in a
+private chatroom.
+
+It was directly inspired by the
+[LearnDB](https://github.com/crawl/sequell/blob/master/docs/learndb.md)
+functionality offered in `##crawl` on chat.freenode.net, and uses similar
+syntax.
+
+## Usage instructions
+
+Will come soon; the project is very much still in beta, and is subject to
+change.
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/default.nix b/fun/paroxysm/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..1aeaeb9912eb
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+{ depot, pkgs, ... }:
+
+depot.third_party.naersk.buildPackage {
+  name = "paroxysm";
+  version = "0.0.2";
+  src = ./.;
+
+  buildInputs = with pkgs; [
+    openssl
+    pkg-config
+    postgresql.lib
+    curl
+  ];
+}
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/docker/default.nix b/fun/paroxysm/docker/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..cb5b2758ec63
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/docker/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+{ depot, pkgs, ... }:
+
+pkgs.dockerTools.buildLayeredImage {
+  name = "paroxysm";
+  contents = [ depot.fun.paroxysm ];
+  config.Entrypoint = [ "${depot.fun.paroxysm}/bin/paroxysm" ];
+}
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181209140247_initial/down.sql b/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181209140247_initial/down.sql
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..aa02f4f63f92
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181209140247_initial/down.sql
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+DROP TABLE entries;
+DROP TABLE keywords;
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181209140247_initial/up.sql b/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181209140247_initial/up.sql
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..e8b52d5a9b91
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181209140247_initial/up.sql
@@ -0,0 +1,15 @@
+CREATE TABLE keywords (
+	id SERIAL PRIMARY KEY,
+	name VARCHAR UNIQUE NOT NULL,
+	chan VARCHAR NOT NULL,
+	UNIQUE(name, chan)
+);
+
+CREATE TABLE entries (
+	id SERIAL PRIMARY KEY,
+	keyword_id INT NOT NULL REFERENCES keywords ON DELETE CASCADE,
+	idx INT NOT NULL,
+	text VARCHAR NOT NULL,
+	creation_ts TIMESTAMP NOT NULL,
+	created_by VARCHAR NOT NULL
+);
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181218142013_fix_unique/down.sql b/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181218142013_fix_unique/down.sql
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..291a97c5ce1f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181218142013_fix_unique/down.sql
@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+-- This file should undo anything in `up.sql`
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181218142013_fix_unique/up.sql b/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181218142013_fix_unique/up.sql
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..4885ae5edefe
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/migrations/20181218142013_fix_unique/up.sql
@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+ALTER TABLE keywords DROP CONSTRAINT IF EXISTS keywords_name_key;
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/src/cfg.rs b/fun/paroxysm/src/cfg.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..cfb2e2073e27
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/src/cfg.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
+use serde::Deserialize;
+use std::collections::HashSet;
+
+#[derive(Deserialize)]
+pub struct Config {
+    pub database_url: String,
+    pub irc_config_path: String,
+    #[serde(default)]
+    pub admins: HashSet<String>,
+    #[serde(default)]
+    pub log_filter: Option<String>,
+}
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/src/keyword.rs b/fun/paroxysm/src/keyword.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..fa40f5347a75
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/src/keyword.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,219 @@
+use crate::models::{Entry, Keyword, NewEntry, NewKeyword};
+use diesel::pg::PgConnection;
+use diesel::prelude::*;
+use failure::{format_err, Error};
+use std::borrow::Cow;
+
+/// Maximum number of times we'll follow a `see: ` pointer.
+const RECURSION_LIMIT: usize = 5;
+
+pub struct KeywordDetails {
+    pub keyword: Keyword,
+    pub entries: Vec<Entry>,
+}
+
+impl KeywordDetails {
+    pub fn learn(&mut self, nick: &str, text: &str, dbc: &PgConnection) -> Result<usize, Error> {
+        let now = ::chrono::Utc::now().naive_utc();
+        let ins = NewEntry {
+            keyword_id: self.keyword.id,
+            idx: (self.entries.len() + 1) as _,
+            text,
+            creation_ts: now,
+            created_by: nick,
+        };
+        let new = {
+            use crate::schema::entries;
+            ::diesel::insert_into(entries::table)
+                .values(ins)
+                .get_result(dbc)?
+        };
+        self.entries.push(new);
+        Ok(self.entries.len())
+    }
+
+    pub fn process_moves(&mut self, moves: &[(i32, i32)], dbc: &PgConnection) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        for (oid, new_idx) in moves {
+            {
+                use crate::schema::entries::dsl::*;
+                ::diesel::update(entries.filter(id.eq(oid)))
+                    .set(idx.eq(new_idx))
+                    .execute(dbc)?;
+            }
+        }
+        self.entries = Self::get_entries(self.keyword.id, dbc)?;
+        Ok(())
+    }
+
+    pub fn swap(&mut self, idx_a: usize, idx_b: usize, dbc: &PgConnection) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        let mut moves = vec![];
+        for ent in self.entries.iter() {
+            if ent.idx == idx_a as i32 {
+                moves.push((ent.id, idx_b as i32));
+            }
+            if ent.idx == idx_b as i32 {
+                moves.push((ent.id, idx_a as i32));
+            }
+        }
+        if moves.len() != 2 {
+            Err(format_err!("Invalid swap operation."))?;
+        }
+        self.process_moves(&moves, dbc)?;
+        Ok(())
+    }
+
+    pub fn update(&mut self, idx: usize, val: &str, dbc: &PgConnection) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        let ent = self
+            .entries
+            .get_mut(idx.saturating_sub(1))
+            .ok_or(format_err!("No such element to update."))?;
+        {
+            use crate::schema::entries::dsl::*;
+            ::diesel::update(entries.filter(id.eq(ent.id)))
+                .set(text.eq(val))
+                .execute(dbc)?;
+        }
+        ent.text = val.to_string();
+        Ok(())
+    }
+
+    pub fn delete(&mut self, idx: usize, dbc: &PgConnection) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        // step 1: delete the element
+        {
+            let ent = self
+                .entries
+                .get(idx.saturating_sub(1))
+                .ok_or(format_err!("No such element to delete."))?;
+            {
+                use crate::schema::entries::dsl::*;
+                ::diesel::delete(entries.filter(id.eq(ent.id))).execute(dbc)?;
+            }
+        }
+        // step 2: move all the elements in front of it back one
+        let mut moves = vec![];
+        for ent in self.entries.iter() {
+            if idx > ent.idx as _ {
+                moves.push((ent.id, ent.idx.saturating_sub(1)));
+            }
+        }
+        self.process_moves(&moves, dbc)?;
+        Ok(())
+    }
+
+    pub fn add_zwsp_to_name(name: &str) -> Option<String> {
+        let second_index = name.char_indices().nth(1).map(|(i, _)| i)?;
+        let (start, end) = name.split_at(second_index);
+        Some(format!("{}​{}", start, end))
+    }
+
+    pub fn format_entry(&self, idx: usize) -> Option<String> {
+        self.format_entry_colours(idx, true)
+    }
+
+    pub fn format_entry_colours(&self, idx: usize, with_colours: bool) -> Option<String> {
+        if let Some(ent) = self.entries.get(idx.saturating_sub(1)) {
+            let gen_clr = if self.keyword.chan == "*" && with_colours {
+                "\x0307"
+            } else {
+                ""
+            };
+            let zwsp_name = Self::add_zwsp_to_name(&self.keyword.name)
+                .unwrap_or_else(|| self.keyword.name.clone());
+            Some(format!(
+                "{}{}{name}{}[{idx}/{total}]{}: {text} {}[{date}]{}",
+                if with_colours { "\x02" } else { "" },
+                gen_clr,
+                if with_colours { "\x0f\x0315" } else { "" },
+                if with_colours { "\x0f" } else { "" },
+                if with_colours { "\x0f\x0314" } else { "" },
+                if with_colours { "\x0f" } else { "" },
+                name = zwsp_name,
+                idx = idx,
+                total = self.entries.len(),
+                text = ent.text,
+                date = ent.creation_ts.date()
+            ))
+        } else {
+            None
+        }
+    }
+
+    pub fn get_or_create(word: &str, c: &str, dbc: &PgConnection) -> Result<Self, Error> {
+        if let Some(ret) = Self::get(word, c, dbc)? {
+            Ok(ret)
+        } else {
+            Ok(Self::create(word, c, dbc)?)
+        }
+    }
+
+    pub fn create(word: &str, c: &str, dbc: &PgConnection) -> Result<Self, Error> {
+        let val = NewKeyword {
+            name: word,
+            chan: c,
+        };
+        let ret: Keyword = {
+            use crate::schema::keywords;
+            ::diesel::insert_into(keywords::table)
+                .values(val)
+                .get_result(dbc)?
+        };
+        Ok(KeywordDetails {
+            keyword: ret,
+            entries: vec![],
+        })
+    }
+
+    fn get_entries(kid: i32, dbc: &PgConnection) -> Result<Vec<Entry>, Error> {
+        let entries: Vec<Entry> = {
+            use crate::schema::entries::dsl::*;
+            entries
+                .filter(keyword_id.eq(kid))
+                .order_by(idx.asc())
+                .load(dbc)?
+        };
+        Ok(entries)
+    }
+
+    fn get_inner<'a, T: Into<Cow<'a, str>>>(
+        word: T,
+        c: &str,
+        dbc: &PgConnection,
+        recursion_count: usize,
+    ) -> Result<Option<Self>, Error> {
+        let word = word.into();
+        let keyword: Option<Keyword> = {
+            use crate::schema::keywords::dsl::*;
+            keywords
+                .filter(name.ilike(word).and(chan.eq(c).or(chan.eq("*"))))
+                .first(dbc)
+                .optional()?
+        };
+        if let Some(k) = keyword {
+            let entries = Self::get_entries(k.id, dbc)?;
+            if let Some(e0) = entries.get(0) {
+                if e0.text.starts_with("see: ") {
+                    if recursion_count > RECURSION_LIMIT {
+                        // Oh dear.
+                        Err(format_err!("Halt. You're having a bit too much fun."))?
+                    }
+                    let new_word = e0.text.replace("see: ", "");
+                    return Self::get_inner(new_word, c, dbc, recursion_count + 1);
+                }
+            }
+            Ok(Some(KeywordDetails {
+                keyword: k,
+                entries,
+            }))
+        } else {
+            Ok(None)
+        }
+    }
+
+    pub fn get<'a, T: Into<Cow<'a, str>>>(
+        word: T,
+        c: &str,
+        dbc: &PgConnection,
+    ) -> Result<Option<Self>, Error> {
+        Self::get_inner(word, c, dbc, 0)
+    }
+}
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/src/main.rs b/fun/paroxysm/src/main.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..46a215c22563
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/src/main.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,395 @@
+// TODO(tazjin): Upgrade to a Diesel version with public derive
+// macros.
