Drop support for ZSH

I've been using Fish consistently for about a month now, and I don't see myself
switching back to ZSH. Some of the code from this commit should be published. I
may get around to that one day. Before I did that, I would need to clean it up
and document it, which I won't be doing today.

Thank you, ZSH, for your service.

7 files changed, 5 insertions, 1633 deletions

diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
index 0c1223737d27..8fc59767c3cc 100644
--- a/README.md
+++ b/README.md
@@ -73,10 +73,9 @@ $ xclip -sel clip <~/.ssh/id_rsa.pub
 $ browse github.com # paste ssh public key in settings
 ```
 
-1. Install Antigen, Vundle, nix-env
+1. Install Vundle, nix-env
 
 ```bash
-$ ln -s ~/Dropbox/antigen.zsh ~/antigen.zsh
 $ ln -s ~/Dropbox/Vundle.vim ~/.config/nvim/bundle/Vundle.vim
 $ cat ~/Dropbox/install_nix.sh | sh
 $ for p in $(cat nix-env.txt); do
@@ -112,10 +111,10 @@ $ DOTFILES="$(pwd)" make install
 
 For now, this deserves its own section since it isn't automated.
 
-```zsh
-gclone tj/n       # clone repo
-sudo make install # build from source
-n stable          # install the stable version of node
+```bash
+$ gclone tj/n       # clone repo
+$ sudo make install # build from source
+$ n stable          # install the stable version of node
 ```
 
 - TODO: support dependencies like terminal themes
diff --git a/configs/shared/.zprofile b/configs/shared/.zprofile
deleted file mode 100644
index ceccf996fc2e..000000000000
--- a/configs/shared/.zprofile
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,12 +0,0 @@
-# ZSH seems to avoid sourcing ~/.profile during SSH sessions.
-# X (or something else) seems to source ~/.profile with it initializes.
-# Putting this here allows my SSH sessions to have the expected configuration.
-#
-# Putting this here instead of in my .zshrc or .zshenv is advantageous since it
-# is only called once when a terminal is created; subshells and nested ZSH
-# sessions don't re-source this file.
-#
-# See this thread for more information: https://groups.google.com/a/google.com/forum/#!topic/zsh-users/VO2lEJRfFzk
-source ~/.profile
-
-export PATH="$HOME/.cargo/bin:$PATH"
diff --git a/configs/shared/.zshrc b/configs/shared/.zshrc
deleted file mode 100644
index a8ea2657d723..000000000000
--- a/configs/shared/.zshrc
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,89 +0,0 @@
-# Necessary to add this line and keep it at the top of my ~/.zshrc to ensure
-# that Tramp works as expected. This was taken from here:
-# https://www.emacswiki.org/emacs/TrampMode
-[[ $TERM == "dumb" ]] && unsetopt zle && PS1='$ ' && return
-
-source ~/antigen.zsh
-
-# Helper functions
-# TODO: Find a way to share these functions across zsh files.
-defensively_source() {
-  # Checks if the file exists before sourcing it
-  if [ -f $1 ]; then
-    source $1
-  else
-    "Cannot source: $1. Aborting..."
-  fi
-}
-
-command_exists() {
-  # Predicate to check if the command exists
-  command -v $1 >/dev/null
-}
-
-# Load the oh-my-zsh library
-antigen use oh-my-zsh
-
-# Bundles from robbyrussell's oh-my-zsh repo.
-antigen bundle git
-antigen bundle extract         # extracts archives polymorphically
-antigen bundle zsh-completions # extracts archives polymorphically
-
-# Syntax highlighting
-antigen bundle zsh-users/zsh-syntax-highlighting
-
-# Theming
-case $(hostname) in
-  $DESKTOP)     antigen theme frisk;;
-  $LAPTOP)      antigen theme refined;;
-  $CLOUDTOP)    antigen theme cloud;;
-  acer-manjaro) antigen theme frisk;;
-esac
-
-# Leave this last
-antigen apply
-
-# Configure fzf
-if command_exists fzf-share; then
-  source "$(fzf-share)/key-bindings.zsh"
-
-  fzf-locate-widget() {
-    # Press M-i to search entire locate database with fzf.
-    local selected
-    if selected=$(locate / | fzf); then
-      LBUFFER+=$selected
-    fi
-    zle redisplay
-  }
-  zle -N fzf-locate-widget
-  bindkey '\ei' fzf-locate-widget
-
-else
-  defensively_source "/usr/share/fzf/key-bindings.zsh"
-fi
-
-# Configure fasd
-eval "$(fasd --init auto)"
-
-# the above line slows tab-completion down dramatically because it attemtps to
-# autocomplete for the 600k+ users found in `compgen -u`. Below is a fix which
-# also restores the function of `cd ~<tab>` to display only ZSH Named
-# Directories.
-zstyle ':completion:*' users root $USER
-
-# Avoiding the defensive source because I want to ensure these files are
-# available.
-source "$DOTFILES/configs/shared/variables.zsh"
-source "$DOTFILES/configs/shared/aliases.zsh"
-source "$DOTFILES/configs/shared/functions.zsh"
-source "$DOTFILES/configs/shared/zle.zsh"
-
-preexec() {
-  # `preexec` runs before every command is run.
-  update_x11_forwarding
-}
-
-defensively_source ~/.rvm/scripts/rvm         # Ruby
-defensively_source ~/.opam/opam-init/init.zsh # OCaml
-defensively_source ~/.ghcup/env               # Haskell
-defensively_source /etc/bash_completion.d/g4d # Google's g4d
diff --git a/configs/shared/aliases.zsh b/configs/shared/aliases.zsh
deleted file mode 100644
index b08489751d87..000000000000
--- a/configs/shared/aliases.zsh
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,255 +0,0 @@
-# Applications
-#   java:       jv
-#   tmux:       t
-#   $EDITOR:    e
-#   vim:        v
-#   GnuPG:      gpg
-#   blaze:      bz
-#   borgcfg:    br
-#   piper:      pi
-#   pass:       ps
-#   pastebin:   pb
-#   pacman:     pm
-#   codesearch: cs
-#   git:        g
-#   mercurial:  hg
-#   aptitude:   apt
-#   chrome:     c
-#   elixir:     ex
-#   haskell:    hk
-#   wifi:       wf
-#   piper:      pp
-#   g4:         pp
-#   g4d:        pp
-#   cci:        circleci
-#
-# Supported qualifiers:
-#   hidden:      h
-#   ignore-case: i
-#
-# Supported verbs:
-#   source:  s
-#   install: i
-#   test:    t
-#   build:   b
-#   list:    ls
-#   shell:   sh
-
-# Misc
-alias c="xclip -selection clipboard -i"
-alias p="xclip -selection clipboard -o"
-alias cp=cp_dwim
-alias mdd=mkdir_cd
-alias mdp='mkdir --parents'
-alias ls="exa              --sort=type"
-alias ll="exa --long       --sort=type"
-alias la="exa --long --all --sort=type"
-alias lorem="echo Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum."
-alias e="emacsclient --no-wait --create-frame"
-alias cat="bat --theme=TwoDark"
-alias j='fasd_cd -d' # to emulate autojump; my muscle memory is hardened here
-alias vim=nvim # prefer neovim to vim
-alias di=dired
-alias chrome=google-chrome
-alias btctl=bluetoothctl
-alias rg='rg --ignore-case'
-alias rgh='rg --hidden' # By default, rg skips hidden files
-alias fdh='fd --hidden' # By default, rg skips hidden files
-alias define=sdcv # uses stardict to lookup a word
-alias intellij='nohup /opt/intellij-ce-stable/bin/idea.sh >/dev/null 2>&1 &'
-alias tpr='tput reset'
-alias nordvpn='sudo openvpn /etc/openvpn/ovpn_tcp/us3559.nordvpn.com.tcp.ovpn' # connects to the nordvpn servers in USA
-alias perms='ls -ld' # list the permissions of a directory
-alias please='sudo $(fc -ln -1)'
-alias plz=please # for those keystroke-conscience folks
-alias rmrf='rm -rf' # sometimes the dash is just too much...