+#[macro_use]
+extern crate diesel;
+
+use crate::cfg::Config;
+use crate::keyword::KeywordDetails;
+use diesel::pg::PgConnection;
+use diesel::r2d2::{ConnectionManager, Pool};
+use failure::{format_err, Error};
+use irc::client::prelude::*;
+use lazy_static::lazy_static;
+use log::{debug, info, warn};
+use rand::rngs::ThreadRng;
+use rand::{thread_rng, Rng};
+use regex::{Captures, Regex};
+use std::collections::HashMap;
+use std::fmt::Display;
+
+mod cfg;
+mod keyword;
+mod models;
+mod schema;
+
+lazy_static! {
+    static ref LEARN_RE: Regex =
+        Regex::new(r#"^\?\?(?P<gen>!)?\s*(?P<subj>[^\[:]*):\s*(?P<val>.*)"#).unwrap();
+    static ref QUERY_RE: Regex =
+        Regex::new(r#"^\?\?\s*(?P<subj>[^\[:]*)(?P<idx>\[[^\]]+\])?"#).unwrap();
+    static ref QLAST_RE: Regex = Regex::new(r#"^\?\?\s*(?P<subj>[^\[:]*)!"#).unwrap();
+    static ref INCREMENT_RE: Regex =
+        Regex::new(r#"^\?\?(?P<gen>!)?\s*(?P<subj>[^\[:]*)(?P<incrdecr>\+\+|\-\-)"#).unwrap();
+    static ref MOVE_RE: Regex =
+        Regex::new(r#"^\?\?(?P<gen>!)?\s*(?P<subj>[^\[:]*)(?P<idx>\[[^\]]+\])->(?P<new_idx>.*)"#)
+            .unwrap();
+}
+
+pub struct App {
+    client: IrcClient,
+    pg: Pool<ConnectionManager<PgConnection>>,
+    rng: ThreadRng,
+    cfg: Config,
+    last_msgs: HashMap<String, HashMap<String, String>>,
+}
+
+impl App {
+    pub fn report_error<T: Display>(
+        &mut self,
+        nick: &str,
+        chan: &str,
+        msg: T,
+    ) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        self.client
+            .send_notice(nick, format!("[{}] \x0304Error:\x0f {}", chan, msg))?;
+        Ok(())
+    }
+
+    pub fn keyword_from_captures(
+        &mut self,
+        learn: &::regex::Captures,
+        nick: &str,
+        chan: &str,
+    ) -> Result<KeywordDetails, Error> {
+        let db = self.pg.get()?;
+        debug!("Fetching keyword for captures: {:?}", learn);
+        let subj = &learn["subj"];
+        let learn_chan = if learn.name("gen").is_some() {
+            "*"
+        } else {
+            chan
+        };
+        if !chan.starts_with("#") && learn_chan != "*" {
+            Err(format_err!("Only general entries may be taught via PM."))?;
+        }
+        debug!("Fetching keyword '{}' for chan {}", subj, learn_chan);
+        let kwd = KeywordDetails::get_or_create(subj, learn_chan, &db)?;
+        if kwd.keyword.chan == "*" && !self.cfg.admins.contains(nick) {
+            Err(format_err!(
+                "Only administrators can create or modify general entries."
+            ))?;
+        }
+        Ok(kwd)
+    }
+
+    pub fn handle_move(
+        &mut self,
+        target: &str,
+        nick: &str,
+        chan: &str,
+        mv: Captures,
+    ) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        let db = self.pg.get()?;
+        let idx = &mv["idx"];
+        let idx = match idx[1..(idx.len() - 1)].parse::<usize>() {
+            Ok(i) => i,
+            Err(e) => Err(format_err!("Could not parse index: {}", e))?,
+        };
+        let new_idx = match mv["new_idx"].parse::<i32>() {
+            Ok(i) => i,
+            Err(e) => Err(format_err!("Could not parse target index: {}", e))?,
+        };
+        let mut kwd = self.keyword_from_captures(&mv, nick, chan)?;
+        if new_idx < 0 {
+            kwd.delete(idx, &db)?;
+            self.client.send_notice(
+                target,
+                format!("\x02{}\x0f: Deleted entry {}.", kwd.keyword.name, idx),
+            )?;
+        } else {
+            kwd.swap(idx, new_idx as _, &db)?;
+            self.client.send_notice(
+                target,
+                format!(
+                    "\x02{}\x0f: Swapped entries {} and {}.",
+                    kwd.keyword.name, idx, new_idx
+                ),
+            )?;
+        }
+        Ok(())
+    }
+
+    pub fn handle_learn(
+        &mut self,
+        target: &str,
+        nick: &str,
+        chan: &str,
+        learn: Captures,
+    ) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        let db = self.pg.get()?;
+        let val = &learn["val"];
+        let mut kwd = self.keyword_from_captures(&learn, nick, chan)?;
+        let idx = kwd.learn(nick, val, &db)?;
+        self.client
+            .send_notice(target, kwd.format_entry(idx).unwrap())?;
+        Ok(())
+    }
+
+    pub fn handle_insert_last_quote(
+        &mut self,
+        target: &str,
+        nick: &str,
+        chan: &str,
+        qlast: Captures,
+    ) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        let db = self.pg.get()?;
+        let nick_to_grab = &qlast["subj"].to_ascii_lowercase();
+        let mut kwd = self.keyword_from_captures(&qlast, nick, chan)?;
+        let chan_lastmsgs = self
+            .last_msgs
+            .entry(chan.to_string())
+            .or_insert(HashMap::new());
+        // Use `nick` here, so things like "grfn: see glittershark" work.
+        let val = if let Some(last) = chan_lastmsgs.get(nick_to_grab) {
+            if last.starts_with("\x01ACTION ") {
+                // Yes, this is inefficient, but it's better than writing some hacky CTCP parsing
+                // code I guess (also, characters are hard, so just blindly slicing
+                // seems like a bad idea)
+                format!(
+                    "* {} {}",
+                    nick_to_grab,
+                    last.replace("\x01ACTION ", "").replace("\x01", "")
+                )
+            } else {
+                format!("<{}> {}", nick_to_grab, last)
+            }
+        } else {
+            Err(format_err!("I dunno what {} said...", kwd.keyword.name))?
+        };
+        let idx = kwd.learn(nick, &val, &db)?;
+        self.client
+            .send_notice(target, kwd.format_entry(idx).unwrap())?;
+        Ok(())
+    }
+
+    pub fn handle_increment(
+        &mut self,
+        target: &str,
+        nick: &str,
+        chan: &str,
+        icr: Captures,
+    ) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        let db = self.pg.get()?;
+        let mut kwd = self.keyword_from_captures(&icr, nick, chan)?;
+        let is_incr = &icr["incrdecr"] == "++";
+        let now = chrono::Utc::now().naive_utc().date();
+        let mut idx = None;
+        for (i, ent) in kwd.entries.iter().enumerate() {
+            if ent.creation_ts.date() == now {
+                if let Ok(val) = ent.text.parse::<i32>() {
+                    let val = if is_incr { val + 1 } else { val - 1 };
+                    idx = Some((i + 1, val));
+                }
+            }
+        }
+        if let Some((i, val)) = idx {
+            kwd.update(i, &val.to_string(), &db)?;
+            self.client
+                .send_notice(target, kwd.format_entry(i).unwrap())?;
+        } else {
+            let val = if is_incr { 1 } else { -1 };
+            let idx = kwd.learn(nick, &val.to_string(), &db)?;
+            self.client
+                .send_notice(target, kwd.format_entry(idx).unwrap())?;
+        }
+        Ok(())
+    }
+
+    pub fn handle_query(
+        &mut self,
+        target: &str,
+        _nick: &str,
+        chan: &str,
+        query: Captures,
+    ) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        let db = self.pg.get()?;
+        let subj = &query["subj"];
+        let idx = match query.name("idx") {
+            Some(i) => {
+                let i = i.as_str();
+                match &i[1..(i.len() - 1)] {
+                    "*" => Some(-1),
+                    x => x.parse::<usize>().map(|x| x as i32).ok(),
+                }
+            }
+            None => None,
+        };
+        debug!("Querying {} with idx {:?}", subj, idx);
+        match KeywordDetails::get(subj, chan, &db)? {
+            Some(kwd) => {
+                if let Some(mut idx) = idx {
+                    if idx == -1 {
+                        // 'get all entries' ('*' parses into this)
+                        // step 1: make a blob of all the quotes
+                        let mut data_to_upload = String::new();
+                        for i in 0..kwd.entries.len() {
+                            data_to_upload
+                                .push_str(&kwd.format_entry_colours(i + 1, false).unwrap());
+                            data_to_upload.push('\n');
+                        }
+                        // step 2: attempt to POST it to eta's pastebin
+                        // TODO(eta): make configurable
+                        let response = crimp::Request::put("https://eta.st/lx/upload")
+                            .user_agent("paroxysm/0.0.2 crimp/0.2")?
+                            .header("Linx-Expiry", "7200")? // 2 hours
+                            .body("text/plain", data_to_upload.as_bytes())
+                            .timeout(std::time::Duration::from_secs(2))?
+                            .send()?
+                            .as_string()?;
+                        // step 3: tell the world about it
+                        if response.status != 200 {
+                            Err(format_err!(
+                                "upload returned {}: {}",
+                                response.status,
+                                response.body
+                            ))?
+                        }
+                        self.client.send_notice(
+                            target,
+                            format!(
+                                "\x02{}\x0f: uploaded {} quotes to \x02\x0311{}\x0f (will expire in \x0224\x0f hours)",
+                                subj,
+                                kwd.entries.len(),
+                                response.body
+                            )
+                        )?;
+                    } else {
+                        if idx == 0 {
+                            idx = 1;
+                        }
+                        if let Some(ent) = kwd.format_entry(idx as _) {
+                            self.client.send_notice(target, ent)?;
+                        } else {
+                            let pluralised = if kwd.entries.len() == 1 {
+                                "entry"
+                            } else {
+                                "entries"
+                            };
+                            self.client.send_notice(
+                                target,
+                                format!(
+                                    "\x02{}\x0f: only has \x02\x0304{}\x0f {}",
+                                    subj,
+                                    kwd.entries.len(),
+                                    pluralised
+                                ),
+                            )?;
+                        }
+                    }
+                } else {
+                    let entry = if kwd.entries.len() < 2 {
+                        1 // because [1, 1) does not a range make
+                    } else {
+                        self.rng.gen_range(1, kwd.entries.len())
+                    };
+                    if let Some(ent) = kwd.format_entry(entry) {
+                        self.client.send_notice(target, ent)?;
+                    } else {
+                        self.client
+                            .send_notice(target, format!("\x02{}\x0f: no entries yet", subj))?;
+                    }
+                }
+            }
+            None => {
+                // If someone just posts "??????????", don't spam the channel with
+                // an error message (but do allow joke entries to appear if set).
+                if !subj.chars().all(|c| c == '?' || c == ' ') {
+                    self.client
+                        .send_notice(target, format!("\x02{}\x0f: never heard of it", subj))?;
+                }
+            }
+        }
+        Ok(())
+    }
+
+    pub fn handle_privmsg(&mut self, from: &str, chan: &str, msg: &str) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        let nick = from.split("!").next().ok_or(format_err!(
+            "Received PRIVMSG from a source without nickname (failed to split n!u@h)"
+        ))?;
+        let target = if chan.starts_with("#") { chan } else { nick };
+        debug!("[{}] <{}> {}", chan, nick, msg);
+        if let Some(learn) = LEARN_RE.captures(msg) {
+            self.handle_learn(target, nick, chan, learn)?;
+        } else if let Some(qlast) = QLAST_RE.captures(msg) {
+            self.handle_insert_last_quote(target, nick, chan, qlast)?;
+        } else if let Some(mv) = MOVE_RE.captures(msg) {
+            self.handle_move(target, nick, chan, mv)?;
+        } else if let Some(icr) = INCREMENT_RE.captures(msg) {
+            self.handle_increment(target, nick, chan, icr)?;
+        } else if let Some(query) = QUERY_RE.captures(msg) {
+            self.handle_query(target, nick, chan, query)?;
+        } else {
+            let chan_lastmsgs = self
+                .last_msgs
+                .entry(chan.to_string())
+                .or_insert(HashMap::new());
+            chan_lastmsgs.insert(nick.to_string().to_ascii_lowercase(), msg.to_string());
+        }
+        Ok(())
+    }
+
+    pub fn handle_msg(&mut self, m: Message) -> Result<(), Error> {
+        match m.command {
+            Command::PRIVMSG(channel, message) => {
+                if let Some(src) = m.prefix {
+                    if let Err(e) = self.handle_privmsg(&src, &channel, &message) {
+                        warn!("error handling command in {} (src {}): {}", channel, src, e);
+                        if let Some(nick) = src.split("!").next() {
+                            self.report_error(nick, &channel, e)?;
+                        }
+                    }
+                }
+            }
+            Command::INVITE(nick, channel) => {
+                if self.cfg.admins.contains(&nick) {
+                    info!("Joining {} after admin invite", channel);
+                    self.client.send_join(channel)?;
+                }
+            }
+            _ => {}
+        }
+        Ok(())
+    }
+}
+
+fn main() -> Result<(), Error> {
+    println!("[+] loading configuration");
+    let default_log_filter = "paroxysm=info".to_string();
+    let mut settings = config::Config::default();
+    settings.merge(config::Environment::with_prefix("PARX"))?;
+    let cfg: Config = settings.try_into()?;
+    let env = env_logger::Env::new()
+        .default_filter_or(cfg.log_filter.clone().unwrap_or(default_log_filter));
+    env_logger::init_from_env(env);
+    info!("paroxysm starting up");
+    info!("connecting to database at {}", cfg.database_url);
+    let pg = Pool::new(ConnectionManager::new(&cfg.database_url))?;
+    info!("connecting to IRC using config {}", cfg.irc_config_path);
+    let client = IrcClient::new(&cfg.irc_config_path)?;
+    client.identify()?;
+    let st = client.stream();
+    let mut app = App {
+        client,
+        pg,
+        cfg,
+        rng: thread_rng(),
+        last_msgs: HashMap::new(),
+    };
+    info!("running!");
+    st.for_each_incoming(|m| {
+        if let Err(e) = app.handle_msg(m) {
+            warn!("Error processing message: {}", e);
+        }
+    })?;
+    Ok(())
+}
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/src/models.rs b/fun/paroxysm/src/models.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..721efbbb2e61
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/src/models.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,36 @@
+use crate::schema::{entries, keywords};
+use chrono::NaiveDateTime;
+
+#[derive(Queryable)]
+pub struct Keyword {
+    pub id: i32,
+    pub name: String,
+    pub chan: String,
+}
+
+#[derive(Queryable)]
+pub struct Entry {
+    pub id: i32,
+    pub keyword_id: i32,
+    pub idx: i32,
+    pub text: String,
+    pub creation_ts: NaiveDateTime,
+    pub created_by: String,
+}
+
+#[derive(Insertable)]
+#[table_name = "keywords"]
+pub struct NewKeyword<'a> {
+    pub name: &'a str,
+    pub chan: &'a str,
+}
+
+#[derive(Insertable)]
+#[table_name = "entries"]
+pub struct NewEntry<'a> {
+    pub keyword_id: i32,
+    pub idx: i32,
+    pub text: &'a str,
+    pub creation_ts: NaiveDateTime,
+    pub created_by: &'a str,
+}
diff --git a/fun/paroxysm/src/schema.rs b/fun/paroxysm/src/schema.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..ef4044531ee7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/paroxysm/src/schema.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,18 @@
+table! {
+    entries (id) {
+        id -> Int4,
+        keyword_id -> Int4,
+        idx -> Int4,
+        text -> Varchar,
+        creation_ts -> Timestamp,
+        created_by -> Varchar,
+    }
+}
+
+table! {
+    keywords (id) {
+        id -> Int4,
+        name -> Varchar,
+        chan -> Varchar,
+    }
+}
diff --git a/fun/quinistry/.gitignore b/fun/quinistry/.gitignore
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..622119552e47
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/quinistry/.gitignore
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+.idea/
+quinistry
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/fun/quinistry/README.md b/fun/quinistry/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..de197a219ebf
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/quinistry/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,63 @@
+Quinistry
+=========
+
+*A simple Docker registry quine.*
+
+## What?
+
+This is an example project for a from-scratch implementation of an HTTP server compatible with the [Docker Registry V2][]
+protocol.
+
+It serves a single image called `quinistry:latest` which is a Docker image that runs quinistry itself, therefore it is a
+sort of Docker registry [quine][].
+
+The official documentation does not contain enough information to actually implement this protocol (which I assume is
+intentional), but a bit of trial&error lead there anyways. I've added comments to parts of the code to clear up things
+that may be helpful to other developers in the future.
+
+## Example
+
+```
+# Run quinistry:
+vincent@urdhva ~/go/src/github.com/tazjin/quinistry (git)-[master] % ./quinistry
+2017/03/16 14:11:56 Starting quinistry
+
+# Pull the quinistry image from itself:
+vincent@urdhva ~ % docker pull localhost:8080/quinistry
+Using default tag: latest
+latest: Pulling from quinistry
+7bf1a8b18466: Already exists
+Digest: sha256:d5cd4490901ef04b4e28e4ccc03a1d25fe3461200cf4d7166aab86fcd495e22e
+Status: Downloaded newer image for localhost:8080/quinistry:latest
+
+# Quinistry will log:
+2017/03/16 14:14:03 Acknowleding V2 API: GET /v2/
+2017/03/16 14:14:03 Serving manifest: GET /v2/quinistry/manifests/latest
+2017/03/16 14:14:03 Serving config: GET /v2/quinistry/blobs/sha256:fbb165c48849de16017aa398aa9bb08fd1c00eaa7c150b6c2af37312913db279
+
+# Run the downloaded image:
+vincent@urdhva ~ % docker run -p 8090:8080 localhost:8080/quinistry
+2017/03/16 13:15:18 Starting quinistry
+
+# And download it again from itself:
+vincent@urdhva ~ % docker pull localhost:8090/quinistry
+Using default tag: latest
+latest: Pulling from quinistry
+7bf1a8b18466: Already exists
+Digest: sha256:11141d95ddce0bac9ffa32ab1e8bc94748ed923e87762c68858dc41d11a46d3f
+Status: Downloaded newer image for localhost:8090/quinistry:latest
+```
+
+## Building
+
+Quinistry creates a Docker image that only contains a statically linked `main` binary. As this package makes use of
+`net/http`, Go will (by default) link against `libc` for DNS resolution and create a dynamic binary instead.
+
+To disable this, `build` the project with `-tags netgo`:
+
+```
+go build -tags netgo
+```
+
+[Docker Registry V2]: https://docs.docker.com/registry/spec/api/
+[quine]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quine_(computing)
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/fun/quinistry/const.go b/fun/quinistry/const.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..173fa9efc390
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/quinistry/const.go
@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
+package main
+
+// HTTP content types
+
+const ImageConfigMediaType string = "application/vnd.docker.container.image.v1+json"
+const ManifestMediaType string = "application/vnd.docker.distribution.manifest.v2+json"
+const LayerMediaType string = "application/vnd.docker.image.rootfs.diff.tar.gzip"
+
+// HTTP header names
+
+const ContentType string = "Content-Type"
+const DigestHeader string = "Docker-Content-Digest"
diff --git a/fun/quinistry/default.nix b/fun/quinistry/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..b12c5e6f0c29
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/quinistry/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+{ depot, ... }:
+
+depot.nix.buildGo.program {
+  name = "quinistry";
+  srcs = [
+    ./const.go
+    ./image.go
+    ./main.go
+    ./types.go
+  ];
+}
diff --git a/fun/quinistry/image.go b/fun/quinistry/image.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..3daeac34d6bb
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/quinistry/image.go
@@ -0,0 +1,150 @@
+// The code in this file creates a Docker image layer containing the binary of the
+// application itself.