-alias open=xdg-open
-alias o=open
-alias simple_vim='vim -u ~/.config/nvim/simple.vim' # vim without a zero-dependency vimrc
-alias stopx='sudo service lightdm stop' # stop X server session
-alias next_wallpaper="emacsclient --eval '(wallpaper/next)'" # Cycles forwards one wallpaper.
-alias prev_wallpaper="emacsclient --eval '(wallpaper/prev)'" # Cycles backwards one wallpaper.
-
-# filesystem
-alias files=laf
-alias dirs=lad
-alias links=lal
-
-# device / power mgt
-alias off='shutdown now' # TODO: Consider using `systemctl poweroff`
-alias suspend='systemctl suspend'
-alias hibernate='systemctl hibernate'
-
-# pass
-alias pscp='pass show --clip'
-
-# nmcli
-# NOTE: check out `tldr nmcli` for more information
-alias wfls='nmcli device wifi' # list available wifi network
-alias wfc='nmcli device wifi connect' # connect to a Wifi network
-
-# Gnome
-alias na=nautilus # Gnome's graphical file browser. Useful to click and dragging files into emails
-
-# Tmux
-alias tls='tmux list-sessions'
-alias ta='tmux attach' # NOTE: `t` works for this as well
-alias td='tmux detach' # prefer using the KBD for this (i.e. <leader>d)
-
-# Chrome
-alias cssh='chrome --app-id=pnhechapfaindjhompbnflcldabbghjo' # Secure Shell
-alias crd='chrome --app-id=gbchcmhmhahfdphkhkmpfmihenigjmpp'  # Chrome Remote Desktop
-
-# Dropbox
-alias drst='dropbox.py status'
-
-# Docker
-alias dk="docker"
-alias dkps="docker ps"
-alias dkpsa="docker ps -a"
-alias dkrm="docker rm"
-alias dkrmi="docker rmi"
-alias dkrd="docker run -d"
-alias dki="docker images"
-
-# Java
-alias jvsh='CLASSPATH=$(fd \\.jar$ ~pro/jars | tr \\n :) jshell'
-
-# Elixir
-alias m="mix"
-alias mc="mix compile"
-alias mcf="mix compile --force"
-alias ism="iex -S mix"
-alias tism="MIX_ENV=test iex -S mix"
-alias mdg="mix deps.get"
-alias mdu="mix deps.update"
-alias mdup="mix docker.up"
-alias repl_ex='dkish elixir iex' # depends on the docker aliases
-
-# Clojure
-alias repl_clj='dkish clojure lein repl'
-
-# GPG
-alias gpged='gpg --edit-key wpcarro@gmail.com'
-alias gpge='gpg --encrypt'
-alias gpgd='gpg --decrypt'
-alias gpgls='gpg --list-keys'
-
-# Git
-alias g="git"
-alias glp='git log --graph --pretty=format:"%Cred%h%Creset -%Cblue %an %Creset - %C(yellow)%d%Creset %s %Cgreen(%cr)%Creset" --abbrev-commit --date=relative'
-alias git="hub"
-alias gprom="git pull --rebase origin master"
-alias gca="git commit --amend"
-alias gcan="git commit --amend --no-edit"
-alias gpf="git push --force"
-alias gpff="git push --force --no-verify"
-alias gds="git diff --staged"
-alias gfx="git commit --fixup"
-alias gsh="git show"
-alias gbm="git branch --merged"
-alias gwip="git add . && git commit -m wip"
-alias gpr="git pull-request"
-alias gst="git status && hub pr list" # git status and list open hub PRs (if is a GH repository)
-
-# Mercurial
-# The attempt here is to map my well-known, existing `git` aliases to their
-# Mercurial counterparts. Some may map 1:1, others may be like putting a square
-# peg into a round hole. I will try and use my best judgement in these cases
-# while erring on the side of unifying the two APIs.
-alias hgst='PAGER="" hg status'
-alias hglp='hg xl'
-alias hgp='hg uploadchain' # this is like `git push`
-alias hga='hg add'
-alias hgc='hg commit'
-alias hgcan='hg amend' # like `git commit --amend --no-edit'
-alias hgpr='hg mail -r . -m' # this may be similar to `hub pull-request`
-alias hgd='hg diff'
-alias hgsh='hg export'
-alias hgco='hg update'
-alias hgls='hg citc --list' # should have different output from `pils`
-alias hgrc='hg rebase --continue'
-alias hgra='hg rebase --abort'
-alias hgconflicts="hg resolve --list 'set:unresolved()'" # much like `gconflicts`
-alias hgrm='hg citc -d' # delete a CitC client created with Fig
-
-# Piper
-alias ppls='g4 listclients | sed "s/^Client wpcarro://" | sed "s/:[0-9]*:citc.*$//g"'
-alias pprm='p4 citc -d -f' # warning this will forcefully delete a CitC client even if contains pending changes
-
-# Haskell
-alias sb="stack build"
-alias se="stack exec --"
-alias sc="stack clean"
-# alias st="stack test" # blocks suckless-terminal
-alias haddocks='open "$(stack path --local-doc-root)/index.html"'
-alias repl_hk='dkish haskell ghci'
-
-# Kubernetes
-alias kc="kubectl"
-alias kpods="kubectl get pods"
-alias knodes="kubectl get nodes"
-alias kdeploys="kubectl get deployments"
-alias kdns="kubectl get ing"
-alias kedit="kubectl edit deployments "
-alias kswitch="gcloud container clusters get-credentials "
-
-# Nix
-alias nq="nix_introspect"
-alias nsh="nix-shell"
-alias nshp="nix-shell --pure"
-alias nr="nix repl"
-alias ni='nix-env --install'
-alias nrm='nix-env --uninstall'
-alias nls='nix-env --query'
-alias nrs='sudo nixos-rebuild switch'
-
-# Aptitude (apt)
-alias apti='sudo apt-get install --assume-yes'
-alias aptrm='sudo apt remove'
-
-# Pacman
-alias pmi='sudo pacman -S --noconfirm'
-alias pms='pacman -Ss'
-alias pmrm='sudo pacman -Rs'
-
-# couple the e* aliases to the <leader>e* kbds in vim
-alias ev='e ~/.config/nvim/init.vim'
-alias ee='e ~/.emacs.d/init.el'
-alias ez='e ~/.zshrc'
-alias ea='e ~/aliases.zsh'
-alias ef='e ~/functions.zsh'
-alias el='e ~/variables.zsh'
-alias ex='e ~/.Xresources'
-alias em='e ~/.tmux.conf'
-# TODO: consider DRYing this up with `e`. Unfortunately, `sudo` won't support
-# aliases.