+
+package main
+
+import (
+	"archive/tar"
+	"bytes"
+	"compress/gzip"
+	"crypto/sha256"
+	"encoding/json"
+	"fmt"
+	"io/ioutil"
+	"log"
+	"os"
+	"time"
+)
+
+// This function creates a Docker-image digest (i.e. SHA256 hash with
+// algorithm-specification prefix)
+func Digest(b []byte) string {
+	hash := sha256.New()
+	hash.Write(b)
+
+	return fmt.Sprintf("sha256:%x", hash.Sum(nil))
+}
+
+func GetImageOfCurrentExecutable() Image {
+	binary := getCurrentBinary()
+	tarArchive := createTarArchive(&map[string][]byte{
+		"/main": binary,
+	})
+
+	configJson, configElem := createConfig([]string{Digest(tarArchive)})
+	compressed := gzipArchive("Quinistry image", tarArchive)
+	manifest := createManifest(&configElem, &compressed)
+	manifestJson, _ := json.Marshal(manifest)
+
+	return Image{
+		Layer:          compressed,
+		LayerDigest:    Digest(compressed),
+		Manifest:       manifestJson,
+		ManifestDigest: Digest(manifestJson),
+		Config:         configJson,
+		ConfigDigest:   Digest(configJson),
+	}
+
+}
+
+func getCurrentBinary() []byte {
+	path, _ := os.Executable()
+	file, _ := ioutil.ReadFile(path)
+	return file
+}
+
+func createTarArchive(files *map[string][]byte) []byte {
+	buf := new(bytes.Buffer)
+	w := tar.NewWriter(buf)
+
+	for name, file := range *files {
+		hdr := &tar.Header{
+			Name: name,
+			// Everything is executable \o/
+			Mode: 0755,
+			Size: int64(len(file)),
+		}
+		w.WriteHeader(hdr)
+		w.Write(file)
+	}
+
+	if err := w.Close(); err != nil {
+		log.Fatalln(err)
+		os.Exit(1)
+	}
+
+	return buf.Bytes()
+}
+
+func gzipArchive(name string, archive []byte) []byte {
+	buf := new(bytes.Buffer)
+	w := gzip.NewWriter(buf)
+	w.Name = name
+	w.Write(archive)
+
+	if err := w.Close(); err != nil {
+		log.Fatalln(err)
+		os.Exit(1)
+	}
+
+	return buf.Bytes()
+}
+
+func createConfig(layerDigests []string) (configJson []byte, elem Element) {
+	now := time.Now()
+
+	imageConfig := &ImageConfig{
+		Cmd: []string{"/main"},
+		Env: []string{"PATH=/"},
+	}
+
+	rootFs := RootFs{
+		DiffIds: layerDigests,
+		Type:    "layers",
+	}
+
+	history := []History{
+		{
+			Created:   now,
+			CreatedBy: "Quinistry magic",
+		},
+	}
+
+	config := Config{
+		Created:      now,
+		Author:       "tazjin",
+		Architecture: "amd64",
+		Os:           "linux",
+		Config:       imageConfig,
+		RootFs:       rootFs,
+		History:      history,
+	}
+
+	configJson, _ = json.Marshal(config)
+
+	elem = Element{
+		MediaType: ImageConfigMediaType,
+		Size:      len(configJson),
+		Digest:    Digest(configJson),
+	}
+
+	return
+}
+
+func createManifest(config *Element, layer *[]byte) Manifest {
+	layers := []Element{
+		{
+			MediaType: LayerMediaType,
+			Size:      len(*layer),
+			// Layers must contain the digest of the *gzipped* layer.
+			Digest: Digest(*layer),
+		},
+	}
+
+	return Manifest{
+		SchemaVersion: 2,
+		MediaType:     ManifestMediaType,
+		Config:        *config,
+		Layers:        layers,
+	}
+}
diff --git a/fun/quinistry/k8s/child.yaml b/fun/quinistry/k8s/child.yaml
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..aa2e318262cd
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/quinistry/k8s/child.yaml
@@ -0,0 +1,27 @@
+# This is a child quinistry, running via an image served off the parent.
+---
+apiVersion: extensions/v1beta1
+kind: DaemonSet
+metadata:
+  name: quinistry-gen2
+  labels:
+    k8s-app: quinistry
+    quinistry/role: child
+    quinistry/generation: '2'
+spec:
+  template:
+    metadata:
+      labels:
+        k8s-app: quinistry
+        quinistry/role: child
+        quinistry/generation: '2'
+    spec:
+      containers:
+        - name: quinistry
+          # Bootstrap via Docker Hub (or any other registry)
+          image: localhost:5000/quinistry
+          ports:
+            - name: registry
+              containerPort: 8080
+              # Incremented hostPort, 
+              hostPort: 5001
diff --git a/fun/quinistry/k8s/parent.yaml b/fun/quinistry/k8s/parent.yaml
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..0db2fe300e1e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/quinistry/k8s/parent.yaml
@@ -0,0 +1,27 @@
+# This is a bootstrapped Quinistry DaemonSet. The initial image
+# comes from Docker Hub
+---
+apiVersion: extensions/v1beta1
+kind: DaemonSet
+metadata:
+  name: quinistry
+  labels:
+    k8s-app: quinistry
+    quinistry/role: parent
+    quinistry/generation: '1'
+spec:
+  template:
+    metadata:
+      labels:
+        k8s-app: quinistry
+        quinistry/role: parent
+        quinistry/generation: '1'
+    spec:
+      containers:
+        - name: quinistry
+          # Bootstrap via Docker Hub (or any other registry)
+          image: tazjin/quinistry
+          ports:
+            - name: registry
+              containerPort: 8080
+              hostPort: 5000
diff --git a/fun/quinistry/main.go b/fun/quinistry/main.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..50b47418d1a8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/quinistry/main.go
@@ -0,0 +1,57 @@
+package main
+
+import (
+	"fmt"
+	"log"
+	"net/http"
+)
+
+func main() {
+	log.Println("Starting quinistry")
+
+	image := GetImageOfCurrentExecutable()
+
+	layerUri := fmt.Sprintf("/v2/quinistry/blobs/%s", image.LayerDigest)
+	configUri := fmt.Sprintf("/v2/quinistry/blobs/%s", image.ConfigDigest)
+
+	log.Fatal(http.ListenAndServe(":8080", http.HandlerFunc(func(w http.ResponseWriter, r *http.Request) {
+		// Acknowledge that we speak V2
+		if r.RequestURI == "/v2/" {
+			logRequest("Acknowleding V2 API", r)
+			fmt.Fprintln(w)
+			return
+		}
+
+		// Serve manifest
+		if r.RequestURI == "/v2/quinistry/manifests/latest" {
+			logRequest("Serving manifest", r)
+			w.Header().Set(ContentType, ManifestMediaType)
+			w.Header().Add(DigestHeader, image.ManifestDigest)
+			w.Write(image.Manifest)
+			return
+		}
+
+		// Serve actual image layer
+		if r.RequestURI == layerUri {
+			logRequest("Serving image layer blob", r)
+			w.Header().Add(DigestHeader, image.LayerDigest)
+			w.Write(image.Layer)
+			return
+		}
+
+		// Serve image config
+		if r.RequestURI == configUri {
+			logRequest("Serving config", r)
+			w.Header().Set("Content-Type", ImageConfigMediaType)
+			w.Header().Set(DigestHeader, image.ConfigDigest)
+			w.Write(image.Config)
+			return
+		}
+
+		log.Printf("Unhandled request: %v\n", *r)
+	})))
+}
+
+func logRequest(msg string, r *http.Request) {
+	log.Printf("%s: %s %s\n", msg, r.Method, r.RequestURI)
+}
diff --git a/fun/quinistry/types.go b/fun/quinistry/types.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..498cbac2f2ab
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/quinistry/types.go
@@ -0,0 +1,79 @@
+package main
+
+import "time"
+
+// This type represents the rootfs-key of the Docker image config.
+// It specifies the digest (i.e. usually SHA256 hash) of the tar'ed, but NOT
+// compressed image layers.
+type RootFs struct {
+	// The digests of the non-compressed FS layers.
+	DiffIds []string `json:"diff_ids"`
+
+	// Type should always be set to "layers"
+	Type string `json:"type"`
+}
+
+// This type represents an entry in the Docker image config's history key.
+// Every history element "belongs" to a filesystem layer.
+type History struct {
+	Created   time.Time `json:"created"`
+	CreatedBy string    `json:"created_by"`
+}
+
+// This type represents runtime-configuration for the Docker image.
+// A lot of possible keys are omitted here, see:
+// https://github.com/docker/docker/blob/master/image/spec/v1.2.md#image-json-description
+type ImageConfig struct {
+	Cmd []string
+	Env []string
+}
+
+// This type represents the Docker image configuration
+type Config struct {
+	Created time.Time `json:"created"`
+	Author  string    `json:"author"`
+
+	// Architecture should be "amd64"
+	Architecture string `json:"architecture"`
+
+	// OS should be "linux"
+	Os string `json:"os"`
+
+	// Configuration can be set to 'nil', in which case all options have to be
+	// supplied at container launch time.
+	Config *ImageConfig `json:"config"`
+
+	// Filesystem layers and history elements have to be in the same order.
+	RootFs  RootFs    `json:"rootfs"`
+	History []History `json:"history"`
+}
+
+// This type represents any manifest
+type Element struct {
+	MediaType string `json:"mediaType"`
+	Size      int    `json:"size"`
+	Digest    string `json:"digest"`
+}
+
+// This type represents a Docker image manifest as used by the registry
+// protocol V2.
+type Manifest struct {
+	SchemaVersion int       `json:"schemaVersion"` // Must be 2
+	MediaType     string    `json:"mediaType"`     // Use ManifestMediaType const
+	Config        Element   `json:"config"`
+	Layers        []Element `json:"layers"`
+}
+
+// A really "dumb" representation of an image, with its data blob and related
+// metadata.
+// Note: This is not a registry API type.
+type Image struct {
+	Layer       []byte
+	LayerDigest string
+
+	Manifest       []byte
+	ManifestDigest string
+
+	Config       []byte
+	ConfigDigest string
+}
diff --git a/fun/tvl-ebooks/OWNERS b/fun/tvl-ebooks/OWNERS
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..a58e6540a3f3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/tvl-ebooks/OWNERS
@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+ben
diff --git a/fun/tvl-ebooks/default.nix b/fun/tvl-ebooks/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..68e61c2525b8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/tvl-ebooks/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+{ pkgs, ... }:
+
+pkgs.buildGoModule {
+  name = "tvl-ebooks";
+  vendorHash = "sha256:1p7bazh2vbhvvm559bcvfff9s4yy4q9jmklxr3sfp97inwpv6hzy";
+  src = ./.;
+}
diff --git a/fun/tvl-ebooks/ebook-client/main.go b/fun/tvl-ebooks/ebook-client/main.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..7954184dd7be
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/tvl-ebooks/ebook-client/main.go
@@ -0,0 +1,170 @@
+package main
+
+import (
+	"crypto/tls"
+	"encoding/json"
+	"flag"
+	"fmt"
+	"log"
+	"net"
+	"sync"
+	"time"
+
+	"github.com/go-redis/redis"
+	"gopkg.in/irc.v3"
+)
+
+var messageBeat chan bool
+var firstMessage chan bool
+var client *irc.Client
+var safeLock sync.Mutex
+
+func main() {
+	nick := flag.String("nick", "NONE", "the ircnick you want")
+	from := flag.String("ip", "[::1]", "src address")
+	flag.Parse()
+
+	localAddrDialier := &net.Dialer{
+		LocalAddr: &net.TCPAddr{
+			IP:   net.ParseIP(*from),
+			Port: 0,
+		},
+	}
+
+	conn, err := tls.DialWithDialer(localAddrDialier, "tcp", "chat.freenode.net:6697", &tls.Config{})
+	if err != nil {
+		log.Fatalln(err)
+	}
+
+	messageBeat = make(chan bool)
+	firstMessage = make(chan bool, 10)
+	go ircKeepalive()
+
+	redisc := redis.NewClient(&redis.Options{
+		Addr:     fmt.Sprintf("127.0.0.1:%d", 6379),
+		Password: "", // no password set
+		DB:       0,  // use default DB
+	})
+
+	go func() {
+		for {
+			time.Sleep(time.Second)
+			r := redisc.Ping()
+			if r.Err() != nil {
+				redisc = redis.NewClient(&redis.Options{
+					Addr:     fmt.Sprintf("127.0.0.1:%d", 6379),
+					Password: "", // no password set
+					DB:       0,  // use default DB
+				})
+			}
+			redisc.Set(fmt.Sprintf("alive-%s", *nick), "yes", time.Second*5)
+		}
+	}()
+
+	if *nick == "NONE" {
+		log.Fatalf("You must set a nick")
+	}
+
+	go func() {
+		<-firstMessage
+		for {
+			psub := redisc.Subscribe(fmt.Sprintf("irc-%s", *nick))
+
+			for {
+				msg, err := psub.ReceiveMessage()
+				if err != nil {
+					break
+				}
+				client.WriteMessage(&irc.Message{
+					Command: "PRIVMSG",
+					Params: []string{
+						"##tvl-ebooks",
+						msg.Payload,
+					},
+				})
+			}
+			time.Sleep(time.Second * 10)
+		}
+
+	}()
+
+	go func() {
+		<-firstMessage
+		for {
+			psub := redisc.Subscribe(fmt.Sprintf("raw-irc-%s", *nick))
+
+			for {
+				msg, err := psub.ReceiveMessage()
+				if err != nil {
+					break
+				}
+				im := irc.Message{}
+				err = json.Unmarshal([]byte(msg.Payload), &im)
+				if err == nil {
+					client.WriteMessage(&im)
+				}
+			}
+			time.Sleep(time.Second * 10)
+		}
+
+	}()
+
+	seenMsgBefore := false
+	config := irc.ClientConfig{
+		Nick: *nick,
+		User: *nick,
+		Name: fmt.Sprintf("%s Ebooks", *nick),
+		Handler: irc.HandlerFunc(func(c *irc.Client, m *irc.Message) {
+			b, _ := json.Marshal(m)
+			log.Printf("%#v", string(b))
+
+			messageBeat <- true
+
+			if !seenMsgBefore {
+				firstMessage <- true
+				seenMsgBefore = true
+			}
+			res := redisc.Publish("ebook", string(b))
+			if res.Err() != nil {
+				log.Printf("Publish error! %#v", err)
+			}
+			if m.Command == "001" {
+				// 001 is a welcome event, so we join channels there
+				c.Write("JOIN ##tvl-ebooks")
+			}
+			// else if m.Command == "PRIVMSG" && c.FromChannel(m) {
+			// 	// // Create a handler on all messages.
+			// 	// c.WriteMessage(&irc.Message{
+			// 	// 	Command: "PRIVMSG",
+			// 	// 	Params: []string{
+			// 	// 		m.Params[0],
+			// 	// 		m.Trailing(),
+			// 	// 	},
+			// 	// })
+			// }
+		}),
+	}
+
+	// Create the client
+	client = irc.NewClient(conn, config)
+	err = client.Run()
+	if err != nil {
+		log.Fatalln(err)
+	}
+}
+
+func ircKeepalive() {
+	tt := time.NewTimer(time.Second)
+	lastPing := time.Now()
+	for {
+		select {
+		case <-tt.C:
+			if time.Since(lastPing) > time.Minute*5 {
+				log.Fatalf("It's been too long since the last IRC message, blowing up")
+			}
+			break
+		case <-messageBeat:
+			lastPing = time.Now()
+		}
+	}
+}
diff --git a/fun/tvl-ebooks/go.mod b/fun/tvl-ebooks/go.mod
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..154fbf8216ef
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/tvl-ebooks/go.mod
@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+module github.com/benjojo/tvl-ebooks
+
+go 1.14
+
+require (
+	github.com/go-redis/redis v6.15.9+incompatible
+	gopkg.in/irc.v3 v3.1.3
+)
diff --git a/fun/tvl-ebooks/go.sum b/fun/tvl-ebooks/go.sum
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..bd3ff8761342
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/tvl-ebooks/go.sum
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+github.com/davecgh/go-spew v1.1.0/go.mod h1:J7Y8YcW2NihsgmVo/mv3lAwl/skON4iLHjSsI+c5H38=
+github.com/go-redis/redis v6.15.9+incompatible h1:K0pv1D7EQUjfyoMql+r/jZqCLizCGKFlFgcHWWmHQjg=
+github.com/go-redis/redis v6.15.9+incompatible/go.mod h1:NAIEuMOZ/fxfXJIrKDQDz8wamY7mA7PouImQ2Jvg6kA=
+github.com/pmezard/go-difflib v1.0.0/go.mod h1:iKH77koFhYxTK1pcRnkKkqfTogsbg7gZNVY4sRDYZ/4=
+github.com/stretchr/objx v0.1.0/go.mod h1:HFkY916IF+rwdDfMAkV7OtwuqBVzrE8GR6GFx+wExME=
+github.com/stretchr/testify v1.4.0/go.mod h1:j7eGeouHqKxXV5pUuKE4zz7dFj8WfuZ+81PSLYec5m4=
+gopkg.in/check.v1 v0.0.0-20161208181325-20d25e280405/go.mod h1:Co6ibVJAznAaIkqp8huTwlJQCZ016jof/cbN4VW5Yz0=
+gopkg.in/irc.v3 v3.1.3 h1:yeTiJ365882L8h4AnBKYfesD92y5R5ZhGiylu9DfcPY=
+gopkg.in/irc.v3 v3.1.3/go.mod h1:shO2gz8+PVeS+4E6GAny88Z0YVVQSxQghdrMVGQsR9s=
+gopkg.in/yaml.v2 v2.2.2/go.mod h1:hI93XBmqTisBFMUTm0b8Fm+jr3Dg1NNxqwp+5A1VGuI=
+gopkg.in/yaml.v2 v2.2.8/go.mod h1:hI93XBmqTisBFMUTm0b8Fm+jr3Dg1NNxqwp+5A1VGuI=
diff --git a/fun/tvl-ebooks/irc-ingest/main.go b/fun/tvl-ebooks/irc-ingest/main.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..bbd607405cdf
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/tvl-ebooks/irc-ingest/main.go
@@ -0,0 +1,99 @@
+package main
+
+import (
+	"crypto/tls"
+	"encoding/json"
+	"fmt"
+	"log"
+	"os"
+	"time"
+
+	"github.com/go-redis/redis"
+	"gopkg.in/irc.v3"
+)
+
+var messageBeat chan bool
+
+func main() {
+	conn, err := tls.Dial("tcp", "bnc.irccloud.com:6697", nil)
+	if err != nil {
+		log.Fatalln(err)
+	}
+
+	messageBeat = make(chan bool)
+	go ircKeepalive()
+
+	redisc := redis.NewClient(&redis.Options{
+		Addr:     fmt.Sprintf("127.0.0.1:%d", 6379),
+		Password: "", // no password set
+		DB:       0,  // use default DB
+	})
+
+	go func() {
+		for {
+			time.Sleep(time.Second)
+			r := redisc.Ping()
+			if r.Err() != nil {
+				redisc = redis.NewClient(&redis.Options{
+					Addr:     fmt.Sprintf("127.0.0.1:%d", 6379),
+					Password: "", // no password set
+					DB:       0,  // use default DB
+				})
+			}
+		}
+	}()
+
+	config := irc.ClientConfig{
+		Nick: "Benjojo",
+		Pass: os.Getenv("IRCCLOUD"),
+		User: "Benjojo",
+		Name: "Ben Cox",
+		Handler: irc.HandlerFunc(func(c *irc.Client, m *irc.Message) {
+			b, _ := json.Marshal(m)
+			// log.Printf("%#v", string(b))
+
+			messageBeat <- true
+			res := redisc.Publish("irccloud", string(b))
+			if res.Err() != nil {
+				log.Printf("Publish error! %#v", err)
+			}
+			// if m.Command == "001" {
+			// 	// 001 is a welcome event, so we join channels there
+			// 	// c.Write("JOIN #bot-test-chan")
+			// } else if m.Command == "PRIVMSG" && c.FromChannel(m) {
+			// 	// // Create a handler on all messages.