-alias en='sudo ALTERNATE_EDITOR=nvim emacsclient --no-wait --create-frame /etc/nixos/configuration.nix'
-
-# couple the s* aliases to the <leader>s* kbds in vim
-alias sz='source ~/.zshrc'
-alias sa='source ~/aliases.zsh'
-alias sf='source ~/functions.zsh'
-alias sl='source ~/variables.zsh'
-alias sx='xrdb ~/.Xresources'
-alias sm='tmux source-file ~/.tmux.conf'
-alias sn='sudo nixos-rebuild switch'
-
-# CircleCI
-alias cci='circleci local'
-alias ccijob='circleci local execute --job'
-
-# Google aliases
-alias bzb='blaze build'
-alias bzt='blaze test --test_output=all'
-alias br='borgcfg'
-alias pils='p4 listclients'
-alias pirm='p4 citc -d'
-alias pb=/google/src/head/depot/eng/tools/pastebin
-alias pbc='pb --private --title $(date +${date_fmt})| tee >(c && chrome $(p))' # create a private gPaste from your clipboard's content; open the result in a browser
-alias pbcp='p | pb --private --title $(date +${date_fmt})| tee >(c && chrome $(p))' # create a private gPaste from your clipboard's content; open the result in a browser
-alias pbls='$BROWSER https://paste.googleplex.com/$(whoami)'
-alias flagpick=/google/data/ro/users/sk/skaushik/www/public-tools/flagpick
-alias jaze=/google/data/ro/projects/devtools/javascript/jaze
-alias aclcheck=/google/data/ro/projects/ganpati/aclcheck
-alias g3python=/google/data/ro/projects/g3python/g3python
diff --git a/configs/shared/functions.zsh b/configs/shared/functions.zsh
deleted file mode 100644
index 6f4dfc95358a..000000000000
--- a/configs/shared/functions.zsh
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,1174 +0,0 @@
-# NOTE: All functions should be documented. Including usage examples.
-# NOTE: Prioritize the error handling (especially error messages) as highly as
-# most people prioritize "happy-paths" (aka features).
-
-################################################################################
-# Personal dependencies
-################################################################################
-
-source ~/Dropbox/programming/db_cli/src/index.zsh
-
-
-################################################################################
-# Documentation and error messages
-################################################################################
-
-# TODO: Move these to their own repository.
-
-echo_info() {
-  # Echos an informational message.
-  #
-  # depends_variable blue
-  echo -e "${blue}[INFO]: $1"
-}
-
-echo_warn() {
-  # Echos a warning message.
-  # This function depends on the colors defined in variables.zsh.
-  #
-  # depends_variable yellow
-  echo -e "${yellow}[WARNING]: $1"
-}
-
-echo_error() {
-  # Echos an error message.
-  #
-  # depends_variable red
-  echo -e "${red}[ERROR]: $1"
-}
-
-unsupported_input() {
-  # Generic error message. Consume herein to standardize the error messages.
-  # Pass the supported inputs as $1.
-  #
-  # depends error_error
-  echo_error "Unsupported input. This function only supports the following inputs: $1. Exiting..."
-}
-
-depends() {
-  # Prints a message explaining a function's dependencies. Consume here to
-  # standardize the error messages.
-  # Pass the dependencies as $1.
-  #
-  # depends echo_info
-  echo_info "This function depends on the following functions: $@"
-}
-
-depends_variable() {
-  # Prints a message explaining a dependency on a variable. Consume here to
-  # standardize the error messages.
-  # Pass the dependencies as $1.
-  #
-  # depends echo_info
-  echo_info "This function depends on the following variables: $@"
-}
-
-depends_alias() {
-  # Prints a message explaining a dependency on a shell alias. Consume here to
-  # standardize the error messages.
-  # Pass the dependencies as $1.
-  #
-  # depends echo_info
-  echo_info "This function depends on the following aliases: $@"
-}
-
-compliments() {
-  # Prints a message explaining that a function compliments another function.
-  # Think of complimentary functions as `zip` and `unzip`.
-  #
-  # depends echo_info
-  echo_info "This function compliments the \`$1\` function."
-}
-
-
-################################################################################
-# Filesystem operations
-################################################################################
-
-ensure_dir() {
-  # Ensures that the directory and its children exist.
-  # Usage: ensure_dir <path-to-dir>
-  mkdir -p $1
-}
-
-ensure_file() {
-  # Ensures that the file and the path to that file exist.
-  # Usage: ensure_dir <path-to-file>
-  # depends ensure_dir
-  ensure_dir $(dirname $1) && touch $1
-}
-
-tar_dir() {
-  # Tars dir as dir.tar. Removes dir.
-  # compliments untar_dir
-  tar -cf  "$1.tar" "$(basename $1)" && rm -rf "$1"
-}
-
-untar_dir() {
-  # Untars dir.tar as dir. Removes dir.tar.
-  # compliments tar_dir
-  tar -xvf "$1" && rm "$1"
-}
-
-targz_dir() {
-  # Tars a dir as dir.tar.gz.
-  # compliments untargz_dir
-  tar -czf "$1.tar.gz" "$(basename $1)"; rm -rf "$1"
-}
-
-untargz_dir() {
-  # Untars dir.tar.gz as dir. Removes dir.tar.gz.
-  # compliments targz_dir
-  tar -xzvf "$1" && rm "$1"
-}
-
-zip_dir() {
-  # Zips dir as dir.zip. Removes dir.
-  # compliments unzip_dir
-  zip -r "$1.zip" "$(basename $1)" && rm -rf "$1"
-}
-
-unzip_dir() {
-  # Unzips dir.zip as dir. Removes dir.zip.
-  # compliments zip_dir
-  unzip "$1" && rm "$1"
-}
-
-archive() {
-  # Generic function for archiving directories
-  #
-  # depends tar_dir targz_dir zip_dir
-  # compliments unarchive
-  printf "Which type of archive would you like to like create? (tar, tar.gz, zip) "
-  case $(read -e) in
-    tar)    tar_dir   "$1";;
-    tar.gz) targz_dir "$1";;
-    zip)    zip_dir   "$1";;
-    *)      unsupported_input "tar, tar.gz, zip";;
-  esac
-}
-
-unarchive() {
-  # Generic way to unarchive files.
-  # Currently supports the following extensions:
-  # - .tar
-  # - .tar.gz
-  # - .zip
-  #
-  # depends untar unzip
-  # compliments archive
-  case $1 in
-    *.tar.gz) untargz_dir "$1";;
-    *.tar)    untar_dir   "$1";;
-    *.zip)    unzip_dir   "$1";;
-    *)        unsupported_input ".tar, .tar.zip, .zip"
-  esac
-}
-
-
-################################################################################
-# Filesystem operations
-################################################################################
-
-alert() {
-  # Send the user information via the GUI.
-  # Intended to have the same API as the Javascript alert function.
-  # Usage: alert [msg-body]
-  # depends notify-send
-  notify-send 'Info' "$1"
-}
-
-alert_echo() {
-  # Composes `echo` and `alert` together.
-  # Usage: alert_echo [msg-body]
-  # depends alert echo
-  echo "$1" && alert "$1"
-}
-
-
-################################################################################
-# Unclassified
-################################################################################
-
-deref() {
-  # Dereferences a symlink.
-  # Usage: deref [symlink]
-  if ! [ -L $1 ]; then
-    echo_error "File is not a symlink: $1. Exiting..."
-  else
-    local src=$(readlink -f $1)
-    echo "Moving $src -> $1" && \
-      mv $1 $1.bak && \
-      mv $src $1 && \
-      rm $1.bak
-  fi
-}
-
-wallpaper() {
-  # Select and load a wallpaper from the wallpaper directory.
-  local files=$(ls ~wallpaper)
-  local selection=$(echo $files | fzf)
-  local fullpath=~wallpaper/$selection
-
-  feh --bg-scale $fullpath
-}
-
-# TODO: Write more robust, tested dotfile manager application in Elisp.
-dotfilify() {
-  # Moves a regular, non-symlinked file into my dotfiles.
-  # compliments undotfilify
-  # depends ensure_dir
-  local original_path=$(realpath $1)
-  local dotfile_path="${DOTFILES}/configs/shared/${original_path#$HOME/}"
-  ensure_dir $(dirname $dotfile_path) && \
-    mv $original_path $dotfile_path && \
-    ln --force -s $dotfile_path $original_path
-}
-
-# TODO: Write more robust, tested dotfile manager application in Elisp.
-undotfilify() {
-  # De-references a file that is symlinked to in my dotfiles.
-  # Usage: undotfilify [path-to-symlink]
-  # compliments dotfilify
-
-  if ! [ -L "$1" ]; then
-    echo_error "Not a symbolic link: $1. Exiting..."
-    return 1
-  else
-    local src=$(readlink -f $1)
-
-    echo "Removing: $1" && rm $1 && \
-      echo "Moving: $src -> $1" && \
-      mv $src $1
-  fi
-}
-
-markdown() {
-  # Simple way to read markdown on the command-line.
-  # Usage: markdown [file]
-  # depends pandoc less
-  pandoc -t plain $1 | less
-}
-
-rofi_prompt() {
-  # Simple prompt for user input using `rofi`.
-  # Usage: rofi_prompt [label]
-  local label="${1:-Input}"
-  rofi -dmenu -p "$label" -theme-str 'listview { enabled: false; }'
-}
-
-import_gpg() {
-  # Shorthand for executing the import script for my GPG creds.
-  local gpg_config=$DOTFILES/configs/shared/gpg/.gnupg
-  $gpg_config/import.sh $gpg_config/exported
-}
-
-export_gpg() {
-  # Shorthand for executing the export script for my GPG creds.
-  local gpg_config=$DOTFILES/configs/shared/gpg/.gnupg
-  $gpg_config/export.sh $gpg_config/exported
-}
-
-create_bootable_usb() {
-  # This was created primarily to document the bootable USB creation process, so
-  # that I'm less dependent on internet solutions.
-  # Warning this is experimental.
-  printf 'Path to .iso: '
-  local lf=$(read -e) # NOTE: maybe use `read lf` instead.
-  printf 'Path to USB: '
-  local of=$(read -e)
-
-  sudo dd \
-    bs=4M \
-    if="${lf}"
-    of="${of}"
-    status=progress \
-    iflag=sync
-}
-
-file_sizes() {
-  # Table to help me conceptualize file sizes.
-  echo "  1 kB\tHalf a page of raw text"
-  echo "  8 kB\tLogo image"
-  echo "500 kB\t5-page word processor document"
-  echo "  1 MB\t1 minute MP3"
-  echo "  5 MB\t3 minute MP3"
-  echo "700 MB\tA full CD-ROM"
-  echo "  4 GB\tA full DVD"
-}
-
-ldap() {
-  # Returns the Google LDAP for `user`
-  declare -A ldaps
-  ldaps["ahmed"]=ahmedhegazy
-  ldaps["arturo"]=arturog
-  ldaps["daniel"]=dsipasseuth
-  ldaps["dirichi"]=dirichi
-  ldaps["jack"]=jackwootton
-  ldaps["jon"]=jonmatthews
-  ldaps["micheal"]=michealg
-  ldaps["rose"]=roseanna
-  ldaps["william"]=wpcarro
-
-  echo ${ldaps["$1"]}
-}
-
-repl_closure() {
-  # Creates a `node` REPL for users to test out Google's Closure library.
-  # The naming `repl_closure` follows the repl_ convention that alias.sh
-  # follows.
-  docker build -t closure_repl - <~/programming/dockerfiles/closure_repl.docker
-  docker run -it closure_repl:latest
-}
-
-checkout_cl() {
-  # - find-or-create a new workspace named `cl-<number>`
-  # - syncs the workspace to tip
-  # - patches the CL ontop of tip
-  hg citc "cl-$1" && \
-  g4d "cl-$1" && \
-  hg sync && \
-  hg patch "cl/$1"
-}
-
-prodaccess() {
-  # Wraps existing `prodaccess` command to provide Google-specific tips.
-  # Take from this: https://g3doc.corp.google.com/experimental/users/diamondm/fortunes/README.md?cl=head
-  command prodaccess "$@" && \
-    cowsay $(/google/data/ro/users/di/diamondm/engfortunes/fortune.sh --extra_space)
-}
-
-home_theater() {
-  # Does the following:
-  #   - connects to NordVPN for HBO
-  #   - connects to the TV via the attached HDMI cable
-  #   - connects to the bluetooth speaker
-
-  # `nordvpn` is an alias defined in `aliases.zsh`
-  echo 'Run the following to stream HBOGo from this laptop to your TV:'
-  echo '  1. nordvpn'
-  echo '  2. xrandr --output HDMI1 --mode 3840x2160'
-  echo '  3. bluetoothctl'
-  echo '  4. connect CC:6E:A4:32:6B:BB'
-  echo
-  echo 'Having trouble? Use the following tools to troubleshoot:'
-  echo '  - blueman-manager'
-  echo '  - pavucontrol'
-  echo '  - gnome-control-center'
-}
-
-create_citc() {
-  # Creates an `hg` citc client and `cd`s to its root.
-  # Usage: create_citc esc-b-119275355
-  # Note: May want to get into the habit of naming citc clients after the
-  # Buganizer tickets. The buganizer portion can be prefixed with the shorthand
-  # representation of the project it relates to. This coupling could lead to
-  # more integrated tooling.
-  hg citc $1 && g4d $1
-}
-
-fv() {
-  # Usage: fv file pattern
-  # This is useful when you know the fuzzy name of the file you want to edit
-  local file
-  file="$(fzf --exact --height 40% --reverse --query="$1"  --select-1 --exit-0)"
-  [[ -n "$file" ]] && vim "$file"
-}
-
-project_root() {
-  # Changes to the directory of the project root.
-  if [[ "$(pwd)" =~ '(.*)/blaze-bin(.*)' ]]; then
-    cd "${match[1]}${match[2]}"
-  elif [[ "$(pwd)" =~ '(.*)/blaze-genfiles(.*)' ]]; then
-    cd "${match[1]}${match[2]}"
-  fi
-}
-
-blaze_bin() {
-  # Changes to the blaze-bin directory.
-  # Depends:
-  #   - project_root
-  project_root && cd "${PWD/\/google3//google3/blaze-bin}"
-}
-
-blaze_genfiles() {
-  # Changes to the blaze-genfiles directory.
-  # Depends:
-  #   - project_root
-  project_root && cd "${PWD/\/google3//google3/blaze-genfiles}"
-}
-
-tbz() {
-  # Toggle between blaze-bin and your source.
-  # Useful if you like to cd into the dir where your source lives.
-  if [[ "$(pwd)" =~ '(.*)/blaze-bin(.*)' ]]; then
-    cd "${match[1]}${match[2]}"
-  else
-    cd "${PWD/\/google3//google3/blaze-bin}"
-  fi
-}
-
-tj() {
-  # Toggle between the source dir and test dir in a Java project.
-  if [[ $PWD =~ '(.*)/javatests(.*)' ]]; then
-    cd "${match[1]}/java${match[2]}"
-  else
-    cd "${PWD/\/google3\/java//google3/javatests}"
-  fi
-}
-
-screenshot() {
-  # Ergonomic way to take a screenshot.
-  # Writing this since I usually forget the command.
-  # Usage: screenshot
-  alert_echo 'Click-and-drag to select the region to capture.'
-  local filepath=$(scrot --select '%Y-%m-%d_$wx$h.png' -e 'mv $f /tmp && echo /tmp/$f')
-  c <<<$filepath
-  alert_echo "Copied to clipboard!"
-}
-
-snipit() {
-  # Take a screenshot and host it at https://screenshot.googleplex.com
-  # Adapted from SnipIt to fit my workflow.
-  # depends alert_echo
-  server="https://screenshot.googleplex.com/upload"
-  file="${TEMP:-/tmp}/snipit_temp_$$.png"
-
-  # Capture
-  alert_echo "SnipIt - Click a window, or drag to snip a region (Ctrl+C to cancel):" && \
-    import "$file" && \
-    echo "Sending image to server..." && \
-    uri=$(curl -sF "imagedata=@$file" $server) && \
-    c <<<"$uri" && \
-    alert_echo "Copied to clipboard!"