+			// 	// c.WriteMessage(&irc.Message{
+			// 	// 	Command: "PRIVMSG",
+			// 	// 	Params: []string{
+			// 	// 		m.Params[0],
+			// 	// 		m.Trailing(),
+			// 	// 	},
+			// 	// })
+			// }
+		}),
+	}
+
+	// Create the client
+	client := irc.NewClient(conn, config)
+	err = client.Run()
+	if err != nil {
+		log.Fatalln(err)
+	}
+}
+
+func ircKeepalive() {
+	tt := time.NewTimer(time.Second)
+	lastPing := time.Now()
+	for {
+		select {
+		case <-tt.C:
+			if time.Since(lastPing) > time.Minute*5 {
+				log.Fatalf("It's been too long since the last IRC message, blowing up")
+			}
+			break
+		case <-messageBeat:
+			lastPing = time.Now()
+		}
+	}
+
+}
diff --git a/fun/tvl-ebooks/make-v6/main.go b/fun/tvl-ebooks/make-v6/main.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..6d4d0047bbac
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/tvl-ebooks/make-v6/main.go
@@ -0,0 +1,26 @@
+package main
+
+import (
+	"crypto/rand"
+	"log"
+	"net"
+)
+
+func main() {
+	// 2a0c:2f07:29:9999:6564:5298:8413:4652
+	ip := net.ParseIP("2a0c:2f07:29::")
+
+	rand.Read(ip[6:])
+
+	if ip[7] > 0xaa {
+		ip[4] = 0x03
+		ip[5] = 0x84
+		if ip[7] > 0xdd {
+			ip[4] = 0x08
+			ip[5] = 0x64
+		}
+	}
+
+	log.Printf("%s\n", ip)
+	//
+}
diff --git a/fun/tvl-ebooks/mkov-engine/main.go b/fun/tvl-ebooks/mkov-engine/main.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..ba4863414029
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/tvl-ebooks/mkov-engine/main.go
@@ -0,0 +1,246 @@
+package main
+
+import (
+	"encoding/json"
+	"fmt"
+	"log"
+	"math/rand"
+	"strconv"
+	"strings"
+	"time"
+
+	"github.com/go-redis/redis"
+)
+
+type incomingIRC struct {
+	Command string   `json:"Command"`
+	Host    string   `json:"Host"`
+	Name    string   `json:"Name"`
+	Params  []string `json:"Params"`
+	User    string   `json:"User"`
+}
+
+var suppressionUsernames map[string]bool
+var noMkov map[string]bool
+
+func main() {
+	redisc := redis.NewClient(&redis.Options{
+		Addr:     fmt.Sprintf("127.0.0.1:%d", 6379),
+		Password: "", // no password set
+		DB:       0,  // use default DB
+	})
+
+	fireaway := make(chan incomingIRC, 10)
+	suppressionUsernames = make(map[string]bool)
+
+	suppressionList := redisc.HGetAll("suppressionList")
+	suppressionListA, _ := suppressionList.Result()
+
+	suppressionListMap, _ := stringMaptoIntMap(suppressionListA)
+	for v, _ := range suppressionListMap {
+		suppressionUsernames[v] = true
+		suppressionUsernames[strings.ToLower(v)] = true
+	}
+
+	noMkov = make(map[string]bool)
+
+	noMkovRedis := redisc.HGetAll("nomkov")
+	noMkovRedisA, _ := noMkovRedis.Result()
+
+	noMkovMap, _ := stringMaptoIntMap(noMkovRedisA)
+	for v, _ := range noMkovMap {
+		noMkov[v] = true
+		noMkov[strings.ToLower(v)] = true
+	}
+
+	go func() {
+		for {
+			irccloudFeed := redisc.Subscribe("irccloud")
+			for {
+				msg, err := irccloudFeed.ReceiveMessage()
+				if err != nil {
+					break
+				}
+				imsg := incomingIRC{}
+				err = json.Unmarshal([]byte(msg.Payload), &imsg)
+				if err != nil {
+					log.Printf("Json decoding error from irccloud feed %s", err)
+					continue
+				}
+
+				if imsg.Command == "PRIVMSG" {
+					if len(imsg.Params) == 2 {
+						if imsg.Params[0] == "##tvl" || imsg.Params[0] == "##tvlbot" {
+							fireaway <- imsg
+						}
+					}
+				}
+			}
+			time.Sleep(time.Second)
+		}
+	}()
+
+	for msg := range fireaway {
+		// Learn
+		learnFromMessage(msg, redisc)
+		msg2 := generateMesasge(msg, redisc)
+
+		// Check if we have a active log in for that user
+		ttl := redisc.TTL("alive-" + msg.Name + "-eb")
+		ttld, err := ttl.Result()
+		if err == nil {
+			redisc.Publish("irc-"+msg.Name+"-eb", msg2)
+			if ttld == 0 || ttld.Seconds() == -2 {
+				redisc.Publish("irc-tvlebooks-eb", "<"+fmt.Sprintf("%s.%s", string(msg.Name[0]), msg.Name[1:])+"-eb> "+msg2)
+			}
+		} else {
+			redisc.Publish("irc-tvlebooks-eb", "<"+fmt.Sprintf("%s.%s", string(msg.Name[0]), msg.Name[1:])+"-eb> "+msg2)
+		}
+	}
+}
+
+func generateMesasge(msg incomingIRC, redisc *redis.Client) string {
+	text := msg.Params[1]
+	username := strings.ToLower(msg.Name)
+	suppressionUsernames[username] = true
+	suppressionUsernames[username+":"] = true
+	suppressionUsernames[msg.Name] = true
+	suppressionUsernames[msg.Name+":"] = true
+	redisc.HIncrBy("suppressionList", msg.Name, 1)
+
+	text = strings.ToLower(text)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ",", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ",", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ".", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, "!", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, "?", "", -1)
+
+	words := strings.Split(text, " ")
+	lastWord := propwords(msg.Name, words[0], redisc)
+
+	if noMkov[username] {
+		lastWord = blockoutWord(lastWord)
+		words[0] = blockoutWord(words[0])
+	}
+
+	lastWord = filterHighlights(lastWord)
+
+	if lastWord == "_END_" {
+		if noMkov[username] {
+			return blockoutWord(words[0])
+		}
+		return words[0]
+	}
+	outputMsg := words[0] + " " + lastWord + " "
+
+	for {
+		lastWord = propwords(username, lastWord, redisc)
+		if lastWord == "" || lastWord == "_END_" {
+			return outputMsg
+		}
+
+		if noMkov[username] {
+			lastWord = blockoutWord(lastWord)
+		}
+
+		lastWord = filterHighlights(lastWord)
+
+		outputMsg += lastWord + " "
+		if len(outputMsg) > 100 {
+			return outputMsg
+		}
+	}
+}
+
+// filterHighlights: tries to prevent highlights by checking against
+// a map called suppressionUsernames
+func filterHighlights(in string) string {
+	for username := range suppressionUsernames {
+		if strings.Contains(in, username) {
+			if len(in) < 2 {
+				in = fmt.Sprintf("%s.%s", string(in[0]), in[1:])
+				return in
+			}
+		}
+	}
+	return in
+}
+
+func blockoutWord(in string) string {
+	block := ""
+	for i := 0; i < len(in); i++ {
+		block += "β–ˆ"
+	}
+	return block
+}
+
+func propwords(username string, start string, redisc *redis.Client) string {
+	userHash := redisc.HGetAll(fmt.Sprintf("%s-%s", username, start))
+	userHashMap, err := userHash.Result()
+	if err != nil {
+		genericHash := redisc.HGetAll(fmt.Sprintf("generic-%s", start))
+		userHashMap, err = genericHash.Result()
+	}
+
+	userIntHashMap, totalVectors := stringMaptoIntMap(userHashMap)
+	if totalVectors == 0 {
+		return ""
+	}
+	targetRand := rand.Intn(totalVectors)
+	progresRand := 0
+
+	for k, v := range userIntHashMap {
+		progresRand += v
+		if targetRand > progresRand {
+			return k
+		}
+	}
+
+	for k, _ := range userIntHashMap {
+		return k
+	}
+
+	return ""
+}
+
+func stringMaptoIntMap(in map[string]string) (outMap map[string]int, total int) {
+	outMap = make(map[string]int)
+
+	for k, v := range in {
+		i, err := strconv.ParseInt(v, 10, 64)
+		if err != nil {
+			continue
+		}
+		total += int(i)
+		outMap[k] = int(i)
+	}
+
+	return outMap, total
+}
+
+func learnFromMessage(msg incomingIRC, redisc *redis.Client) {
+	text := msg.Params[1]
+
+	text = strings.ToLower(text)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ",", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ",", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ".", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, "!", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, "?", "", -1)
+
+	words := strings.Split(text, " ")
+	username := msg.Name
+
+	for k, word := range words {
+		// HINCRBY myhash field 1
+		nextWord := "_END_"
+		if len(words)-1 != k {
+			nextWord = words[k+1]
+		}
+
+		if !noMkov[username] {
+			redisc.HIncrBy(fmt.Sprintf("%s-%s", username, word), nextWord, 1)
+		}
+		redisc.HIncrBy(fmt.Sprintf("generic-%s", word), nextWord, 1)
+	}
+}
diff --git a/fun/tvl-ebooks/parse-logs/main.go b/fun/tvl-ebooks/parse-logs/main.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..a2d0d20eeb9c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/tvl-ebooks/parse-logs/main.go
@@ -0,0 +1,174 @@
+package main
+
+import (
+	"bufio"
+	"fmt"
+	"log"
+	"math/rand"
+	"os"
+	"regexp"
+	"strconv"
+	"strings"
+
+	"github.com/go-redis/redis"
+)
+
+type incomingIRC struct {
+	Command string   `json:"Command"`
+	Host    string   `json:"Host"`
+	Name    string   `json:"Name"`
+	Params  []string `json:"Params"`
+	User    string   `json:"User"`
+}
+
+var quicklogMatch = regexp.MustCompile(`<(\w+)> (.+)`)
+
+func main() {
+	redisc := redis.NewClient(&redis.Options{
+		Addr:     fmt.Sprintf("127.0.0.1:%d", 6379),
+		Password: "", // no password set
+		DB:       0,  // use default DB
+	})
+
+	fireaway := make(chan incomingIRC, 10)
+	go func() {
+		f, err := os.Open("tvl.txt")
+		if err != nil {
+			log.Printf("aaa %v", err)
+			os.Exit(0)
+		}
+
+		bio := bufio.NewReader(f)
+		for {
+			line, _, err := bio.ReadLine()
+			if err != nil {
+				break
+			}
+
+			sline := string(line)
+
+			offset := strings.Index(sline, "]")
+
+			notime := sline[offset+1:]
+
+			if quicklogMatch.MatchString(notime) {
+				bits := quicklogMatch.FindAllStringSubmatch(notime, -1)
+				if len(bits) != 0 {
+					if len(bits[0]) != 0 {
+						a := make([]string, 2)
+						a[1] = bits[0][2]
+						ic := incomingIRC{
+							Name:   bits[0][1],
+							Params: a,
+						}
+						log.Printf("aa %#v", ic)
+
+						fireaway <- ic
+					}
+				}
+			}
+
+		}
+
+	}()
+
+	for msg := range fireaway {
+		// Learn
+		learnFromMessage(msg, redisc)
+		// os.Exit(0)
+	}
+}
+
+func generateMesasge(msg incomingIRC, redisc *redis.Client) string {
+	text := msg.Params[1]
+	username := msg.Name
+