-}
-
-# Java
-run_java() {
-  # Usage: run_java path/to/file.java
-  # Intended to be similar in spirit to Haskell's `runhaskell`.
-  set -e
-  javac $1
-  java ${1%.java}
-}
-
-# Aptitude
-apts() {
-  # Searches aptitude package repository for $1, surrounding it in ^$ to ensure
-  # fewer results.
-  apt search "^$1$"
-}
-
-# Docker
-dkcsh() {
-  # Drop into a Docker shell. Shell defaults to /bin/bash.
-  # `dkcsh` stands for DocKer Container SHell.
-  # Usage: dkcsh
-  container=$1
-  cmd=${2-/bin/bash}
-
-  docker exec -it "$container" "$cmd"
-}
-
-dkish() {
-  # Runs a Docker container interactively
-  # Usage: dkrit <container_name> <command> [...args]
-  docker run -it $@
-}
-
-# gist
-gistp() {
-  # Creates a gist with the contents of the clipboard.
-  # Prompts the user for the filename and the descriptions of the gist.
-  # Copies the Gist URL to the user's clipboard thereafter.
-  #
-  # depends_alias p
-  # depends gist
-  printf "Filename including extension: "
-  read filename
-  printf "Gist description: "
-  read description
-  p | gist -e -f $filename -d $description
-}
-
-# Github
-gh_create() {
-  # Create git repository in `~/Dropbox/programming`.
-  # Push repo to my github account.
-  # Usage: grepo [repo-name]
-  # depends_alias mdd g
-  # compliments gh_delete
-
-  if [ $# -eq 0 ]; then
-    echo 'You must supply the name for the repo. Exiting...'
-    return 1
-  else
-    mdd "$HOME/Dropbox/programming/$1" && \
-      g init && \
-      g create
-  fi
-}
-
-gh_delete() {
-  # Deletes a repository from my Github.
-  # compliments gh_create
-
-  if [ $# -eq 0 ]; then
-    echo 'You must supply the name for the repo to delete. Exiting...'
-    return 1
-  else
-    g delete "$1"
-  fi
-}
-
-# Git
-
-gconflicts() {
-  # Edit git conflicts one-by-one in your favorite editor.
-  ${EDITOR} "$(git status --porcelain | awk '/^UU/ { print $2 }')"
-}
-
-gclone() {
-  # Since I inevitably always call `cd` after `g clone`.
-  # Usage: gclone cdown/clipmenu
-  # depends_alias g
-  # depends_alias la
-  g clone "$1" && cd "${1#*/}"
-}
-
-# GPG
-_do_encrypt() {
-  # Helper  function for `encrypt`.
-  # depends gpg targz_dir
-  echo "Encrypting..."
-
-  if [ -f $1 ]; then
-    gpg --encrypt --recipient=wpcarro@gmail.com $1
-    rm $1
-
-  elif [ -d  $1 ]; then
-    targz_dir $1
-    # NOTE: recursion is nice here but it causes the echo statements to happen
-    # twice. Because of this, we redirect to /dev/null.
-    _do_encrypt "$1.tar.gz" >/dev/null
-  fi
-
-  echo "Done."
-}
-
-_do_decrypt() {
-  # Helper function for `decrypt`.
-  # depends gpg untargz_dir
-  echo "Decrypting..."
-
-  gpg --decrypt $1 2>/dev/null >"${1%.gpg}"
-  rm $1
-
-  # If the file ends with tar.gz, it was most like a directory that we targz'd
-  # then encrypted.
-  if [[ "${1%.gpg}" =~ \.tar.gz$ ]]; then
-    untargz_dir "${1%.gpg}" >/dev/null
-  fi
-
-  echo "Done."
-}
-
-encrypt() {
-  # Convenience function around encrypting files and directories.
-  # Appends a .gpg extension and deletes the unencrypted source.
-  # depends _do_encrypt
-  for f in $@; do
-    _do_encrypt $f
-  done
-}
-
-decrypt() {
-  # Convenience function around decrypting .gpg files and directories.
-  # Deletes the original encrypted file with the .gpg extension.
-  # depends _do_decrypt
-  for f in $@; do
-    _do_decrypt $f
-  done
-}
-
-# Python
-python_sandbox() {
-  # Creates a nix-shell with the specified arguments as Python packages
-  nix-shell -p "python36.withPackages(p: with p; [$@])"
-}
-
-# Haskell
-cabal_unhell() {
-  # Run this function to save yourself from Cabal hell.
-  # Note: this will require that you reinstall packages for your projects again.
-  find ~/.ghc -maxdepth 1 -type d -exec rm -rf {} \;
-  rm -rf ~/.cabal/{lib,packages,share}
-}
-
-haskell_sandbox() {
-  # Creates a nix-shell with the specified arguments as Haskell packages
-  nix-shell -p "haskellPackages.ghcWithPackages (p: with p; [$@])"
-}
-
-_haskell_test_watch_path() {
-  # Runs and watches the tests for a provided file path.
-  ghcid -c "stack ghci grid:lib grid:grid-test --ghci-options=-fobject-code" \
-    --height="$(tput lines)" --width="$(tput cols)" --warnings --test "$1"
-}
-
-_haskell_test_watch_pattern() {
-  # Runs and watches the tests that match a provided pattern.
-  stack test --file-watch grid:grid-test --ta "-p \"${1}\""
-}
-
-haskell_test_watch() {
-  # Accepts either a filepath or a pattern and runs a test-watcher for either.
-  if [ -f "$1" ]; then
-    _haskell_test_watch_path "$1"
-  else
-    _haskell_test_watch_pattern "$1"
-  fi
-}
-
-# Kubernetes
-kush() {
-  # Drop into a shell via Kubernetes. Shell defaults to /bin/bash.
-  local name=$1
-  local cmd=${2-/bin/bash}
-
-  kubectl exec -it "${name}" -- "${cmd}"
-}
-
-# Misc
-update_x11_forwarding() {
-  # Sometime Tmux misbehaves with X11 applications (e.g. Emacs). This is because
-  # the DISPLAY variable is not set properly to `:0`. This function w
-  # Cache the DISPLAY when outside of Tmux. When inside of Tmux, use the cached
-  # value for DISPLAY.
-  #
-  # This cooperates with my `preexec` function, which runs before every command.
-  # Adapted from here: http://alexteichman.com/octo/blog/2014/01/01/x11-forwarding-and-terminal-multiplexers/
-  if [ -z "$TMUX" ]; then
-    echo $DISPLAY > ~/.display.txt
-  else
-    export DISPLAY=$(cat ~/.display.txt)
-  fi
-}
-
-monzo_balance() {
-  # Return the balance of my Monzo bank account.
-  # Usage: monzo_balance
-  # Depends:
-  #   - ~/Dropbox/monzo_creds.json.gpg (encrypted asymmetrically for yourself)
-  #   - httpie
-  #   - jq
-  #   - gpg
-  local creds=$(gpg --decrypt ~/Dropbox/monzo_creds.json.gpg 2>/dev/null)
-  local access_token=$(echo $creds | jq --raw-output .access_token)
-  local account_id=$(echo $creds | jq --raw-output .account_id)
-  local balance=$(http --body https://api.monzo.com/balance \
-                       "Authorization: Bearer ${access_token}" \
-                       "account_id==${account_id}" | \
-                    jq .balance)
-  echo "£$balance"
-}
-
-tldr_docs() {
-  # Helper function for submitting a new page to `tldr`.
-  # Usage: tldr_docs <cmd-name>
-  pushd ~/programming/tldr && \
-    gcb "$1" && \
-    "$EDITOR" . && \
-    echo "Next steps:" && \
-    echo "- commit changes" && \
-    echo "- push changes" && \
-    echo "- submit a pull-request to tldr" && \
-    popd # return to the original directory
-}
-
-ord_to_char() {
-  # Converts the ordinal, ASCII value of a character into its encoded
-  # representation.
-  #
-  # Usage:
-  # $ ord_to_char 65
-  # A
-  [ "$1" -lt 256 ] || return 1
-  printf "\\$(printf '%03o' "$1")\n"
-}
-
-char_to_ord() {
-  # Converts the ASCII representation of a character to its ordinal value.
-  #
-  # Usage:
-  # $ char_to_ord A
-  # 65
-  LC_CTYPE=C printf '%d\n' "'$1"
-}
-
-all_users() {
-  # Lists all of the known users in the Linux system
-  # Useful because when you type `~art` in a prompt and tab-complete, ZSH looks
-  # up all users whose names start with "art". It's also just interesting to
-  # have access to this information.
-  #
-  # NOTE: this is not as simple as `cat /etc/passwd` for reasons of which I'm
-  # not entirely sure.
-  getent passwd
-}
-
-escape_sequences() {
-  # Outputs a table of terminal escape sequences and their meaning.
-  echo -E '\a         Bell (alert)'
-  echo -E '\b         Backspace'
-  echo -E '\f         Formfeed'
-  echo -E '\n         New line'
-  echo -E '\r         Carriage return'
-  echo -E '\t         Horizontal tab'
-  echo -E '\v         Vertical tab'
-  echo -E "\'         Single quotation mark"
-  echo -E '\"         Double quotation mark'
-  echo -E '\\         Backslash'
-  echo -E '\?         Literal question mark'
-  echo -E '\uhhhh     Unicode character'
-  echo -E '\Uhhhhhhhh Unicode character'
-  echo -E '\xhh       ASCII character in hexadecimal notation'
-  echo -E '\xhhhh     Unicode character in hexadecimal notation if this escape sequence is used in a wide-character constant or a Unicode string literal.'
-}
-
-test_true_color() {
-  # Run this to test if your terminal emulator supports True Color
-  curl --silent https://raw.githubusercontent.com/JohnMorales/dotfiles/master/colors/24-bit-color.sh | bash
-}
-
-test_16_colors() {
-  # Useful for testing your terminal's theme.
-  echo -e "Normal: ${black}black${red}red${green}green${yellow}yellow${blue}blue${magenta}magenta${cyan}cyan${white}white"
-  echo -e "Bright: ${bright_black}black${bright_red}red${bright_green}green${bright_yellow}yellow${bright_blue}blue${bright_magenta}magenta${bright_cyan}cyan${bright_white}white"
-}
-
-test_text_formatting() {
-  # Useful when appraising a Tmux. Things can get strange with true colors and
-  # font rendering.
-  echo -e "\e[1mbold\e[0m"
-  echo -e "\e[3mitalic\e[0m"
-  echo -e "\e[4munderline\e[0m"
-  echo -e "\e[9mstrikethrough\e[0m"
-}
-
-test_unicode() {
-  # Run this to test if your terminal supports unicode character rendering.
-  echo -e '\u2600 \u2601 \u2602 \u2603 \u2604 \u2605 \u2606 \u2607 \u2608 \u2609 \u260A'
-  echo -e '\u260B \u260C \u260D \u260E \u260F \u2610 \u2611 \u2612 \u2613 \u2614 \u2615'
-  echo -e '\u2616 \u2617 \u2618 \u2619 \u261A \u261B \u261C \u261D \u261E \u261F \u2620'
-  echo -e '\u2621 \u2622 \u2623 \u2624 \u2625 \u2626 \u2627 \u2628 \u2629 \u262A \u262B'
-  echo -e '\u262C \u262D \u262E \u262F \u2630 \u2631 \u2632 \u2633 \u2634 \u2635 \u2636'
-  echo -e '\u2637 \u2638 \u2639 \u263A \u263B \u263C \u263D \u263E \u263F \u2640 \u2641'
-  echo -e '\u2642 \u2643 \u2644 \u2645 \u2646 \u2647 \u2648 \u2649 \u264A \u264B \u264C'
-  echo -e '\u264D \u264E \u264F \u2650 \u2651 \u2652 \u2653 \u2654 \u2655 \u2656 \u2657'
-  echo -e '\u2658 \u2659 \u265A \u265B \u265C \u265D \u265E \u265F \u2660 \u2661 \u2662'
-  echo -e '\u2663 \u2664 \u2665 \u2666 \u2667 \u2668 \u2669 \u266A \u266B \u266C \u266D'
-  echo -e '\u266E \u266F \u2670 \u2671 \u2672 \u2673 \u2674 \u2675 \u2676 \u2677 \u2678'
-  echo -e '\u2679 \u267A \u267B \u267C \u267D \u267E \u267F \u2680 \u2681 \u2682 \u2683'
-  echo -e '\u2684 \u2685 \u2686 \u2687 \u2688 \u2689 \u268A \u268B \u268C \u268D \u268E'
-  echo -e '\u268F \u2690 \u2691 \u2692 \u2693 \u2694 \u2695 \u2696 \u2697 \u2698 \u2699'
-  echo -e '\u269A \u269B \u269C \u269D \u269E \u269F \u26A0 \u26A1 \u26A2 \u26A3 \u26A4'
-  echo -e '\u26A5 \u26A6 \u26A7 \u26A8 \u26A9 \u26AA \u26AB \u26AC \u26AD \u26AE \u26AF'
-  echo -e '\u26B0 \u26B1 \u26B2 \u26B3 \u26B4 \u26B5 \u26B6 \u26B7 \u26B8 \u26B9 \u26BA'
-  echo -e '\u26BB \u26BC \u26BD \u26BE \u26BF \u26C0 \u26C1 \u26C2 \u26C3 \u26C4 \u26C5'
-  echo -e '\u26C6 \u26C7 \u26C8 \u26C9 \u26CA \u26CB \u26CC \u26CD \u26CE \u26CF \u26D0'
-  echo -e '\u26D1 \u26D2 \u26D3 \u26D4 \u26D5 \u26D6 \u26D7 \u26D8 \u26D9 \u26DA \u26DB'
-  echo -e '\u26DC \u26DD \u26DE \u26DF \u26E0 \u26E1 \u26E2 \u26E3 \u26E4 \u26E5 \u26E6'
-  echo -e '\u26E7 \u26E8 \u26E9 \u26EA \u26EB \u26EC \u26ED \u26EE \u26EF \u26F0 \u26F1'
-  echo -e '\u26F2 \u26F3 \u26F4 \u26F5 \u26F6 \u26F7 \u26F8 \u26F9 \u26FA \u26FB \u26FC'
-  echo -e '\u26FD \u26FE \u26FF'
-}
-
-test_emojis() {
-  # Outputs a few emojis to see if your terminal supports colored or
-  # monochromatic emojis.
-  for n in {0..9}
-  do
-    echo -e -n "\U1F60$n"
-  done
-  echo # newline to clean output
-}
-
-path() {
-  # Pretty-print the $PATH variable
-  echo "$PATH" | tr : '\n'
-}
-
-nix_installed() {
-  # Lists the packages installed with `nix-env`
-  nix-env -q
-}
-
-nix_store() {
-  # Print the packages in /nix/store without the preceding hash
-  ls /nix/store | sed 's/[a-z0-9]*-//'
-}
-
-browse() {
-  # Open a URL in $BROWSER. Friendly for terminal input and output.
-  # NOTE: `nohup` ensures that if I close the terminal, I won't all kill the
-  # browser. Maybe this is similar to calling `disown %<job_id>`. The redirect
-  # to `/dev/null` ensures that no `nohup.out` file is created.
-  nohup "$BROWSER" $@ >/dev/null 2>&1 &
-}
-
-lh() {
-  # Opens http://localhost:<port> in your $BROWSER.
-  # Usage: `lh 8080`
-  # Here, in case it wasn't obvious, `lh` stands for "localhost".