+	text = strings.ToLower(text)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ",", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ",", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ".", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, "!", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, "?", "", -1)
+
+	words := strings.Split(text, " ")
+	lastWord := propwords(username, words[0], redisc)
+	outputMsg := words[0] + " " + lastWord + " "
+
+	for {
+		lastWord = propwords(username, words[0], redisc)
+		if lastWord == "" || lastWord == "_END_" {
+			return outputMsg
+		}
+
+		outputMsg += lastWord + " "
+		if len(outputMsg) > 100 {
+			return outputMsg
+		}
+	}
+}
+
+func propwords(username string, start string, redisc *redis.Client) string {
+	userHash := redisc.HGetAll(fmt.Sprintf("%s-%s", username, start))
+	userHashMap, err := userHash.Result()
+	if err != nil {
+		genericHash := redisc.HGetAll(fmt.Sprintf("generic-%s", start))
+		userHashMap, err = genericHash.Result()
+	}
+
+	userIntHashMap, totalVectors := stringMaptoIntMap(userHashMap)
+	targetRand := rand.Intn(totalVectors)
+	progresRand := 0
+
+	for k, v := range userIntHashMap {
+		progresRand += v
+		if targetRand > progresRand {
+			return k
+		}
+	}
+
+	for k, _ := range userIntHashMap {
+		return k
+	}
+
+	return ""
+}
+
+func stringMaptoIntMap(in map[string]string) (outMap map[string]int, total int) {
+	outMap = make(map[string]int)
+
+	for k, v := range in {
+		i, err := strconv.ParseInt(v, 10, 64)
+		if err != nil {
+			continue
+		}
+		total += int(i)
+		outMap[k] = int(i)
+	}
+
+	return outMap, total
+}
+
+func learnFromMessage(msg incomingIRC, redisc *redis.Client) {
+	text := msg.Params[1]
+
+	text = strings.ToLower(text)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ",", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ",", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, ".", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, "!", "", -1)
+	text = strings.Replace(text, "?", "", -1)
+
+	words := strings.Split(text, " ")
+	username := msg.Name
+
+	for k, word := range words {
+		// HINCRBY myhash field 1
+		nextWord := "_END_"
+		if len(words)-1 != k {
+			nextWord = words[k+1]
+		}
+
+		redisc.HIncrBy(fmt.Sprintf("%s-%s", username, word), nextWord, 1)
+		redisc.HIncrBy(fmt.Sprintf("generic-%s", word), nextWord, 1)
+	}
+}
diff --git a/fun/uggc/default.nix b/fun/uggc/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..980ad16bcc9d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/uggc/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,21 @@
+{ depot, pkgs, ... }:
+
+let
+  inherit (depot.third_party) gopkgs;
+
+  uggc = depot.nix.buildGo.program {
+    name = "uggc";
+    srcs = [
+      ./main.go
+    ];
+    deps = [
+      gopkgs."github.com".pkg.browser.gopkg
+    ];
+  };
+in
+uggc.overrideAttrs (old: {
+  buildCommand = old.buildCommand + ''
+    install -D ${./uggc.desktop} $out/share/applications/uggc.desktop
+    sed "s|@out@|$out|g" -i $out/share/applications/uggc.desktop
+  '';
+})
diff --git a/fun/uggc/main.go b/fun/uggc/main.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..94f8cf092507
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/uggc/main.go
@@ -0,0 +1,38 @@
+package main
+
+import (
+	"fmt"
+	"os"
+	"strings"
+
+	"github.com/pkg/browser"
+)
+
+func rot13(r rune) rune {
+	if 'a' <= r && r <= 'm' {
+		return r + ('n' - 'a')
+	} else if 'n' <= r && r <= 'z' {
+		return r - ('n' - 'a')
+	}
+	if 'A' <= r && r <= 'M' {
+		return r + ('N' - 'A')
+	} else if 'N' <= r && r <= 'Z' {
+		return r - ('N' - 'A')
+	}
+	return r
+}
+
+func main() {
+	if len(os.Args) == 0 {
+		fmt.Println("usage: uggc [rot13-encoded URL]")
+		return
+	}
+	urlText := strings.Join(os.Args[1:], " ")
+	corrected := strings.Map(rot13, urlText)
+
+	err := browser.OpenURL(corrected)
+
+	if err != nil {
+		fmt.Println("could not launch browser:", err)
+	}
+}
diff --git a/fun/uggc/uggc.desktop b/fun/uggc/uggc.desktop
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..c4eeff7f5897
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/uggc/uggc.desktop
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+[Desktop Entry]
+Type=Application
+Name=Rot13 URL Handler
+Exec=@out@/bin/uggc
+StartupNotify=false
+MimeType=x-scheme-handler/uggc;
+MimeType=x-scheme-handler/uggcf;
diff --git a/fun/uggc/uggc.reg b/fun/uggc/uggc.reg
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..bfb8e1952f7e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/uggc/uggc.reg
@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
+Windows Registry Editor Version 5.00
+
+[HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\uggc]
+"URL Protocol"=""
+@="URL:Rot13 HTTP URL Protocol"
+
+[HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\uggcf]
+"URL Protocol"=""
+@="URL:Rot13 HTTPS URL Protocol"
+
+[HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\uggc\shell]
+
+[HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\uggcf\shell]
+
+[HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\uggc\shell\open]
+
+[HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\uggcf\shell\open]
+
+[HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\uggc\shell\open\command]
+@="\"C:\\Program Files\\uggc\\uggc.exe\" \"%1\""
+
+[HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\uggcf\shell\open\command]
+@="\"C:\\Program Files\\uggc\\uggc.exe\" \"%1\""
diff --git a/fun/watchblob/README.md b/fun/watchblob/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..712c96cd95d4
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/watchblob/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,35 @@
+Watchblob - WatchGuard VPN on Linux
+===================================
+
+This tiny helper tool makes it possible to use WatchGuard / Firebox / <<whatever
+they are actually called>> VPNs that use multi-factor authentication on Linux.
+
+Rather than using OpenVPN's built-in dynamic challenge/response protocol, WatchGuard
+has opted for a separate implementation negotiating credentials outside of the
+OpenVPN protocol, which makes it impossible to start those connections solely by
+using the `openvpn` CLI and configuration files.
+
+What this application does has been reverse-engineered from the "WatchGuard Mobile VPN
+with SSL" application on OS X.
+
+I've published a [blog post](https://www.tazj.in/en/1486830338) describing the process
+and what is actually going on in this protocol.
+
+## Installation
+
+Make sure you have Go installed and `GOPATH` configured, then simply
+`go get github.com/tazjin/watchblob/...`.
+
+## Usage
+
+Right now the usage is very simple. Make sure you have the correct OpenVPN client
+config ready (this is normally supplied by the WatchGuard UI) simply run:
+
+```
+watchblob vpnserver.somedomain.org username p4ssw0rd
+```
+
+The server responds with a challenge which is displayed to the user, wait until you
+receive the SMS code or whatever and enter it. `watchblob` then completes the
+credential negotiation and you may proceed to log in with OpenVPN using your username
+and *the OTP token* (**not**  your password) as credentials.
diff --git a/fun/watchblob/default.nix b/fun/watchblob/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..dc32e4d1cefb
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/watchblob/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
+{ depot, ... }:
+
+depot.nix.buildGo.program {
+  name = "watchblob";
+  srcs = [
+    ./main.go
+    ./urls.go
+  ];
+
+  deps = with depot.third_party; [
+    gopkgs."golang.org".x.crypto.ssh.terminal.gopkg
+  ];
+}
diff --git a/fun/watchblob/main.go b/fun/watchblob/main.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..a7ab65d3d196
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/watchblob/main.go
@@ -0,0 +1,108 @@
+package main
+
+import (
+	"bufio"
+	"encoding/xml"
+	"fmt"
+	"golang.org/x/crypto/ssh/terminal"
+	"net/http"
+	"os"
+	"strings"
+	"syscall"
+)
+
+// The XML response returned by the WatchGuard server
+type Resp struct {
+	Action      string `xml:"action"`
+	LogonStatus int    `xml:"logon_status"`
+	LogonId     int    `xml:"logon_id"`
+	Error       string `xml:"errStr"`
+	Challenge   string `xml:"chaStr"`
+}
+
+func main() {
+	args := os.Args[1:]
+
+	if len(args) != 1 {
+		fmt.Fprintln(os.Stderr, "Usage: watchblob <vpn-host>")
+		os.Exit(1)
+	}
+
+	host := args[0]
+
+	username, password, err := readCredentials()
+	if err != nil {
+		fmt.Fprintf(os.Stderr, "Could not read credentials: %v\n", err)
+	}
+
+	fmt.Printf("Requesting challenge from %s as user %s\n", host, username)
+	challenge, err := triggerChallengeResponse(&host, &username, &password)
+
+	if err != nil || challenge.LogonStatus != 4 {
+		fmt.Fprintln(os.Stderr, "Did not receive challenge from server")
+		fmt.Fprintf(os.Stderr, "Response: %v\nError: %v\n", challenge, err)
+		os.Exit(1)
+	}
+
+	token := getToken(&challenge)
+	err = logon(&host, &challenge, &token)
+
+	if err != nil {
+		fmt.Fprintf(os.Stderr, "Logon failed: %v\n", err)
+		os.Exit(1)
+	}
+
+	fmt.Printf("Login succeeded, you may now (quickly) authenticate OpenVPN with %s as your password\n", token)
+}
+
+func readCredentials() (string, string, error) {
+	fmt.Printf("Username: ")
+	reader := bufio.NewReader(os.Stdin)
+	username, err := reader.ReadString('\n')
+
+	fmt.Printf("Password: ")
+	password, err := terminal.ReadPassword(syscall.Stdin)
+	fmt.Println()
+
+	// If an error occured, I don't care about which one it is.