-  browse "http://localhost:$1"
-}
-
-essids() {
-  # Returns a list of all ESSIDs the network card detects
-  local interface=${1-wlp4s0}
-  sudo iwlist "${interface}" scan | awk -F \" '{print $2}' | sed '/^\s*$/d'
-}
-
-mkdir_cd() {
-  # Make and cd into a directory or path
-  mkdir -p "$1" && cd "$1"
-}
-
-cp_dwim() {
-  # Calls `cp -r` when a directory is specified, otherwise uses `cp`.
-  # This is closer to the UX you expect in GUIs when you copy-and-paste files.
-  if [ -d $1 ]; then
-    command cp -r $@
-  else
-    command cp $@
-  fi
-}
-
-swap() {
-  # Swaps the names of files and directories.
-  local file_a="${1}"
-  local file_b="${2}"
-
-  if [ -d "${file_a}" ] && [ -d "${file_b}" ]; then
-    local backup=$(mktemp -d backup.XXX)
-
-    mv "${file_a}" "${backup}"
-    mv "${file_b}" "${file_a}"
-    mv "${backup}/${file_a}" "${file_b}"
-    rm -rf "${backup}"
-  elif [ -f "${file_a}" ] && [ -f "${file_b}" ]; then
-    local backup=$(mktemp backup.XXX)
-
-    mv "${file_a}" "${backup}"
-    mv "${file_b}" "${file_a}"
-    mv "${backup}" "${file_b}"
-    rm "${backup}"
-  fi
-
-  echo "Swapped: ${file_a} <-> ${file_b}"
-}
-
-bak() {
-  # Backup a file or a directory by appending a .bak extension to it.
-  mv "$1" "$1.bak"
-}
-
-unbak() {
-  # Restore a file by removing the .bak extension from it.
-  mv "$1.bak" "$1"
-}
-
-is_online() {
-  # Pings google.com and echos "Online" or "Offline" and returns the appropriate
-  # exit code. Could be useful in the ${PS1} variable.
-  wget -q --spider "http://google.com"
-
-  if [ $? -eq 0 ]; then
-    echo "Online"
-    return 0
-  else
-    echo "Offline"
-    return 1
-  fi
-}
-
-loop() {
-  # Continuously loop `command` every `sleep_amt` interval. `sleep_amt` defaults
-  # to 1 second. Pass y/n for `should_clear` if you'd like to clear the screen
-  # at the end of each iteration.
-  # Usage: loop <command> <sleep_amt> <should_clear>
-  local command=$1;
-  local sleep_amt=${2:-1};
-  local should_clear=${3:-n}
-
-  # clear the screen before kicking things off
-  if [ $should_clear = y ]; then
-    clear
-  fi
-
-  while true; do
-    eval $command && sleep $sleep_amt
-    if [ $should_clear = y ]; then
-      clear
-    fi
-  done
-}
-
-du_it_live() {
-  # Outputs and refreshes the size of a directory's content.
-  # Useful for watching a directory as large amounts of data are
-  # downloaded into it.
-  local directory="${1}"
-
-  while true; do
-    du -hc "${directory}" | tail -n 1 | tr -d '\n' && echo -n ' ' && sleep 0.5
-
-    # elipsis
-    echo -n '.' && sleep 0.5 &&
-    echo -n '.' && sleep 0.5 &&
-    echo -n '.' && sleep 0.5 &&
-
-    # clear the three-dots
-    echo -n '\b\b\b' && echo -n '   ' && echo -n '\r'
-  done
-}
-
-router() {
-  # Returns the IP address of the network's router.
-  # Useful in a call like `ping $(router)` to diagnose an internet problem.
-  netstat -nr | grep default | head -n 1 | awk '{ print $2 }'
-}
-
-monitor_dimensions() {
-  # Outputs the dimensions of your computer monitor
-  xdpyinfo | awk '/dimensions/{ print $2 }'
-}
-
-list_sinks() {
-  # Lists the available output sources (speakers?)
-  pacmd list-sinks | grep -e 'name:' -e 'index:'
-}
-
-list_sources() {
-  # List available input sources (microphones?)
-  pacmd list-sources | grep -e 'index:' -e device.string -e 'name:'
-}
-
-lt() {
-  # Convenience wrapper around `exa --tree`.
-  # Optionally accepts a number for the max-depth and a directory to list.
-  # $ lt 2 ./scripts
-
-  # lt
-  if [ -z ${1} ]; then
-    exa --tree --all
-
-  # lt 2
-  elif [[ "${1}" =~ '^[0-9]+$' ]] && [ -z ${2} ]; then
-    local depth="${1}"
-
-    exa --tree --all --level "${depth}"
-
-  # lt ./scripts
-  elif [ -z ${2} ]; then
-    local directory="${1}"
-
-    exa --tree --all "${directory}"
-
-  # lt 2 ./scripts
-  else
-    local depth=${1}
-    local directory="${2}"
-
-    exa --tree --all --level ${depth} "${directory}"
-  fi
-}
-
-lad() {
-  # List only directories in a directory..
-  # Usage: lad [directory]
-  # depends fd
-  (cd ${1:-.} && fd --hidden --maxdepth 1 --type d)
-}
-
-laf() {
-  # List only files in a directory.
-  # Usage: lad [directory]
-  # depends fd
-  (cd ${1:-.} && fd --hidden --maxdepth 1 --type f)
-}
-
-lal() {
-  # List only links in a directory.
-  # Usage: lad [directory]
-  # depends fd
-  (cd ${1:-.} && fd --hidden --maxdepth 1 --type l)
-}
-
-gql() {
-  # Convenience wrapper around `http POST` that allows you write GQL queries in
-  # Vim before posting them to the server.
-  local endpoint="${1}"
-  local query="/tmp/http-query.gql"
-
-  vim "${query}" && \
-  echo "{\"query\":\"$(cat ${query})\"}" | \
-  http --body POST "${endpoint}"
-}
-
-# Nix
-nix_introspect() {
-  # Greps through my local nixpkgs repo for
-  rg --after-context 5 "\\b$1\\b\\s*=" "$(nix-instantiate --find-file nixpkgs)"
-}
-
-# Tmux
-t() {
-  # Find or create a Tmux session. This should work both from within Tmux or
-  # outside of Tmux.
-  local session_name="${1}"
-  if ! tmux has-session -t "${session_name}" 2> /dev/null; then
-    local oldTMUX="${TMUX}"
-    unset TMUX
-    tmux new -d -s "${session_name}" -n "${session_name}"
-    export TMUX="${oldTMUX}"
-    unset oldTMUX
-  fi
-  if [[ -n "${TMUX}" ]]; then
-    tmux switch-client -t "${session_name}"
-  else
-    tmux attach -t "${session_name}"
-  fi
-}
-
-tk() {
-  # `tk`: "tmux kill". Kills a tmux session by name.
-  # If no arguments are provided, kills the current session after jumping to the previous session.
-  session_name="${1}"
-  if [ ! -z "${session_name}" ]; then
-    tmux kill-session -t "${session_name}"
-  else
-    session_name=tmux ls -f '#{?session_attached,#{session_name},}' | xargs
-    tmux switch-client -l
-    tmux kill-session -t "${session_name}"
-  fi
-}
-
-tmux_is_running() {
-  # Returns zero if tmux is running
-  # Although this is a simple function body, it's useful to encode esoteric
-  # knowledge that I will easily forget.
-  test -n "$TMUX"
-}
-
-tmux_focused_pane() {
-  # Returns the ID of the focused tmux pane.
-  # WIP
-  # tmux list-panes -F '#{pane_active} #{pane_tty}' | awk /1/{ print $1 }
-  echo 'Not implemented'
-}
-
-# Google3
-p4_filelog() {
-  # Logs a file's Piper history. This is a convenience wrapper around
-  # `p4 filelog`.
-  # `filename` should be a relative path.
-  # Usage: p4_filelog <filename>
-  # Depends: p4
-  p4 filelog "//depot/$(pwd | grep -P -o 'google3\/.+$')/$1"
-}
-
-citc_workspace() {
-  # Returns the name of your current CitC workspace
-  pwd | grep -o -P "$(whoami)\/[^\/]+"
-}
-
-hgbrowse() {
-  # Attempts to open the current directory in Google's Code Search.
-  # Note: try and get this command supported by Fig
-  local slug="$(pwd | grep -P -o 'google3\/.+$')"
-  browse "https://cs.corp.google.com/piper///depot/$slug"
-}
-
-cider() {
-  # Opens the current workspace and current directory in Google's Cider
-  # Not very useful at the moment because it cannot jump to the current file or
-  # line number. Should also support an Emacs integration at some point.
-  google-chrome \
-    --app="https://cider.corp.google.com/?ws=$(citc_workspace)"
-}
-
-# C
-runc() {
-  # Compile and run $1. Pass $1 as file.c.
-  # This is modelled after the `runhaskell` command.
-  # Deletes the compiled binary after executing it.
-  #
-  # depends gcc
-  gcc "$1" -o "${1%.c}" && "./${1%.c}" && rm "${1%.c}"
-}
-
-# Rust
-runrust() {
-  # Compile and run $1. Pass $1 as file.rs.
-  # This is modelled after the `runhaskell` command.
-  # Deletes the compiled binary after executing it.
-  #
-  # depends rustc
-  rustc "$1" && "./${1%.rs}" && rm "${1%.rs}"
-}
-
-# zsh
-fns() {
-  # Outputs all available functions.
-  # `fns` was chosen instead of `functions`, since `functions` was already
-  # taken.
-  compgen -A function
-}
-
-aliases() {
-  # Outputs all available aliases.
-  compgen -a
-}
-
-keywords() {
-  # Outputs all of the shell's reserved keywords.
-  compgen -k
-}
-
-builtins() {
-  # Outputs all of the shell's builtin commands.
-  compgen -b
-}
-
-
-################################################################################
-# Theming
-################################################################################
-
-colors() {
-  # Outputs the wpgtk-generated color palette annotated with numbers.
-  echo '  0   1   2   3   4   5   6   7' && \
-    wpg --preview && \
-    echo '  8   9  10  11  12  13  14  15'
-}
-
-gvcci() {
-  # Integrates `gvcii` and `wpgtk`.
-  # Usage: gvcii path/to/wallpaper.jpg
-  local filename="$(basename $1)"
-  local directory="${filename%.*}"
-  local json=~/.gvcci/themes/$directory/json-scheme.json
-
-  if [ -f $json ]; then
-    wpg --theme $json
-  else
-    (cd ~/Dropbox/programming/gvcci && \
-       ./gvcci.sh "$1" && \
-       wpg --theme $json)
-  fi
-
-  # TODO: Why do I need this?
-  sleep 0.1 && feh --bg-scale $1
-}
diff --git a/configs/shared/variables.zsh b/configs/shared/variables.zsh
deleted file mode 100644
index e561999dbf31..000000000000
--- a/configs/shared/variables.zsh
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,66 +0,0 @@
-export GPG_TTY=$(tty) # "It is important that this environment variable always reflects the output of the tty command". Source: https://gnupg.org/documentation/manuals/gnupg-devel/Invoking-GPG_002dAGENT.html
-
-date_fmt=%b-%d-%Y_%T # my preferred date formatting string used for generated filename
-
-# ZSH's static named directories
-hash -d pro=~/programming
-hash -d dot="$DOTFILES"
-hash -d wpg=~/.config/wpg/templates
-hash -d citc=/google/src/cloud/$USER
-hash -d doc=~/Documents
-hash -d d=~/Downloads
-hash -d ss=~/Pictures/screenshots
-hash -d fonts="$DOTFILES/configs/shared/.local/share/fonts"
-hash -d sounds="$DOTFILES/configs/shared.local/share/sounds"
-hash -d wallpaper="$DOTFILES/configs/shared/.local/share/wallpaper"
-hash -d org="$ORG_DIRECTORY"
-hash -d x20=/google/data/rw/users/wp/wpcarro # remember: to access x20, you need to run `prodaccess`
-hash -d experimental=./experimental/users/wpcarro
-# named directories for commonly used projects
-hash -d korvus_framework=./java/com/google/corp/sales
-hash -d korvus_services=./corp/sales/casesautomation
-hash -d escalations=./corp/gtech/pto/tda/beacons_extension
-hash -d ultra=./ads/doubleclick/systems/crm
-hash -d incentives_fe=./experimental/adservices/jarvis/jarvis_extension/jarvis_staging/js
-hash -d incentives_be=./experimental/adservices/tesseract/handlers/incentives
-hash -d spewall_fe=./alkali/apps/speakeasydashboard
-hash -d spewall_be=./java/com/google/alkali/applications/speakeasydashboard
-hash -d spewall_protos=./google/internal/alkali/applications/speakeasydashboard
-hash -d spewall_tests=./javatests/com/google/alkali/applications/speakeasydashboard
-
-# 8-bit colors
-black='\u001b[30m'
-red='\u001b[31m'
-green='\u001b[32m'
-yellow='\u001b[33m'
-blue='\u001b[34m'
-magenta='\u001b[35m'
-cyan='\u001b[36m'
-white='\u001b[37m'
-bright_black='\u001b[30;1m'
-bright_red='\u001b[31;1m'
-bright_green='\u001b[32;1m'
-bright_yellow='\u001b[33;1m'
-bright_blue='\u001b[34;1m'
-bright_magenta='\u001b[35;1m'
-bright_cyan='\u001b[36;1m'
-bright_white='\u001b[37;1m'
-
-# some of my favorite emojis as unicode
-facepalm='\U1F926'
-eyeroll='\U1F644'
-sheesh='\U1F62C'
-see_no_evil='\U1F648'
-blush='\U1F60A'
-wink='\U1F609'
-laugh='\U1F923'
-
-# commonly used config files
-v="$HOME/.config/nvim/init.vim"
-e="$HOME/.emacs.d/init.el"
-z="$HOME/.zshrc"
-a="$HOME/aliases.zsh"
-f="$HOME/functions.zsh"
-l="$HOME/variables.zsh" # v is taken by vim
-x="$HOME/.Xresources"
-n="/etc/nixos/configuration.nix"
diff --git a/configs/shared/zle.zsh b/configs/shared/zle.zsh
deleted file mode 100644
index 4ded511ffccf..000000000000
--- a/configs/shared/zle.zsh
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,31 +0,0 @@
-#!/usr/bin/env zsh
-
-zle_insert_subshell() {
-  LBUFFER+='$(' ; RBUFFER=")$RBUFFER"
-}
-zle -N zle_insert_subshell
-bindkey '^j' zle_insert_subshell
-
-zle_insert_variable() {
-  LBUFFER+='${' ; RBUFFER="}$RBUFFER"
-}
-zle -N zle_insert_variable
-bindkey '^v' zle_insert_variable
-
-zle_insert_2x_dash() {
-  LBUFFER+=' --'
-}
-zle -N zle_insert_2x_dash
-bindkey '^[^f' zle_insert_2x_dash
-
-zle_insert_2x_quote() {
-  LBUFFER+=' "' ; RBUFFER="\"$RBUFFER"
-}
-zle -N zle_insert_2x_quote
-bindkey '^["' zle_insert_2x_quote
-
-zle_insert_quote() {
-  LBUFFER+=" '" ; RBUFFER="'$RBUFFER"
-}
-zle -N zle_insert_quote
-bindkey "^['" zle_insert_quote