+	return strings.TrimSpace(username), strings.TrimSpace(string(password)), err
+}
+
+func triggerChallengeResponse(host *string, username *string, password *string) (r Resp, err error) {
+	return request(templateUrl(host, templateChallengeTriggerUri(username, password)))
+}
+
+func getToken(challenge *Resp) string {
+	fmt.Println(challenge.Challenge)
+
+	reader := bufio.NewReader(os.Stdin)
+	token, _ := reader.ReadString('\n')
+
+	return strings.TrimSpace(token)
+}
+
+func logon(host *string, challenge *Resp, token *string) (err error) {
+	resp, err := request(templateUrl(host, templateResponseUri(challenge.LogonId, token)))
+	if err != nil {
+		return
+	}
+
+	if resp.LogonStatus != 1 {
+		err = fmt.Errorf("Challenge/response authentication failed: %v", resp)
+	}
+
+	return
+}
+
+func request(url string) (r Resp, err error) {
+	resp, err := http.Get(url)
+	if err != nil {
+		return
+	}
+
+	defer resp.Body.Close()
+	decoder := xml.NewDecoder(resp.Body)
+
+	err = decoder.Decode(&r)
+	return
+}
diff --git a/fun/watchblob/main_test.go b/fun/watchblob/main_test.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..1af52d0cd4eb
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/watchblob/main_test.go
@@ -0,0 +1,96 @@
+package main
+
+import (
+	"encoding/xml"
+	"reflect"
+	"testing"
+)
+
+func TestUnmarshalChallengeRespones(t *testing.T) {
+	var testXml string = `
+<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>
+<resp>
+  <action>sslvpn_logon</action>
+  <logon_status>4</logon_status>
+  <auth-domain-list>
+    <auth-domain>
+      <name>RADIUS</name>
+    </auth-domain>
+  </auth-domain-list>
+  <logon_id>441</logon_id>
+  <chaStr>Enter Your 6 Digit Passcode </chaStr>
+</resp>`
+
+	var r Resp
+	xml.Unmarshal([]byte(testXml), &r)
+
+	expected := Resp{
+		Action:      "sslvpn_logon",
+		LogonStatus: 4,
+		LogonId:     441,
+		Challenge:   "Enter Your 6 Digit Passcode ",
+	}
+
+	assertEqual(t, expected, r)
+}
+
+func TestUnmarshalLoginError(t *testing.T) {
+	var testXml string = `
+<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>
+<resp>
+  <action>sslvpn_logon</action>
+  <logon_status>2</logon_status>
+  <auth-domain-list>
+    <auth-domain>
+      <name>RADIUS</name>
+    </auth-domain>
+  </auth-domain-list>
+  <errStr>501</errStr>
+</resp>`
+
+	var r Resp
+	xml.Unmarshal([]byte(testXml), &r)
+
+	expected := Resp{
+		Action:      "sslvpn_logon",
+		LogonStatus: 2,
+		Error:       "501",
+	}
+
+	assertEqual(t, expected, r)
+}
+
+func TestUnmarshalLoginSuccess(t *testing.T) {
+	var testXml string = `
+<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>
+<resp>
+  <action>sslvpn_logon</action>
+  <logon_status>1</logon_status>
+  <auth-domain-list>
+    <auth-domain>
+      <name>RADIUS</name>
+    </auth-domain>
+  </auth-domain-list>
+</resp>
+`
+	var r Resp
+	xml.Unmarshal([]byte(testXml), &r)
+
+	expected := Resp{
+		Action:      "sslvpn_logon",
+		LogonStatus: 1,
+	}
+
+	assertEqual(t, expected, r)
+}
+
+func assertEqual(t *testing.T, expected interface{}, result interface{}) {
+	if !reflect.DeepEqual(expected, result) {
+		t.Errorf(
+			"Unmarshaled values did not match.\nExpected: %v\nResult: %v\n",
+			expected, result,
+		)
+
+		t.Fail()
+	}
+}
diff --git a/fun/watchblob/urls.go b/fun/watchblob/urls.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..37f65e0faef4
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/watchblob/urls.go
@@ -0,0 +1,37 @@
+package main
+
+import (
+	"fmt"
+	"net/url"
+	"strconv"
+)
+
+const urlFormat string = "https://%s%s"
+const uriFormat = "/?%s"
+
+func templateChallengeTriggerUri(username *string, password *string) string {
+	v := url.Values{}
+	v.Set("action", "sslvpn_logon")
+	v.Set("style", "fw_logon_progress.xsl")
+	v.Set("fw_logon_type", "logon")
+	v.Set("fw_domain", "Firebox-DB")
+	v.Set("fw_username", *username)
+	v.Set("fw_password", *password)
+
+	return fmt.Sprintf(uriFormat, v.Encode())
+}
+
+func templateResponseUri(logonId int, token *string) string {
+	v := url.Values{}
+	v.Set("action", "sslvpn_logon")
+	v.Set("style", "fw_logon_progress.xsl")
+	v.Set("fw_logon_type", "response")
+	v.Set("response", *token)
+	v.Set("fw_logon_id", strconv.Itoa(logonId))
+
+	return fmt.Sprintf(uriFormat, v.Encode())
+}
+
+func templateUrl(baseUrl *string, uri string) string {
+	return fmt.Sprintf(urlFormat, *baseUrl, uri)
+}
diff --git a/fun/wcl/default.nix b/fun/wcl/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..e4d9804c807c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/wcl/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+{ depot, ... }:
+
+depot.nix.buildLisp.program {
+  name = "wc";
+
+  srcs = [
+    ./wc.lisp
+  ];
+
+  deps = with depot.third_party.lisp; [
+    unix-opts
+    iterate
+  ];
+}
diff --git a/fun/wcl/wc.lisp b/fun/wcl/wc.lisp
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..83c7e8c4f1cc
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/wcl/wc.lisp
@@ -0,0 +1,34 @@
+(defpackage wc
+  (:use #:cl #:iterate)
+  (:export :main))
+(in-package :wc)
+(declaim (optimize (speed 3) (safety 0)))
+
+(defun main ()
+  (let ((filename (cadr (opts:argv)))
+        (space (char-code #\Space))
+        (newline (char-code #\Newline)))
+    (with-open-file (file-stream filename :element-type '(unsigned-byte 8))
+      (iter
+        (for byte in-stream file-stream using #'read-byte)
+        (for previous-byte previous byte)
+        (for is-newline = (eql newline byte))
+
+        ;; Count each byte
+        (sum 1 into bytes)
+
+        ;; Count every newline
+        (counting is-newline into newlines)
+
+        ;; Count every "word", unless the preceding character already
+        ;; was a space or we are at the beginning of the file.
+        (when (or (eql space previous-byte)
+                  (eql newline previous-byte)
+                  (not previous-byte))
+          (next-iteration))
+
+        (counting (or is-newline (eql space byte))
+                  into words)
+
+        (declare (fixnum bytes newlines words))
+        (finally (format t "  ~A ~A ~A ~A~%" newlines words bytes filename))))))
diff --git a/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/OWNERS b/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/OWNERS
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..2e9580706346
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/OWNERS
@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+sterni
diff --git a/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/bin.lisp b/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/bin.lisp
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..1f5a2b2e0518
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/bin.lisp
@@ -0,0 +1,91 @@
+(defpackage πŸ•°οΈ.bin
+  (:shadow :describe)
+  (:use :cl :opts)
+  (:import-from :uiop :quit)
+  (:import-from :local-time
+   :now :timestamp-subtimezone :+utc-zone+
+   :*default-timezone* :define-timezone)
+  (:import-from :klatre :format-dottime-offset)
+  (:import-from :πŸ•°οΈ :⌚)
+  (:export :πŸš‚))
+
+(in-package :πŸ•°οΈ.bin)
+(declaim (optimize (safety 3)))
+
+(opts:define-opts
+  (:name :help
+   :description "Print this help text"
+   :short #\h
+   :long "help")
+  (:name :dot-time
+   :description "Use pseudo dot-time format (implies -u)"
+   :short #\d
+   :long "dot-time")
+  (:name :utc
+   :description "Display time in UTC instead of local time"
+   :short #\u
+   :long "utc")
+  (:name :no-newline
+   :description "Don't print a trailing newline"
+   :short #\n
+   :long "no-newline"))
+
+(defun make-slash-terminated (str)
+  (if (eq (char str (1- (length str))) #\/)
+    str
+    (concatenate 'string str "/")))
+
+; TODO(sterni): upstream this into local-time
+(defun setup-default-timezone ()
+  (let* ((tz (remove #\: (uiop:getenv "TZ") :count 1))
+         (tz-dir (uiop:getenv "TZDIR"))
+         (tz-file (if (and tz tz-dir)
+                    (merge-pathnames
+                      (pathname tz)
+                      (pathname (make-slash-terminated tz-dir)))
+                    (pathname "/etc/localtime"))))
+    (handler-case
+      (define-timezone *default-timezone* tz-file :load t)
+      (t () (setf *default-timezone* +utc-zone+)))))
+
+
+(defun πŸš‚ ()
+  (let ((ts (now)))
+    (multiple-value-bind (options free-args)
+      (handler-case (opts:get-opts)
+        ; only handle subset of conditions that can happen here
+        (opts:unknown-option (c)
+          (format t "error: unknown option ~s~%" (opts:option c))
+          (quit 100)))
+
+      ; check if we have any free args we don't know what to do with
+      (when (> (length free-args) 0)
+        (write-string "error: unexpected command line argument(s): ")
+        (loop for arg in free-args
+              do (progn (write-string arg) (write-char #\space)))
+        (write-char #\newline)
+        (quit 100))
+
+      ; print help and exit
+      (when (getf options :help)
+        (opts:describe :usage-of "πŸ•°οΈ")
+        (quit 0))
+
+      ; reinit *default-timezone* as it is cached from compilation
+      (setup-default-timezone)
+      ; dot-time implies UTC, naturally
+      (when (getf options :dot-time)
+        (setf (getf options :utc) t))
+      ; print clock face
+      (format t "~A" (⌚ ts (if (getf options :utc)
+                               local-time:+utc-zone+
+                               local-time:*default-timezone*)))
+      ; render dot-time offset if necessary
+      (when (getf options :dot-time)
+        (multiple-value-bind (offset-secs _dst _name)
+          (timestamp-subtimezone ts local-time:*default-timezone*)
+          (write-string
+            (format-dottime-offset (round (/ offset-secs 3600))))))
+      ; write newline if necessary
+      (when (not (getf options :no-newline))
+        (write-char #\newline)))))
diff --git a/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/default.nix b/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/default.nix
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..2b1a94640009
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/default.nix
@@ -0,0 +1,44 @@
+{ depot, ... }:
+
+let
+  inherit (depot.nix)
+    buildLisp
+    ;
+
+  lib = buildLisp.library {
+    name = "libπŸ•°οΈ";
+    deps = [
+      depot.third_party.lisp.local-time
+    ];
+
+    srcs = [
+      ./lib.lisp
+    ];
+  };
+
+  bin = buildLisp.program {
+    name = "πŸ•°οΈ";
+    deps = [
+      depot.third_party.lisp.unix-opts
+      depot.lisp.klatre
+      {
+        default = buildLisp.bundled "asdf";
+        sbcl = buildLisp.bundled "uiop";
+      }
+      lib
+    ];
+
+    srcs = [
+      ./bin.lisp
+    ];
+
+    main = "πŸ•°οΈ.bin:πŸš‚";
+
+    brokenOn = [
+      "ecl" # refuses to create non-ASCII paths even on POSIX…
+    ];
+  };
+in
+bin // {
+  inherit lib;
+}
diff --git a/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/lib.lisp b/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/lib.lisp
new file mode 100644
index 000000000000..d23db033743e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/fun/πŸ•°οΈ/lib.lisp
@@ -0,0 +1,32 @@
+(defpackage πŸ•°οΈ
+  (:use :cl)
+  (:import-from :local-time
+   :timestamp-subtimezone :*default-timezone* :sec-of)
+  (:export :⌚))
+
+(in-package :πŸ•°οΈ)
+(declaim (optimize (safety 3)))
+
+(defparameter *clock-emojis*
+  (vector #\πŸ•› #\πŸ•§   ; 00:00 - 00:30
+          #\πŸ• #\πŸ•œ   ; 01:00 - 01:30
+          #\πŸ•‘ #\πŸ•   ; 00:00 - 00:30
+          #\πŸ•’ #\πŸ•ž   ; 00:00 - 00:30
+          #\πŸ•“ #\πŸ•Ÿ   ; 00:00 - 00:30
+          #\πŸ•” #\πŸ•    ; 00:00 - 00:30
+          #\πŸ•• #\πŸ•‘   ; 00:00 - 00:30
+          #\πŸ•– #\πŸ•’   ; 00:00 - 00:30
+          #\πŸ•— #\πŸ•£   ; 00:00 - 00:30
+          #\πŸ•˜ #\πŸ•€   ; 00:00 - 00:30
+          #\πŸ•™ #\πŸ•₯   ; 00:00 - 00:30
+          #\πŸ•š #\πŸ•¦)) ; 11:00 - 11:30
+
+(defun ⌚ (timestamp &optional (tz *default-timezone*))
+  "Convert a LOCAL-TIME:TIMESTAMP into the nearest Unicode clock face.
+  Use TZ (which defaults to LOCAL-TIME:*DEFAULT-TIMEZONE*) to determine
+  the UTC offset to factor when determining the local clock face."
+  (let* ((offset (multiple-value-bind (offset-secs _dst _name)
+                   (timestamp-subtimezone timestamp tz)
+                   offset-secs))
+         (secs (+ (sec-of timestamp) offset)))
+    (elt *clock-emojis* (mod (round (/ secs 1800)) 24))))